September23 DMV

The department of motor vehicles, also known as headfuck city. The happiest little organisation that ever existed is all about providing fun and service to the masses . This is the joint you head into to remind yourself that there’s other people out there.Our 3rd attempt at completing the theory test . We’ve booked in and prepared , but that’s not really gonna help . The car park is full, I’ve got to park across the road . Wish me luck , I hope it’s there when I get back , oh shit I’ve just realised I left the princess in the back . Took her for a surf this morning , could be our last one .We’re in Hawthorn, next door to Inglewood . This is the zone where it gets tropical , they play hide and seek with a gun out this country . I’ve got thongs on ( flip flops over here) so I don’t think anyone’s gonna want my shoes .I dropped Em off so she can queue up for our booking , yep you still have to queue to confirm you’ve booked . It’s busy , always busy .we get to the front, are given a form to fill out and told to bring it back . NEXT !!, the girl yells . Shit it feels like we are getting ready to go to trial, I ought to know . 1 hour later we are in another queue ready to be tested . This is a place you can come an watch the sort of people you only ever see on ‘Cops’, yeah that’s the one … bad boys bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you . Now you know what I’m talking about . Fucking hilarious , I wish I could’ve video’d it for ya’s , but it’s best I didn’t . Next to me was this big back dude with a bald head , trackpants, nikes, a pink t shirt and some big arse gold chains and sunglasses . It was glary in there .He had 3 phones and was repeatedly taking calls from all 3 , business was good . It seems trackpants worn with sandals and socks is a major fashion trend out here today, might bring that back to Australia .The test should be easy but the knowledge booklet has 104 pages to memorise . 36 questions completed in 10 minutes and I’m done . I look around and the other 10 who started up to half an hour ahead of me are still going . Shit , have I been to casual? Emma and I get to the back of the queue (3rd time already ) and start comparing answers , I rub 2 out and tick the other box on Emma’s advice ,she did it on computer and are told immediately if you’re  correct . I couldn’t get my computer working so I had to re queue to get the written version . Bang ,Emma’s through and passed , now my turn . 5 wrong out of the first 12 questions, including the 2 I changed , I’m screwed . 6 wrong from 18 . I’m fucked. The old girl is scowling as she slashes a line through the ‘wrongs’. Looks like she hasn’t got out the house yet , black hair net , beaten down and ready to wash pa’s clothes .But hey wake up Howie we are in a public service building , service and appearances count , don’t they? I’m on tenter hooks , next page good , next another wrong , no she scribbles it out , I think it’s right . 30 out of 36 . ” You got your photo ” , “no ? “I replied . “Can’t process it then , you gotta get your photo dun firrrst ” . Emma looks at me and laughs , for I skipped a process . I get my photo and get back to the queue , only 13 in front of me now and I don’t even know if I’ve passed. I’m starting to curse , Emma says I’m getn a uber , your on your own . Fortunately a young college grad lets me hit the front and I’m told I’m free to book my driving test .  Fuck me dead I felt like I just did my VCE again , we get out and the car and princess are still there , not mounted on bricks either . That was a lotta fun , can’t wait to get back there for the driving test . Now it’s time to get smashed and celebrate . Emma’s keen to book the test and driving lessons,  but hey hold your horses tiger , I need 6 months to recover .