Long haul

LAX is a monster . 845 on a Sunday night and we check in . Then it’s security . A thousand plus people queued up stairs onto a mezzanine floor that then stretches up and down like a folded fire hose . Shit , a touch of panic takes it s grip . We could be stuck here for hours . We’re tired but alert . Butterflies have unsettled the gut , the bladder is full and little shots of stomach pain send off warnings. No , I will not leave this line . Ok , I will if it means shitting myself , but please can it not happen now . An hour later we get to scan our carry on , relief sets in . Of course I’m pulled aside for an extra body scan . I wait , bare feet , holding my pants up with one hand as dozens pass me by . Looking me up and down . Fucknhell where is this bloke ? Eventually they pull me aside , squirt an ointment on to my hands and then scan them . All clear .Tex then interrogates me as to why I had to get pulled aside and I might make him miss his flight . ” ya keep going and you’l catch your ambulance” , I reply .1030 and we head to our departure gate , the furthest end of the airport . Suspicion arises when our flight details disappear. The previous qantas flight is delayed . Finally at the gate an announcement reveals that our flight will now board from a gate at the other end of the terminal . We quickly head back , I glance at my steps and I’ve pumped out nearly 8000 in the airport alone .Back at our gate we sit down next to the flight crew. This doesn’t seem right . We should be boarding now (11 15) But There is no plane and the crew are sitting with us . We over here one flight steward say that it looks like we’l be doing overtime and at least will miss the Melbourne morning traffic . The qantas plane arrives and docks . The kids are up at the glass and then …… it fuckn leaves with no one on it . Midnight now and the airport is actually buzzing , cafes and bars serving , the pint that I just happened to squeeze in is now exiting and still no flight . …..,,,,,At last we are on board , the new Dreamliner on her 2nd ever flight . The first was to LA , the 2nd Melbourne .Even at 1245 on a Monday morning the flight traffic has us taxiing on the tarmac waiting for our turn . Finally at 1am we are away . 15 hours and 20 minutes of straight flying . ….. Fun … maybe not .