Can it get any better? No

Tuesday is a free day , no commitments outside of school drop off .When you look down the road and see this , you soon get the feeling it’s gonna be a real good day . My buddy across the road had been bugging me about coming down to watch me surf . I had been constantly sneaking past him , but I relented and texted him to say I will be straight out the front . I then bolted , as I didn’t want to have to wait and talk all the way down there . I could just see old mate telling any passer by that he was going down to watch his Aussie friend surf . After 2 hours and 20+ waves to myself I head back . Beautiful , no old mate to bother me and totally content . I change out on our back balcony ,and then sneak back to the front lockbox to retrieve the key . Then it hits me …… There’s no key , Tex hasn’t put the key back after getting home from school the day before .I’m in a pair of running shorts , no jocks or shirt and no way in . Car keys , wallet and phone locked inside the house . I’m fucked . I pace up and down the side of the house to see if there is any way in . The house is locked up solid , you have to over here . The anger builds and I picture myself strangling Tex , taking away his many Hermosa privileges , but it all amounts to nothing . I’m marooned . I look out the back and find an old pair of rubber reef shoes and a quicksilver rash vest . I contemplate the 12 k walk to Emma’s work , but then I realise the very real possibility of being waved away by security as some homeless or disturbed vagrant . I look over to old mates house . Please can there be no other way ?After 10 minutes of thinking of every angle I head over there. 15 minutes later the adventure begins ,dressed in a pair of Marcus’s sunglasses, green golf shirt and old mans sandals, we are on the road to get the spare key from Emma’s work .. Did I say I was soft ?And stupid? Ok , you’ve heard this before but here goes….. Old mate soon has us flying down the major road , changing lanes , cutting people off and ignoring red light arrows all the while puffing away on his dope pipe . I’m forced to do the rounds with Marcus as he has things to do . First of all the walk of shame into Emma’s very trendy work place , with ensuring laughs and smiles . Then we head to a fast food outlet to share a plate of Salad and fries . Swapping spit over lunch isn’t my strong suit . Now we are headed into Hawthorn to El Super , a low cost almost exclusive Mexican supermarket . I do enjoy this , we are on the edge of the hood and it is a buzz to check these places out . This place is seriously cheap . It doesn’t take long for Marcus to start asking questions of the little old Mexican fruiterers . Wanting the best produce in his domineering tone . Well endowed Mexican housewives are the next target , as old mate speaks in Spanish , nodding , smiling and winking . He closes in on me and says he reckons he can take this one and that one home and bang them if he wanted to . Remember he is 67 . I can’t help but laugh . He then points to his shirt that I’m wearing and bursts out laughing . The piece of orange I had just tried had splurged down the middle of my chest . Fuck is this really going this way ?It is entertaining . It’s cringeworthy ,but I see his bravado and his charisma will definitely find suitors . Nockbacks don’t perturb ‘old mate ‘. It’s been 2 hours and next stop is the smoke shop . He pulls out 2 guitars for his buddy to restring for him . One used to belong to Jon Bonjovi and was used in a film clip I’m told .The guy in the smoke shop looks at it and nods . He is impressed and says it’s top quality . All the while customers enter the shop ; Marcus stopping to sell them smoking paraphernalia , jumping the counter to show them stock . Remember we are only customers as well . It’s half an hour before school pickup and I’m starting to fidget , but wait it isn’t over . We head over to a cool restaurant/wine bar dressed as the odd couple . Oh geezus I’m looking a fucking shambles ;stained top , no dodorant , running shorts and sandals . Fuck me dead ,I will never be seen in here again . The place is filled with beautiful people drinking wine in white shirts , chinos and boat shoes . Marcus introduces me to all the staff . I keep my hands firmly folded over my chest . He stops especially longer to talk to the girls and a busty older one . He gives me a look , nodding his head and smiling . Shit this would be hilarious if it was someone else ,but it’s me again . Eventually I get home and race up to school to get Leroy , still dressed in Marcus’s clothes , sandals swapped for bare feet . Of course I can’t get away without being stopped , all the while keeping my arms firmly pressed across the front of my shirt . Did I say the day couldn’t of started better ? Marcus now has currency on me and my reward is that tomorrow i’l be driving him to hospital at 630 am for knee surgery. An hour in peak hour traffic . You beaudy . Ps revenge is sweet . Tex has called me multiple times , texting me to say he can’t get in the house . Fuck it , Leroy and I will stay at the park a little longer .