Only 27 messages and 26 phone calls . 7 and a half contacts a day , shit ole mate is practically ignoring me …ahh no , no he isn’t . You see , the old boy is moving out and into another unit 3 miles away with his Phillipino girlfriend. The rumbling could be felt right down the street … Yeehaa !! Could be heard . The women are counting down the days to warmer months when they can sit on the balcony with a glass of wine and a book whilst enjoying the sunset . They couldn’t do this in the past as Marcus would invite himself over to talk their ears off whilst measuring their physical attributes, and with not too much subtlety. Guys would also be harassed but if there was a woman she’d practically be accosted . As ole mate will tell you , “Im a fucken pretty good looking dude for a 67 year old bald redhead with long hair . I think I could fuck some of these women . I’m a chance ” . But he’s not gone yet and it’s like he’s on hyper drive . Ole mate Marcus won’t pay for a removalist , instead he’s relied on my muscle and vehicle to move his stuff . He has been relentless in harassing me for help . He comes over to my back balcony and watches or ,should I say critiques my routine whilst he eats breakfast whilst sucking on a cigar . He then followed me down to the surf . I stayed out longer to shake him off . I get home , towel off and check my phone,;it’s already got 2 missed calls and 2 messages on it from only 3 minutes ago . It shows that he has seen me get back to my place even though I’ve used the back alleyway to hide from him .And as I pack my stuff quietly on the back balcony he appears . There’s no escaping him at the moment . I relent and tell him I can squeeze another trip in for him . He retreats home . Just as I’m about to head in our upstairs neighbour Kerry appears . I tell her the news of Marcus’s imminent departure . She laughs and expels “Yes ” , with a fist pump . I begin to tell her about ole mates constant badgering when outta the blue he bobs up again .
He loves Kerry , thinks he’s a chance . Kerry’s maybe in her late 20s , has a rocking body and it was me who told Marcus so . The dumb fuck doesn’t remember I told him and now tells me that someone told him she’s got a great arse and rig . It’s when he sees Kerry that he follows her upstairs and then talks to her for 10 minutes whilst I move his shit . You see , Marcus has always relied on people to do things for him whilst he is free to entertain . It’s how it was when he was wealthy ( he was very wealthy ) and it’s something he still won’t adjust to . His Philliphino girlfriend will now be his banker and housekeeper. We eventually get to moving to his place , it’s whilst driving he tells me that he could smell Kerrys scent . I’m shaking my head . “You’re a filthy old c^*t “, I tell him . ” No I’m not . I reckon if I could’ve talked a little longer I could’ve been invited in and then I would’ve fucked her “, he says …. “Mate , you’re delusional .” , I tell him laughing .”Why ?”, he replies . “Mate , cause you’re 90 years old and look like Mr, Burns from ‘The Simpson’s ‘ . I love putting him down . The day before he invited me to play fusbool ( that table tennis / slash board thingy game ) . The only thing it wasn’t his table and it was in the next door neighbours place where mum and daughter were playing in the garage . The cheeky fuck was inviting me and himself over without even asking , all under the guise of staring out our neighbours beautiful 20 something daughter !! I said “you’re kidding mate , you can do it alone “. And he did . It wasn’t long before they packed up and closed the garage door . The poor women here are at his mercy . Remember he’s 67 with red hair . 
It was whilst writing this he walked straight through our open front door and asked if he could have one of the kids cinnamon scrolls sitting in their packaging on the kitchen bench . There is no end to this guys wants. I told him no as it was there’s for school tomorrow. He was stunned that I said no . Eventually I relented and gave him one , hoping that he’d leave , but no he stayed . He needed it microwaved and then tells me I should’ve bought a better quality scroll …… not kidding . ……… He’s leaving soon but tells me it’s another week and that he’d just extorted $2500 off the landlord as he was leaving a month early . He told her he was willing to go to court over it ……. She’s paying him out ….. can you believe it . Ole mate , he’s gotta go . 
aussiehowieinla 