It was so quiet this morning , deathly quiet. A thick fog had engulfed the coastline ,enveloping us in a grey dullness . There were no doors slamming , no music … or singing , no barking or shouting for the barking to stop at 645 am . Nothing could be heard but for the distant hum of traffic and the shore breakers swamping the sand on high tide . There was no car taking off with foot to the floor , blasting it’s 4 of 6 working cylinders . There was no light emanating across the way . There was no fresh pool of oil on the parking spaces out the front . There was no grey BMW with all of its panels dinted , duct tape keeping the lights on and more duct tape keeping the heavily caved in passenger door from falling off . The worst car on the street is now probably my 2006 Black Nissan Pathfinder. Oh well , it hasn’t a dent on it , and still has a catalytic converter attached . No dogs , bongs, cigar butts, golf clubs or Starbucks cups by the dozen in my car .
I walked down the street front with board under arm for the first time in a long while . I didn’t bother with the back alley . The door was open until 8pm last night and there was nothing . No knock , no pitter patter of dog feet , no yelling out incessantly ,”TROY !”or “Aussie , or gedddayy Osssie mate ! No yelling out , “Troy can you help me!” NOTHING
430 was the deadline . A $2500 cheque was riding on it . I relented and went up there . He had 15 minutes and there was at least 2 hours worth of moving and sorting left to go. I shook my head and rolled my eyes . Could it be any other way ? The two gay male models Uri and Florentino were moving stuff with tops off and abs gleaming , laughing the whole way . They’re the downstairs neighbours . Myrna was busy picking up the endless piles of shit that was hoarded . I moved around like a zombie and grabbed small pieces . Marcus ……….. he just talked and directed . Did I say before that this guy expects others to do stuff for him , and we do .
The landlord arrived . A Chinese woman named Jenny . She is a surgeon and she looked pissed . I think she wanted to get the scalpels out as soon as she got here . 6 minutes to go and the joint looked like a tip . “Marcus , you’ve got 6 minutes to get out before the locks are changed .” , Jenny orders . “Fuck you , it’s 445 , I’m gonna ring my fucking lawyer!”Marcus yells . Then a war of words erupts debating the time . She asks Marcus for the exit deeds ( I think that’s what it is ). He can’t find it . He’s incredible for this type of stuff . When you smoke dope all day everyday you’re short term memory is fucked . I oughta know , as this was me for 7 years . A stand off ensued. Jenny is threatening to call the police , Marcus is cursing her with barbs about feeling sorry for her patients and her husband . I step in ……… “Marcus, for Christs sake shut the fuck up .” I whisper in his ear . “You’ve extorted $2500 out of her for leaving early ,just leave the stuff up there …… it’s all just junk . Walk the fuck away and find that document .” He won’t . Eventually he realised that the deed is on his front seat . At 429 I go upstairs with Jenny and Marcus to witness the handing over of the deed and the $2500 cheque . You couldn’t script this any better . Either one won’t give up their document until they receive the other in their hand . They pause for 5 seconds without blinking . They don’t trust each other at all . If only I could’ve filmed this , fucking hilarious . Marcus ends up yelling “cmon ! ” Jenny reaches out and hands the cheque out but then pulls her hand back . I step in . “Marcus , just hand the deed over ……………It’s done . The locks are changed and ole mate is out . 
Fuck , did I say it was quiet ?
aussiehowieinla 