I didn’t do it for me , it was for Jody Goddard , Tara and a few others , I sensed there might be another late chapter left . I promised ole mate one last favour , I’d caulk his shower at his new place . After receiving 4 phone calls and 6 texts yesterday I thought I better get it outta the way. I woke up grumpy , a little irritated as I know there are always caveats to his requests……..”Troy , do you mind doing chair yoga with me this morning before we caulk the shower . It’s a favour for a good friend of mine who has low numbers and needs to keep her gig .”, love ,your brother Marcus . ……….WTF “You can’t be serious ? Geriatric yoga , that’s what you want me to do ? ” , I reply . ” Oh please , I told her I’d bring you , it’s only 45 minutes and it’s surprisingly good .” ” Ahhhhhh , ok just this once .
My mood is pretty dark , I await out the front of the community centre and there’s not a soul here . And then he rocks up with his dog , his red hair , beard and Cubs hat , with that big cheery grin plastered on his face . Behind him an old frail woman follows . ” Mate there’s no one fucken here . What’s going on ? Have all her customers died off .” The woman behind him looks at me in a hurt manner . It’s then I realise this woman is the teacher . We walk into an old high ceiling , oak floor boarded room and there’s just 3 fucking chairs in the middle of the room . It’s Marcus , me and our yoga instructor , who by the way can’t speak at all . No shit , she’s in her late 60s and has had a severe brain injury as a result of a car accident . She adjusts the seat so as she is facing directly opposite me with our knees almost touching , Marcus is off to the side ……Why me ?Why don’t I get to be the one on the side ?I have to look her directly in the eyes as an IPad starts to emit gentle music with instructions . I desperately wanted to take a photo but shit it’d be a bit disrespectful. This scene was comical and out of a Hollywood movie . When I got to close my eyes it was with incredible relief and it was at this point I almost burst out laughing . Howie , just think about anything . You’re not here and she’s not there with her knees just 6 inches from you . It’s not true , na na na na not happening. You’ll open your eyes and it’ll be time to wake up for the new day . …. No she’s still there . I follow her lead as we do these weird hand movements , shoulder rolls and head tilts . Marcus continually interrupts and talks over the music asking questions about Australia and Tim ( yes you Tim Allen , he has an urgent business proposition to discuss with you , he needs your email ) and all other shit . Next we’ve got this scarf thing between each hand ,stretching and swaying ,but the movements aren’t rhythmical there clunky and awkward and oh my god I can’t stop my lip from curling up as I think I’m gonna piss myself laughing . Fortunately Marcus’s dog Teddy grabs the middle of her scarf and tries to rip it off her , forcing her back as if she’s about to fall flat on her back whilst on her chair . Marcus shouts “No Teddy ! ” By this time I can’t believe I’m here seeing this . Eventually we do a number of little tricks with balls under our feet and between our legs , and then passing the ball back and forth between each other . No , this really happened , no mayonnaise on this story . 45 minutes had passed and we still hadn’t used all the toys at our disposal. Standing against the wall we stared at each other and then finally I closed my eyes as she gently touched each hand and dabbed an aromatherapy oil on each wrist followed then by her getting down and blessing my feet . 70 minutes later it was over and that was after she stood in front of me with a blank face and showed me her phone , she wanted my email and phone number . Ohh , fuck did I tell you I was soft ? Whaddya do ? I can’t not give it to her .. I felt sorry for her . ”
“Hey , Troy did you bring her some money , we’ve got to pay her .”
aussiehowieinla 