School bowls

The school fundraising committee organised a dads day on the green for lawn bowling . It was an auction item that I put my name down for . As the day drew closer it was obvious that some of the dads i’d rather be socialising with weren’t there , but no matter ,I decide that I should put myself out there anyway . It was odd to not receive any notification with the date looming , it was only Emma who received an email , maybe mine wasn’t legible on the sign on . I deliberately got in there about 15 minutes late but to my surprise the joint was full , with the guys receiving a run down on the days proceedings . I drift in quietly around the back with just a little bit , no a lot of self awareness . Almost everyone is wearing white collared shirts , khaki shorts and boat shoes . It just so happened by chance that I was wearing a white t shirt and pale beige shorts , with no real thought to abiding to some old fashioned etiquette. I got lucky on this one as there were a couple of guys in similar getup . It was then put to my attention that I should’ve paid the $75 for the day online after receiving an email . Nah , never got that , but $80 cash was handed over and all was good . These are the moments that occasionally pop up where you realise you are from a very different upbringing . There’s that sniff of ‘the old boys club ‘ amongst a group of the dads that oozes self importance . Ahhh well fuck it , I’m gonna have to start drinking beer real quick to break off that layer of insecurity and judgemental deliberation that can often paralyse me . It’s when I reach down to grab a beer from the ice bucket that I realise I’m going to need to drink quick as there are only a dozen full strength beers , with the other 60+ being either Bud light or Coors light ( awful) . After downing a couple and loosening up you begin to appreciate the vibe . There’s a dude sitting on a stool strumming the guitar singing some classic 90s tunes , there’s laughter and a feel that this mightn’t be so stiff after all . Shit I better eat something before we are assigned our teams ( pulling numbers out of a hat ) , as the lubrication has had the desired effect, but alas the 15 hot dogs are quickly gobbled up without replacements , there’s a tray of shredded chicken without any means but to use our fingers to scoop it up and then there is still no where near enough food for 35 dads plus the bowling club staff . It’s just corn chips from here . With no food and the heavy beer drank in the 1st half an hour it looks like I’ll have to suck it up . Fortunately Paul grabs a bottle of vodka hiding behind the chips and tops up my cup of Gatorade . Now it’s time to rip up this green . I’ve got a fellow surfer in Hans and a bloke named John , I’m captain . We blitz our 1st game , are drawn in the winners bracket to play another team that just happened to be the 3 main guys who seemed to be running this show . It’s meant to be loose and just a bit of fun but these guys are well……….,, yeah it felt hierarchical and contrived that they were at the top of the green where the winners would reside . This is where it got painful ….. it’s was competitive , I couldn’t have bowled much better , I was desperate to beat these fuckers . I kissed the jack 3 times in 4 ends but they beat us convincingly 5 nil . With a condescending ” you guys were really competitive ” we took our medicine …. me I went looking for that vodka . Geezus Howie you don’t have to win all the time I say to myself , but it’s not that …. I just didn’t want to see that same type of group that you see in any wealthy town always ending up the winner . Fucken pricks , ahh well I better just drink up , fortunately another dozen IPAs ( heavy beer ) are added to the ice . Eventually we win our last game and no one really cares or remembers who won or lost .., except me , oh and of course those 3 guys . We end up at a bar around the corner before I end up talking to a few other dads and then drifting off to a friends house to continue onto the next session . Today was a fun day . Yes , there’s a few wankers in any town , this place probably has more than it’s fair share but bowling with a few beers was fun and I’m glad that I went . Next year …….. let’s get the right crew in , get some food , proper alcohol ,loosen right up and bowl for laughs .