50 Knott’s

I told you it got cold .How cold? I walked out the back on a frigid steely grey morning .The shock of the wet concrete on my feet jarred all the way up into my jawbone .Fuck ,this is fucked up cold . I’ve got 250 yards of early morning bitumen and concrete to travail . I get to the sand but even it is insanely cold . “This is bullshit .” I declare to myself . I’m the very 1st guy in the water ,it isn’t nearly as cold but my feet have gone numb .I don’t recover ,surf super poor in painfully weak waves and head back home , but still the concrete is practically frozen . I get home and jump straight into a hot shower , my feet go an unusually bright red .It would be hours before the burning itch and colour subside . It gets a lot colder back in Victoria ( Australia) but usually you jump outta the car and probably put the booties on ,but you don’t need them here ,or I haven’t needed them yet ,but today caught me by surprise . It turns out the temperature was below 5 degrees Celsius and eventually creeps up to 13 . Later that day we would white knuckle our way up the 91 freeway in whiteout conditions .Eventually the day would come (2 years 8 months ) ,driving on concrete freeways in heavy rain .We made it unscathed ,fortunately the need to break and test the tyres on wet concrete didn’t come ,but I will say the sphincter was tightly puckered all the way .There’s no way we are going to Knottsberry farm today , it’ll have to be Saturday.

Unfortunately the change of days would have a big effect on our day ….crowds .Its pretty hard to judge Knottsberry when it’s so busy . The moment we get in the park we head to to the Ghost rider ,the largest timber roller coaster on the West Coast of the US .The wait time on the ride is already a staggering 2 hours ,just 20 minutes after the park opening . Nah ,stuff that . We get to the Supreme Scream and it doesn’t take too long to get to the front and then experience the 50 yard plummet .Amped up we decide to queue up for the next mad ride ,a roller coaster that has some mad arse reverse hairpin turn and a couple of 360 loops . 30 minutes later we get to the front ,we’re on the next ride .I’m nodding with a grin and a glint in my eye to Emma and Leroy ,the excitement and anticipation is about to come to its conclusion……and then it happens .The riders before us don’t come back , they’re stuck on the track .The thing has fucking broke down ! We are left with the decision to either wait or quit and hopefully come back and queue all over again .We walk after 5 minutes ,the ride reopens 90 minutes later , by this time the wait time on the line is over an hour . By lunchtime the park is bustling ,I’m pushing hard to keep on queuing but the kids vote me down for lunch ….we pay the price . Emma and I decide to line up for the Hang Time coaster whilst the kids played arcade games , the sign at the start of the ride stated it was a 65 minutes . “Stuff it let’s do it ,”I say . Eventually a gruelling 95 minute wait would ensue. The ride was off the charts, no doubt the most exhilarating theme park ride I’d ever been on , but no ride will ever get me lining up for 95 minutes …no , not ever again .Aching feet , lower back seizing and with a 5 mile stare we leave the park after 6 hours and really only see a small section ,riding only 2 of the signature rides ( there’d be at least 6 ) . It could’ve been different ; you can buy fast track passes which doubles your entry fee ,or better still ,hit it midweek . We learned our lesson ,we won’t be back on a weekend and I learned mine …I’m not big on theme parks .You can take the over priced shit food ,the huge lines ,the strollers and the sore feet and shove it up your arse . …..Now let’s get back and hit Damo’s 50th birthday party , theme park fatigue or not .

Damo turned 50 . We know Damian and Maddy from a chance encounter on only our 2nd day here . The 1st people we strike up a conversation with just happen to be Aussies at the local Target store, who just live up the road .What are the odds? Maddy acted as a kind of chaperone to American life for Emma and us . Knowing Damian and Maddy has opened up our network of fellow Aussies living in LA . There normal people who just happen to be pretty talented .We are talking Oscar nominees , music producers and head honchos ,but when we are in the Court’s ( Damian and Maddy) backyard drinking and letting the hair down it’s just a normal Aussie piss up with a few American friends to fill out the crew . At the end of Damos 50th bday speech he finished in typical fashion ; zip lining from his back patio into his swimming pool fully clothed in 10 degree drizzle . Would it be any other way ? Emma and I ?…..Hammered . We always get home after midnight when we do the Courts …….when the Aussie expats get together ….we always see it out as one of the last to leave ……we can’t help ourselves . It’s cold , Knottsberry farm is ticked off and I’m only just recovering …..can’t wait for the annual Australia Day bbq at the Courts .