We just finished week 20 of covid restrictions . This week in particular sent shockwaves through the Howard household . When the text message came through we weren’t sure . Neither was the person sending the message . “Nah , hopefully it’s a rumour . I’m not taking this as fact until we hear more . “ I sat down and contemplated what I just said …and then I knew it . It was true . Denial was the 1st place I went to . It’s a lot like this town . Let’s look the other way and not talk about it . It’s what I do on a daily basis .
For a pandemic , Hermosa Beach is a pretty good place to live . We are blessed to live near the beach . LA’s best natural asset is it’s long sandy beaches , but you don’t come here for that .You leave Australia to visit Hollywood ,Disneyland ,maybe a drive through Beverly Hills and then off to Vegas and the Grand Canyon . Of course Australia has great beaches , better beaches than here ,but when you live in LA the Southbay and it’s coastal life is where you wanna be . It’s a privilege to live here and that’s not a throw away line . The kids have a good life here . There’s not much they don’t have or can’t have . They have free reign . The area is is an enclave that spreads through laneways , condensed housing , beach paths and considerable wealth . Life can be good here , sometimes too good .
When the news was confirmed I was numbed to the core . My 1st thought wasn’t even a statement or a feeling ,it was a memory of Tex and his mate in the water off sixth street . They could’ve been twins . Both with their blonde hair and that golden brown tan that kids get in their early years . Shit ,he was a good looking young kid ,probably a bit prettier than Tex , which I know sounds funny when talking about adolescent boys . Looks can be deceiving though . Behind the beauty was a kid who was just starting to find a different path . A path that would use his street smarts and high intelligence for another cause . He was one of the earliest kids Tex would become friends with .Every friend is important when you come from another country . His mother was maybe the 1st parent I exchanged phone numbers with . Eventually events and time would push the boys apart .They both had other things going on . Both had their issues and their own circles they moved in . It was only recently that those circles started to meet again and their contact with each other started to increase .It would stop last Sunday .
The right of passage is a teenagers time . Drinking , smoking , sex and experimenting . It comes with the territory . A lot of us went through it , me later than most . Here the kids see it earlier . A lot do it earlier and a few push harder . He was no angel ,playing a risky game that eventually would stop his heart . From here there’s been nothing . Maybe 7 days is too soon . To not see a police report , a statement , a news article , a write up in either local paper , nothing online …..please tell me it’s too soon . Please don’t tell me that this most perfect of places isn’t willing to tell a tale that is hardly perfect . Please don’t tell me that this sunny paradise hasn’t got shadows . Maybe we can’t prick “the bubble .”
What I do is not think about it . I brush it off , look inward and think about myself . This time I really tried to exchange places . The aching pain of the parent . Knowing that they slowly stopped breathing meters from where you slept and theirs nothing you can do to change it . The mother who goes into her child’s room to change the bed sheets , to pick up the clothes off the floor . The smell of your child still there . Even their dirty socks and underwear. Their most private of physical being just wearing them ….for the very last time . They’ll never be in this room again . Their smell ,their scent ,their troubles ,their humour , their voice ….never again . The thought that your 1st born child was here the day before ,just hours ago and is now cold and lifeless in a morgue is totally soul shattering . We all know people and have friends that have passed in tragic circumstances but this one is close to home for me . I didn’t see it effecting me like it has . It really came from left field . This could easily be Tex , your son or daughter . So painful .
Just 1 pill …dead at 15 ….RIP kid .
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