So you’re heading to the Amalfi Coast . That most revered coastal stretch of Italy where movie stars , influencers , the wealthy and any one who wants to be seen to be someone will be seen . If you’ve gotta trip booked here and you’re on a bit of a fitness kick so as you can look good for your Insta shots here’s a word of advice ……Ozempic , oh and throw in Botox too . Trust me you’re gonna need it . There’s a dress code needed and I definitely missed the memo .White leather sneakers , pastel coloured shorts or chinos ,white cotton shirt with buttons , preferably long sleeved and rolled back to the elbows. Maybe a nice wool necked sweater draped over your shoulders .You know the look . American preppy boy and shit the joint has been invaded with them too , along with their cheerleader partners . It’s a spectacularly beautiful spot , with postcard shots at every turn . That’s the give away really . We are all here for the shot . It’s not the place for stars anymore . They left in the late 90 s .It’s for the rest of us try hards . Sometimes it sucks to be Australian. We hear that we are good looking and popular . Take out Hugh Jackman and Margo Robby and a few other young stars and your left with the rest of us .Irish and English stock . Plain ,really fucking plain , borderline ugly I’d say . Compare us to the young Texans , Floridians , the Europeans and of course the locals and you’ll soon realise you were born hitting most of the branches on the way down .
When we exited the ferry ( the Positano jet ) in Positano you are met with a throng of travellers crammed in on a cobblestone landing leading into a beautiful little beach cafe area with stone beach perfectly marked out with blue and white lounges . You know the look . That one you’ve always seen in magazines and travel shows . We get set upon immediately by porters spruiking their services ,for this place you have to walk like a mountain goat via several pathways , steep rows of steps all the while shoulder to shoulder with fellow tourists . Don’t do what we did and google map your way to your apartment with heavy suit cases . After several attempts looking like complete flogs with fellow travellers smirking at us we gave up and used the porters . 20 euro was well worth the investment . Both of us were saturated with sweat and broken by the time we got to our apartment , but boy did Emma choose a place fitting of a Euro wannabe influencer .
This place is a pinch your self location . A fucking amazing . Pure eye candy for both people watching and for its postcard shots . Yes I’ve lived in LA and defended my adopted Americans to my Aussie friends . Where we lived the Yanks aren’t brash , aren’t loud and are not dislikable but here …..well the stereotype lives on strong . The Europeans are typically aloof , borderline rude unless your buying something from them . Mix it in with expensive art shops , restaurants,cool bars and alfresco dining and you’re in a Mecca for people watching . I do love judging and labelling a wanker , it’s probably why I loved this spot . 2 days here is all you’ll need . I thoroughly recommend it .
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