This reign of terror is about to end , for now . Politics , it’s all encompassing…. for some . Me , I don’t mind it , but not at the expense of my need to daydream or switch off . That’s what adds are for , for either flicking through tv stations or for zoning out . It’s the mid terms here . Yeah I know you don’t care ,but this country is hooked up on campaigning . We ( I ) just want them to shut the fuck up , do their job and then campaign no more than 3 weeks out . Not here . Last night whilst watching the news I counted 8 consecutive advertisements on political agendas ….. fucking crazy . This has been going on for months now . It started with the odd add back in May , now it’s saturation . I’m telling you they’re not normal . How can you be when every 2nd house has a flag , they’ve got a president who was a reality tv star , there’s mass murders every other week , guns are loved , homeless is at an all time high ,and then we’ve gotta put up with endless political campaigns that are frankly a waste of time and money . Ummmm , can we fix this ? Not fucking likely , we’ve got campaigns to run and this is big business . Advertising agencies are making a fortune shoving this shit down our throats . Australia take note ; this country’s elected spend more time on strategising on getting re elected than what they do on governing . As an outsider it’s laughable ……., please Aussie politics we don’t need to copy this mess . …………. I think we are .

2nd time around . This time we dress up (this brilliant photo courtesy of Tim Allan ) Once again , this is a very big day . Just wish they moved it to the last Friday or Saturday of October, this year it fell on Wednesday . It’s amazing the freedom you get from wearing a costume . I may have misread the spirit of Halloween by adopting an intimidating outfit but before long that baseball bat grew a life of its own . Shit , as I look back ….. I may have pushed the rules of political correctness. A couple of beers down , with mask on and not being immediately recognisable ,the bat started to find its way to body parts that previously were ….. well , taboo. After tapping the arses of friends both male and female , I woke up and realised this maybe inappropriate. Ahh well , uncouthness might be a bit of an Australian trait . There was no sleaze intended , well nearly none . This year we intended to track far and wide to show Tim Allan ( our Aussie mate that a lot of you know ) some of the truly elaborate and amazing themes that each householder reveals on this big day . By nights end we had only migrated a couple of streets up but shit it was jam packed . We had a house providing a taco stall free for anyone in the public , giant spider webs , light shows , talking skeletons and then there was the outfits , nearly everything covered . If there’s one noticeable understanding of dressing up over here ; it’s anything will do , fairytales , politics , celebrities and dressing to scare is almost not done . Might I’ve got that one wrong .In keeping with the Halloween theme we ended up at Leroy’s little girlfriends house , none other than the dad I cut off in traffic a couple of weeks previously. Fuck it , I’ll have to keep that mask on . To think that kids went to school and parents went to work the next day had me shaking my head , surely this day needs a long weekend . Halloween , it’s huge here

Finally we get to tick this box . It’s been in the making for a while , but we’ve had to wait on the calendar opening up . High School football , or as we call It ,gridiron. A 7 pm start had Emma , Leroy , his mate Wesley and myself entering just as the school band started it’s street march into the stadium with police escort .Ohh yeah , Emma and I looked at each other and laughed , this is great . The police blocking the road off for a high school band on their way into a teenagers game of football !!! It happens here , and I must admit it raised the excitement level .Shit this is Americana at its best and we,re not even inside .Leroy and Wesley are dancing , strutting and whooping it up as we march in sync with the band to the entry point . Our Mornington mate Tim is already inside sitting right under the announcers box on the terraces of a pretty reasonable sized grandstand for high school sport . Once inside ($30 for the 4 of us ) it’s straight to the canteen for some oily pepperoni pizza and root beer ( sarspiralla) , and then it’s intro time . A minutes silence for the passing of a beloved sport coach and a rousing rendition of the national anthem by the school band had the hairs on the back of the neck standing up . The Yanks do this so well , when it comes to show time , they know how to build the atmosphere , no matter the age and level . Cheerleaders chanting , dancing and building pyramids had us all in wonder . This is hilarious , are we not in some high school movie ? Emma loves this stuff , Tim too . Ok , so do I . Come game time , the stands are pretty full , and impressive crowd on a cool Fall evening . The game itself isn’t a great spectacle , at times following the ball is difficult in the light but fortunately we had Tim and Wesley . Wesley’s commentary and high fiving kept us entertained . Normally you can’t get boo out of him . And then there was Tim ; verbally replaying moments with his beautiful fake American accent , standing up slapping high Fives and playful sledges that had the crowd around us laughing . Sledging has to be done with extreme caution over here , Tim had it down pat , relying on Aussie innocence and lines from the many American films he recites . By nights end Mira Costa had a good win ;there was nearly a scrap on field that had Tim and I straight on our feet , I looked around and nearly everyone was still seated , we had a laugh as Tim commentated to the crowd on how the event unfolded .At half time the field was converted into a giant stage ,with fake trees , giant moon , dancers and performers putting on a show for the crowd . From finish to end there is non stop entertainment,this is the American way . The jocks playing , the girls dancing , musos playing , drama kids acting and cheerleaders cheering . Nearly every kid has a chance to be centre stage , which is something I admire . It builds a great school camaraderie . We ate some horribly shit food , and that had me wondering how a hot Aussie meat pie would fare here . I say it’d sell for sure . Alcohol is a no go , but judging by the men lined up to hit the bathroom ( dunnies) it must come in by flask or other means , shit I missed that one .By 930 it’s over , and I must say I was glad for that , not for the spectacle but more the game itself . This is a game Aussie kids can excel at , but that’s another story . High School Football …. we enjoyed that , it’s something I’d recommend any Aussie tourist try and squeeze in

You never know what you might stumble across when you live in California .Harrison Ford , Andrew Bogut and Skip Engblom are just a few we’ve ran into . There are others , some we know and others that you know you know but you can’t quite recall from where . Tex , well he’s been a handful . To try and get him to do anything is a task in itself . He goes to Brazilian jujitsu and Muay Thai, but only under sufferance . I’m required to get him shin guards and gloves . It’s something I don’t want to really invest in as there’s no guarantee he’l stick to it . If only he would , this sport suits him . This brings me to the chase . Surely I can walk in and just buy equipment ; no it isn’t that easy , as it seems everything is online . Not even the biggest sporting goods joints like Dicks sell this stuff . Finally, as I was about to give up and hit up Amazon I saw a little add for a guy in Redondo Beach . I call up the the place and an old guy answers the phone , he’s pissed off that I found him . He tells me no one rings him by phone . He wants to know how I found him . I tell him , “Mate , it’s on your website. All I’m after is a pair of gloves and shin guards . Do you have any I can walk in and purchase ?” He says yes , he’l be there from 12 to 3 and then abruptly hangs up . Fuck , what do I do ? I sense this is a little different so I decide to do it . I drag Leroy and his mate Wesley along for the adventure after picking them up from school . Once finding the address, we are left looking at a multi-storey building looking for ‘Winning USA ‘ signage , but there doesn’t seem any such place . Eventually a lady directs us to central management . From here security looks at us with raised eyebrows and says , “Oh , Winning USA , you want to go there ?” Yes I say …. “Ok , then ….. follow me , says the female security guard . She shows us the glass front door to a small waiting lounge . Immediately I’m thinking this isn’t your average joint . There are a couple of young looking dudes sitting on a couch , another is signing a piece of paper with an old Japanese man standing with arms crossed . The walls are covered in photos of GGG , Many Paquio , Canelo Alveraz , some with the Japanese guy in the shot . And here’s me with two grade 2s looking for a pair of beginner gloves . Shit ….. how do I shuffle out of here , this joint is for real , and for real fucking boxers …. big time . I can’t , we are now at the attention of the old guy . He gestures with a nod of the eyes to sit . The kids are looking at all the photos , they find the WBO championship belt that a boxer has donated . The kids are running their fingers along on it , giving it a tug ….. Holy fuck don’t damage anything boys ,please . Eventually it’s our turn . Once again I’m interrogated about ringing his phone and how no one dares ring him , it’s email only . I do my best to disarm him with Australian twang but it’s the kids who do that for me . I sit down and write my details down . He writes Leroy and Wesley’s details down too . He asks them what they want to do and what sport they see themselves excelling in . It’s all written in Japanese. We are then escorted into the back room where all the equipment lies . He tells me that Manny Paquio will be in next month to pick his order up …. Okkkaay . That’s when I start seeing price tags ; gloves $250 upwards , head guards $500 and then there’s shoes with custom names ( the fighters) embroidered on them . Geezus , I’ve gotta muster the courage up to get outta here , and then bang the door opens and 3 Asian guys and a tough looking Mexican barge in . One guy looks very Asian mafia . They all greet the old man and comfort him . He doesn’t look impressed but they are all joking and poking fun at the old guy . Still , you can tell he commands their absolute respect . That’s when I cut in an apologise and explain that this isn’t the place for us . The old man says …. “yet , you don’t know .” I laugh and apologise , but before I leave I ask who the 3 fighters in the premise are . One is a top young amateur, Joshua Anton, who is about to have his 1st professional bout . The 2nd guys name was impossible to pronounce but I’m assured he is a potential title contender and the third guy is a two time world title holder in Alfredo Angulo. Angulo lost to Canelo Alveraz in 2014 . For those who don’t know who Alveraz is , he’s the best boxer on the planet , right now . This is a photo with the boys and Alfredo , the only one I was game to take . Check the title belt in the back ground Sometimes you never know where royalty resides . For boxing equipment it is an old man in an office that no one knows about , except champions and those who aspire to be . The man they want is Kazumichi , an ex boxer who supplies the best . How did I stumble onto this place ? Hell it was worth the adventure .

Worried . Watching the baseball . Increasingly captivating . The World Series , Yep , a Home team helps , but it’s not that . It’s Emma , she’s relaying the scores whilst I cook . Yeah I know , role reversal . Ok, that’s cool your wife is interested in your sporting team but this is our prime time Saturday night entertainment and it’s a family affair . We are locked in , alcohol at the ready and are now in shock; 4 nil is now now 4 all in a heart beat . Shocking . Emma plays fantasy football ( NFL ) and was pumping her fist and yahooing after changing her kicker , who then went on to kick a 56 yard goal in the last play of the game , giving her and his team a remarkable last gasp victory . We’ve been here a minute but American sport has United the family quicker than what AFL football or cricket ever has . I think it’s new ties , a clean slate with no historical roots, a city with few rival teams and a whole community around us who support the same teams . Shit , St.Kilda and all its hopeless misery ……. it feels good to win and contend for championships . Fuck , Dodgers this is nerve racking , your killing me ….. I’m glass half empty and sniff pain ( as I write we are now 5 4 down …. fucken game has me hooked ) , but then I’ve got my Rams , backm in for the SuperBowl . Please for once I wanna be on the champions . Living in LA ….. we only back winners . If the Dodgers lose tonight theyre dis owned .

Crushed it , or should I say it crushed me , again . I’ve been in a stupor all day . Fuck this , I think I need to change tack with going out with Aussie mates . When I think back and see Tims feet at head height walking to the men’s toilet , I know things got a little loose . Yes Tim was in handstand position walking on his …… hands . True . Just saying that stuff happened . Let’s go back 1st . We had a couple of beers and watched the sun go down , always a beautiful sight here . Something I don’t grow tired of . . Leroy , Emma , Tim and myself then went into Hermosa and caught up with another family and watched the baseball . Everyone in town is riding the Dodgers as they look to reach the World Series. They end up losing which was an anti climax , but don’t worry we weren’t too down about it . I’ve declared them to win game 7 , That’s where it should’ve stopped , but fuck it , let’s head to the North End bar and get smashed….. . I had to laugh , just like last time I was here with Ant , old mate was sitting at the same spot at the bar , with his crazy smile , his 6 pack of bud light tattooed to his guts and his continual yahooing and whistling. That’s when I knew it was time to fasten the seatbelt . I think we’re gonna give it a crack .I know ,we’re too old for that shit . I only anticipated having 1 maybe 2 beers and that was pretty true . The 10 Jameson’s , well….,. that wasn’t part of the plan .Yep , that’s two nights out at the North End with two top Aussie blokes . It was worth the pain …,wasn’t it Tim?Fuck , I’ve got a head ache .

I kept seeing his stuff on line . Fuck has this guy morphed into something unrecognisable from where he started ?Ok , I didn’t watch everything and sometimes I skimmed through his stuff , hell I know you’d do the same to me . It isn’t personal it’s just how social media works . All those photos of rice patties , pink Indonesian sunsets and foreign lands didn’t seem real . TA was some guy out there on the edge of reality , living out a self fulfilled fantasy of personal discovery . We are all a little jealous , stuck in the grind of working day after day , looking after kids and generally tending after our own nest . You check your phone and here he is again in some far flung part of the world , telling his story . Sometimes you roll your eyes and go ” lucky prick, I haven’t got time to look at this stuff ” , but eventually you scroll back on his adventures and sigh , ” Good on ya Tim “. Yeah I know that guy , “kids have a look at this guy , he used to play for the Saints and he’s now travelling all over the place. “. “Dad we don’t care “. When he contacted me to let me know he was coming over to the States I got a little nervous . I don’t even know why , maybe it was that tinge of excitement that a guy all the way from Tanti Park was gonna meet another of his kind on the other side of the world . Riding a bike from Canada to Mexico , yep I rolled my eyes at that one too , but I was envious . When he rang me to tell me that he was going to ride from Ventura to Hermosa Beach , I thought bullshit . Surely not ? ( think Torquay to Mornington ) . Then the post from Venice Beach . That’s when I realised he was close . I told Emma I wouldn’t go to the kids party , instead I”l check the surf out . I walked down to the 90210 house ( some scenes were filmed here ) and hung on the corner . I gave myself 15 minutes , I didn’t want to stand around too long . It’d look like I was eyeing off every woman who passed, which is pretty easy to do here . 10 minutes passed and I’d had enough , I turned and took a couple of steps and then thought shit I better look around one last time . It’s been an hour since his post so he’s either just been or he must be close . The moment I turned my head I saw his tall frame a good 300 yards away . In dark clothing , bike decked out with bags and other stuff , looking like one of those mad European backpackers that you look at and say “Stupid fuck , better you than me “. As he closes in I suddenly feel a little foolish . Tim must think I’ve been waiting all day for him , like some fan waiting to get a high 5 . He’s almost past me and I still don’t say anything. One side of my brain is pleading for me to yell out , the other is saying keep quiet you look like a dick , that way he won’t see you . ….” Ooooy!” I yell ….” Howieeee , how are ya mate.” Tim replies. Tim and his mate Carl pull over . It’s a little awkward , we shake hands and nearly hug each other until I pull out after seeing his sweat soaked shirt. ” Better not Tim , we’l stick to the handshake “. …….And there it is ; a guy we all know and like back home , riding past our house on his way to Mexico. Weird as … Fuck , Tim Allen who would’ve thought we’d meet again under these circumstances on the other side of the world . I remember running into you at Bensons Square shopping centre in Mornington and telling you of our imminent departure to LA . The next time we meet …… the Strand on Hermosa Beach . No we are not making this up . Later we hit the Pier and have a beer . Beat that shot TA

I can’t move . It’s the fear . The Dodgers , I’m all in , can watch them all day . I can’t believe I’m in this space . It’s American sport for Christ’s sake , and baseball ! It’s not the AFL but the LA hype and that everyone else is on them too has me glued on . I’ll always follow the Dodgers from here on in . You know the feeling ? It’s in your gut . You wanna see your team win . You know they’re good , but you know the other team is too and you know outside of LA everyone wants you to lose . Shit , this must be what it’s like to barrack for Collingwood . The weather’s cleared up and we should be out n about . Emma’s out getting her haircut and Leroy’s out back playing kickball with his mate Cooper . One problem , our neighbour has his Ferrari parked out of his garage . ” Geezus boys , be careful . If you hit his car with the Ball run down to Coopers place and hide with his dad , Bill .The fear is twofold . Do I sit out and watch the kids potentially hit the Ferrari ? Or stay and watch the Dodgers …. maybe , possibly .. lose . It’s tense , fucking tense but I do the responsible thing and stay inside and watch the Dodgers win a cliffhanger . I better have a beer and then check on the kids

Rain , it doesn’t happen here . I laugh when I watch the news and the building excitement that it could possibly happen . Just a week earlier we were told it was a 90% possibility , but as usual the 10% prevailed . The radar revealed a green mass south of us between Long Beach and San Diego , I smiled and shook my head . Nah . it’s gonna slide below us as normal . I do take the positive out of this ; it is this mass which was once an off shore hurricane that helped give us a week of waves . Marcus leaves for Carbo tomorrow. He rang to tell me he walked into a motor home and smashed his head . ” So you can’t go to Carbo “. Please tell me you are . “Yes Troy but I hurt myself !” …., ” And ? That’s because you’ve got red hair and a bald patch . That shit doesn’t happen to non gingers “, I reply . “What the fuck are you talking about Troy? You smart arse . I had to put up with that shit as a kid “. ” I’m just reminding you of the facts Marcus , that’s all .” He’s ringing because he really wants me to walk his dog , Teddy . I don’t mind cause he’s gonna be gone for a week , maybe longer if he gets caught with contraband . The whole Holliday is paid for by his fellow Alcoholics Anonymous friend who has showered sympathy on Marcus . What his AA mates don’t know is that Marcus is constantly stoned on weed . He’s smuggling a bunch of edibles in to Mexico as he can’t cope with being sober . Mexico doesn’t have an open mind like California does . The sky looks ominous , a brilliant sunset followed by a distant lightening show , hmmm … it might happen . Shit multiple things could happen , all positive : Marcus will be gone for a week , his plane could get struck by lightening and crash ( not good for everyone else but good for the neighbours ), he might get caught in possession and get locked up for a year and it could even ……. rain Wishful thinking ?Awfully quiet this morning , no one yelling out from across the street ….. and what is that stuff on the window ?

Nah mate I’m not letting you get away with that . I drive out and cut him off cold . It’s the school time rush and I’m at my favourite little 6 way stop . It’s supposed to work on an honour system. Cars push through the intersection in the order they arrive . For the most part drivers act fairly , occasionally there’ll be a misunderstanding and someone will jump the queue by one , and then there’s the blatant .. ‘ I’m going now cause I’m in a hurry and I’m important .’ I’ve just blatantly cut this type off and reinserted myself into the rightful order . I get through the intersection and up the road ; when I see my queue jumper fly up the inside looking for a winning move across PCH ( major hwy , think Nepean Hwy Southland ) . He gets held up by a turning car who has to wait for a pedestrian. He catches the red and I sail through on the orange , nice . I nod my head and smile , get some of that motherfucker . We get to school and I’m at my same little street crawling along looking for a park . I’m waiting for a woman to come through in the opposite direction when I sense someone is close on my tail ; yep it’s the same guy . He’s familiar , another school dad . Oh well it doesn’t change anything , dad or no dad , you dont get special treatment at my expense . Things don’t change , I slip into the last park left on the street . Old mate has to go around . I cruise into school pretty happy with myself . 3 duals for 3 wins . I help Leroy hang his bag up and wish him a good day . I turn around and it had to be ….. old mate just happens to be a father of one of Leroy’s classmates. What are the odds? Harley’s ( a girl ) Dad . Shit ….. I guess we might not be friends for a while yet .