It’s funny how it happens . I remember the same patterns back in Melbourne . After a month long hot spell , with unusually high humidity the weather feels as if it has turned . Just in tune with the kids going back to school , the all day beach weather has dissipated . The ceiling fans that have ran nearly 24 hours are only needed in the heat of the afternoon and only on some nights . Nearly 3 months of calm seas and sweltering haze has turned into cool quiet mornings , with sea fog and lines in the water . Yes , that’s what keeps my attention more than anything else when I stop to look out the doors , or when I’m driving down the streets . When I pick Leroy up from school and drive up over the rise I’m looking for signs …….. lines ? Where the fuck are they , surely they’l creep in from the horizon . The Pacific is dormant here from late June to early September , that’s what everybody tells me . Except last year it was more like July until November . I’ve been repeatedly told that the last 2 years have been the worst in memory . That makes me laugh , I’ve been here for 18 months of it . But on the 1st day back at school what happens ? A north west wind swell pushes into meet a long range south swell . The south swells originate way down in Mexico , fuelled by off shore hurricanes and storms . By the time the southerly swells reach LA they push in and close out at 2 to 4 feet most of the time . The north west swells that originate off Canada spin out into the Ocean above San Francisco into the colder water pushing short range peaky waves into LA . 3 consecutive days of actually rideable waves has eventuated . Still weak , and not big enough to surf out the front of my house but they’re breaking and Elporto is the place . There’s no choice , that’s where I’ve gotta go ……. with everybody else .I’ve been fortunate to tap into it for all 3 days , each day feeling a little better than the last . I think it’s a little cooler than this time last year , although the water is still warm enough to surf in board shorts and a vest or a spring suit. Elporto sits right below the school spa . I park my car in the spa car park , suit up and walk down . At the end of the surf I’m in the spa at 1030 ready to go .Everything seems quiet , now that school has started , but the waves ……. they’ve just got busier …I was fortunate to find this little right out the front of the Chevron plant . I don’t know why but it’s always quiet here , I guess the ugly monster out front scares people …….. good. It’s been a long drought but I think it’s over , back to normal transmission, bring on the waves

We couldn’t avoid it any longer . After confronting our written test at the DMV ( department of motor vehicles ) we were happy to steer clear of the happiest little place in LA ……. not . Only problem is that after 12 months if you haven’t done your driven test you must re sit the written . The written isn’t easy so it’s time for driving lessons . 2 hours! Emma 1st me 2nd . Off we go , driving a hybrid electric . I’m trying to keep both hands on the steering wheel and then there’s the speed limit . I don’t even know what the speeds are on the roads around he , I just do my own thing . I haven’t been booked yet , seems pretty hard to . Mario takes me out to Torrance , it’s sort of like Frankston in its size and traffic volume . We are driving along a major thoroughfare talking away when suddenly he’s slamming on my brakes . “Troy , didn’t you see the stop sign . That’s an automatic fail ” You’re fucking kidding me Mario , we shouldn’t have to stop and give way for a small off road like that , and the yellow line has been worn away . That’s bullshit “. He laughs and says ” the sign is still there and it is red with the word stop on it ” . Ok I didn’t see it , didn’t expect it and should’ve stopped . This is one of the absurd traffic setups that exists over here . Stopping at every cross intersection for smaller roads , crazy. A roundabout would make more sense and only at bigger intersections . The little roads should give way to the bigger . Not here . Later I fail a 2nd time when he asks me to turn right on a red light , you can do that here . I do , there’s traffic coming from the left so I pull tight into the nearest inside right lane . I start to accelerate so I can merge back into the middle . “Troy pull into the 1st road on your right . You just had an automatic disqualification. You turned into the bike lane .” ” I know , but surely common sense prevails and you merge out of it . It’s the size of an entire traffic lane for Christ’s sake .” “No Troy , you can’t ever turn into a bike lane .” I’m laughing and shaking my head . “Mate , this is another ridiculous little road rule that shouldn’t be here .” This is part of the route and a deliberate trap to catch out unsuspecting drivers on their test . What you notice is the state of the roads ; poorly marked and signed , speed limits displayed on small white signs in poor visible locations , walk crossings painted in different colours and configurations in every town . Here in Torrance the crossings are just faded lines , another trap awaiting test day . It’s actually harder to obey the rules than to just use common sense and flow with traffic . I even came across the 1st 3 way green traffic light . He wants me to turn left on the green light ; I wait for the oncoming car to advance , he doesn’t . “Troy , what are you waiting for , he is waiting for his own green light facing him . This is a 3 way traffic light .” Crazy …. I can’t describe it any better , apparently there was a sign saying 3 way light . It’s something I’ve never seen before ……. anywhere ! ” That is fuckn stupid Mario . Why can’t we have normal lights with arrows for Christ’s sake ! No wonder there’s so many accidents over here ” He just nods his head and smiles , ” Get ready Troy they’l more than likely take you through here .” The test doesn’t require you to reverse park , or drive on the freeway ( so many here ) because there was too many accidents and fails . Mario takes me through some ridiculous hand singles if the indicator doesn’t work . We reverse the car back in a straight line , you have to look back through the seats , I didn’t and was told I’d lose points for that . Also I’m too close to the gutter and should be 18 inches off ( half a fucking meter , so I can get side swiped ! ) , if you touch the gutter it’s an automatic fail . Yeah I know a really important mistake …..? Finally we leave to head home . I realise I’ve got the handbrake on when I start to move , so quickly step it off …. “Troy that is an automatic fail too “. I look over at Mario and say ” Of course it is , because its a really major sign that you’re a danger to the roads .” He shakes his head and bursts out laughing . This Friday I take the test at 1145 am. I should pass , but this test isn’t based on total common sense . I’m confident on the roads over here , and that’s saying something but the test …… not so .

I’m sitting down at our local park watching from a far . I don’t want to get too close as I want Tex to concentrate . He doesn’t need distractions. He’s trialling a new motorised skateboard while being filmed . Texs good friends dad is doing the filming . The footage will he used to promote their product .John is a well known cinema photographer who has a large portfolio in sport and particularly surf photography . You can check out his stuff on the YouTube Chanel on Jamie O’Brien . We are fortunate to be in a position to be exposed to these type of opportunities. Just last weekend the 1st release of a new movie called ‘The age of summer ‘ was shown at our local community centre . This is a movie on kids growing up in Hermosa and the SouthBay .Its weird to see movies showing the places we regularly frequent, it’s even weirder to think that this docile wealthy little area is the home of American punk music .There are a lot of talented and connected people who live in our locale . We are not getting carried away with this situation as we know this opportunity has eventuated through who we know . Still , this is a great learning curve for Tex as he has to respond to commands whilst trying a new product yet to be released , and he’l get paid $200 at the end of it ! John has already contacted us recently to get a small video of Leroy talking into the screen for a role in a national commercial . Leroy didn’t get the part and I couldn’t care less but it still shows you that opportunities come easier if you know people . Here’s Tex in action , whilst being filmed . The kids who live here ………. opportunities await .

11 Weeks of school holidays over .2 days down we’ve got our school expectations spelled out for grade 2 , Approximately 1 hour per night including 20 mins of reading . That’s what I was doing in year 11 but I guess that explains why I ended up as a caulker , Yep ,when I hear homework and picture the 11 week summer break I get very sceptical , but this is the SouthBay and the high expectations that accompany life here . The summer heat has noticeably backed off in the last 7 days . The weather is back in the mid to high 20s . Theres even been 2 cloudy days in a row for the 1st time since May . There’s nothing like a steely grey day to dampen the spirits . Add that with the back to work vibe and it’s almost depressing ……. for some . I get Leroy at the end of his 1st 3 school days of the new year and head to Target to get some fly spray as the flies are a fucken nuisance this year . Didn’t see them last year . I decide to grab some Elysian space dust ( beer brand ) on the way out . I’m wary , last time it was difficult getting the grog through , as the attendant had to get her boss in to verify I was old enough to purchase liquor . True . This time it was worse . “No sir , we can’t serve you without an American drivers license or a passport “. I was waiting for this , up for the fight , but I burst out laughing . “Do we really have to do this ?” “Yes sir , it’s procedure , I’m sorry you’ve got to prove that you are an American resident and your L2 card ( I’m legally allowed to work in the US for 3 years ) is not enough .” “I thought I was at Target ,not customs and what does residency have to do with the legal age to purchase liquor ?” ” I can’t answer that sir , but do you have a Canadian accent sir ” I look at the middle age Asian cashier with a smile . ” No , it’s Tasmanian , an it’s legal to buy alcohol at any age there . Hence that’s why many people are born with two heads from down there . ” She looks at me with a worried look . ” Don’t worry , it’s ok , I’m one of the lucky ones , it is part of Australia though” , I reply . The cashier looks over at her other cashier mate and says ,”That guys from Australia . “. I yell back ” Yeah and I’ve got no beer “. They look at each other and are excited . Leroy looks at me and asks , “do Tasmanians really have two heads ? I might tell my class that at show and tell on Monday .”

Knock knock . That can mean only one thing : Marcus . Everyday , sometimes on multiple occasions he’l be at our door . “Hey , Troy and Emma , do you want to go down to Hermosa Fiesta with me and party while we watch the bands . ” I look over at Emma with a smirk . As if ! “Nah , mate we’ve got Tex throwing up , so we are gonna take it easy . “. He comes in close to me and whispers ; ” that’s perfect , leave them here and come out with myself and a few of my friends .” He gestures to me to come out onto the road . ” Come on , what’s the matter with you Troy ? I’ve got shrooms and edibles to take before we go .” ” Mate , you got what ? Did you say we can go and have steak and mushrooms ? ” , I always like to bait him . I mean for Christ’s sake he wants me to go down to our local town festival high on magic mushrooms and weed during the middle of the fucking day , where I’m very likely to run into school parents . Did I tell you I was nearly 50 and he 70 ! ” Nooooo ! Troy , I’m talking about mushrooms that get you off your face , it’ll be awesome .” ” Nah mate , I like my mushrooms on top of a pepper sauce with a chunk of Angus underneath it .” ” You don’t get it Troy ! These mushrooms will have you buzzing , you’ll be practically flying down there . They’re not what you buy at the supermarket. “. I start laughing …… ” I’m fucking joking Marcus , but no I don’t need to go down to town and start hallucinating that I’m Charlie in the chocolate factory or to be talking to people I know while I think their dog is a fucking Lion or tiger , especially in the middle of the day . Nah mate i’l leave that to you , i’l even drive you there if you like ?” Emma is not impressed .She says I’m just facilitating his needs , but I just want him out of our hair . I drive him to his friends house …… they’re 25 years old . On the way he tells me how he met his Australian wife . Says he met her in a cult , eventually worked his way up and become an influencer in the Florida region . He shook money out of the members family’s . Says he was known as el tiburon , aka ‘the shark ‘ . His boss was in regular contact with a bloke named Tom Cruise , one of the clubs main financiers and influencers . I started laughing and called Bullshit ! He gets angry with me and tells me it’s true and thats how he met and married his 2nd wife , an Aussie . “Troy , what’s the point in me making this shit up ? It’s fucking true , they nearly ruined my fucking life ! You can’t make this shit up !” “Fuck ,you sure you haven’t had a kilo of those mushrooms on toast this morning ? ” , I bait him ” Noooo , Troy !” ” I’m only joking Marcus ,

now get out of my car and i’l see you tomorrow, ” I’m hoping it’s a week .It’s a quiet day , later,I hear him talking loudly . He’s with two young guys , they are calling him grandpa . They fly off in a new black Mercedes sports car . Good , I can relax on the deck and have a beer in peace . At 10 pm it’s quiet , I hear a car pull up and stumbled footsteps . He’s shuffling towards our front door . Fuck me dead he’s here again . ” What’s up ” I say . “Those guys left me at a restaurant with the bill . I couldn’t pay it so I’ve gotta go back plus I’ve lost my keys and I need your help to get me in the house as Teddy ( his dog ) is locked inside. “. ” Hmmmmm , I’m guessing the mushrooms were good? Not talking about at the restaurant either . “. “Are you still picking on me .Oh , please Troy what am I to do ? “. I look back at Emma , she’s shaking her head with her lip curled up . I’ve had 4 beers at 6and half percent . I go over and straddle the next door neighbors balcony and pop off the fly screen with a screw driver . It’s a 4 meter drop , I stretch over the l. 5 meter gap and climb in . It’s only later that I think of how things could’ve gone wrong . Not to mention that any chance of tapping Emma on the shoulder had vanished . Fuck Next day he tells me I missed out ,but the young guys fucked him over and that they’d had a heap of ‘blow’ ” But Troy , next time i’l let you know when I get some more mushrooms and we’l have a great time on them . “. ” Marcus , I only like button mushrooms , they taste good with a hint of garlic and butter “. “Nooo Troy ” I cut him off “Never mind “

The first pulse of rideable swell pushed through from the north west . It was too small for most areas but Elporto with its exposed outlook had potential. I hit it , with 5000 others . This is a sight to behold , 2 and half miles long from Manhatten pier to the Chevron break wall , teeming with board riders . A Friday morning will do that , add summer and a long barren spell and this is a movie scene . Barely a 3 meter space between each rider . I went out , just wish I had a GoPro or had taken my phone down to take a photo . It’s like this on the Goldcoast but at least the waves are good , Friday they were barely rideable . Hey we live in LA , how many people live here ? The scene was bizarre enough but to spice it up we had professional surf photographers and guys slicing through the traffic . And then it happened …… a guy took off on a 1 and half footer just 20 m from shore , followed by a 4 foot shadow that charged underneath unsuspecting guys climbing over the top of the wave . This thing closed rapidly and then hooked straight under the the guy as he snapped off the lip . Did I just see that , I looked over at the other 3 guys waiting to walk back out . We were in 3 feet of water . One guy looked at me and said ” I’m not sure that was a dolphin ” ” Im not either mate ” , I replied . We shrugged our shoulders and went back out , we all did . What are the odds , 5000 guys surely it’s not my turn . Paranoia set in 10 minutes later when I sliced my foot scrambling to get out of a guys way . I did everything in my power to jam my board outta the way , grasping the tail with my feet to push it down under the water as a guy trimmed within inches of my back end . In the process I sliced my foot on the fin , I could feel the flap of skin opening and closing in the current . I called it quits , beaten up emotionally with only 1 decent wave .There are days here that can get you rattled , generally surfers aren’t as aggressive here , but the shock of the sheer numbers in the water leaves you shaking your head . I got home and later that night watched a documentary on dolphins from California . I think this was a juvenile dolphin that got excited and joined the masses . Even the dolphins in LA love a crowd …… me. , I still can’t get used to it .

• 16 and a half months in the US now , feels longer . I was driving up Highland Avenue ( we once drove up this road on our way back to the airport on a once in a lifetime Holliday in the US , thinking we will never be here again ) one arm out the window , cruising in complete comfort . No anxiety about driving or getting lost . I guess it’s a sign that I’m getting used to things . It also gives you time to relax and draw in the scenery . You’ve seen those travel shows when they’re cruising along the Californian coast , palm trees , Lamborghinis , skateboarders, surfers , sunglasses and concrete . This is where it gets weird . You imagine friends in the car as you drive them through ‘your territory ‘ . You’re the tour guide , the worldly one who lives another life . Driving in traffic , on the other side of the road , complaining about drivers , just for the sake of it . You head down to the beach to show them where you go . To them it’s like a scene from Baywatch , with the blue life guard tower and the lifeguards dressed in red shorts and bathers , sunglasses on in almost permanent state of pose .There are times when little slashes of memory from tv shows in your past pop into your daydreams . I’ve seen this joint , that street, that person . I know it but I can’t place it . The little things like tipping are now something I’ve got a handle on . Only until recently I still got into a state of flux on knowing when and how much to tip . It’s even effected me in reverse as I now look for a tip after each person I massage in the schools spa . $20 is a bloody good tip for an hour . I have received this a couple of times . It’s never been a fear but mixing with Afro -American and Hispanic people is the norm . It’s something we just don’t get exposed to back in Australia . On Monday I headed inland to get a better deal on a set of tyres . I new if I headed East into the less desired areas things would be cheaper , and they were . All Mexican , little English spoken but fuck it , I think I got a good deal . I’ve been to an AIDS benefit to massage predominately gay men . I enjoyed it , it’s another situation I never thought I’d be in . We went to a women’s expo in LongBeach . A predominately black massage team and clientele. I wanted to video it .All the therapists and volunteers linked up in a circle and held hands . The lead organiser got down on one knee and sited a special prayer of goodwill for our group . I thought it hilarious , not in disrespect but more that I’d ever have envisaged myself in this situation . Big black dudes with gold chains , a whole community of mixed races selling their wears , a woman providing a sermon to thousands of other women , whilst they clapped, swaying their hips and cheering . Shit am I really here doing this ? Yep it’s weird , just reminiscing as I sit in reception waiting for Betty Doyle from LongBeach to come and get a massage . …. ….. No caulking here , who’d of thoughtSee that dude in black , he’s NBA basketballer Barban Marjanovic At 7 foot 3. Only earns 9.5 million a year . Just another neighbour . Am I really here ?

I’m starting to run outta stories to tell , well not so much run out but more stuck on the same old themes . I’m sitting out on the back deck , feet up , shorts only and a beer in my hand . Yep aptly named , ‘Gimme mo ‘. Still 2 weeks to go before school starts . The kids and I are in the water everyday , a pity the surf is too small . The humidity has backed off and the temperatures have come back into the mid to high 20s , perfect . Old mate still badgers us relentlessly , hence I’m out the back ,out of sight . The location , the isolation ( sounds crazy , when you think that we live in a rat race like LA ) sometimes you forget how close you sit to a much different way of life . You can take it for granted . You head to the beach , have a dip and then walk back home in 5 minutes . Families flock to the beaches here , often Hispanic . It’s an outing for them , a treat and a location that most would normally only see in a work environment , often as gardeners , builders , cleaners and nannies . Hermosa Beach is a very entitled location , we are in the bubble . Only yesterday I got a reminder that this isn’t the real LA . I took Leroy to a birthday party in Elsugundo . It was at the party I got talking to a fascinating guy named Mat . I probably can’t divulge all the particulars but let’s just say that Mat has a senior position in a school out in Hawthorn . Yes Hawthorn , a very different Hawthorn from the one in Melbourne . We got talking about a whole lot of stuff . I like to hang on to the idea that I was brought up in a housing commission estate ( ‘projects over here ‘ ) and that things were tough . Occasionally they were but in reality Tanti Park was a very close knit community with a whole tribe of kids that lived a pretty free and easy existence . We didn’t have any money but we played sport all day , stretched the boundaries and there was always friends at every corner . We thought we were in the hood and some thrived on the notoriety . Yes a few went off the rails but most kids have got out and have found a good way of life . You can do that in Australia . The school Mat works in sees kids that really do come from the hood . He laughs when he tells me that the police won’t come to the school only unless a weapon , ammunition or a blade is actually pulled to threaten . He told me of a kid he warned on his life’s course . At 13 he was set in his idea of becoming a gangsta . He was starting his own block gang . One day he was out the back of his house working out … he was murdered. Shot and killed because” you ain’t starting up a new territory of your own “. Dead at 13 . Mat raises his eyes with a knowing smile , ” kids have got no idea how easy it is for them here .Life’s cheap out there ” . He says many kids get murdered out there . He told me how he had to drive home while the LA riots were on , people trying to open the doors of his car as he sliced through back streets to get home . The freeways were shut down he tells me , a crazy scary hour of his life . It’s a polarising city , LA . A brilliant , dominant country but still it’s flaws are shockingly bad . I ‘l take Tanti Park any day over Hawthorn , Compton or as Mat tells me , ” Vermont Knolls it’s the baddest place in all of LA . ” Fuck , it must be real bad , a 29 minute drive according to google maps . Shit , i’l make sure I’l never break down in Vermont Knolls .

The last month off before the poor kids go back to school . It’s been a hot humid month , 2nd year running . It’s pretty much the only time it has been humid since we’ve been here , both months of August . Hermosa Beach and the other South Bay Cities host a number of events throughout August . It’s as if they know that the long grind through August can send the natives stir crazy . We started off at the end of July with Hermosa’s turn to host the AVP volleyball , show casing Americas best beach volleyballers. It’s a major event that repeats later in August at Manhattan Beach . We are fortunate to live within a k of both events . It’s a buzz to get to such events and see some serious athletes , grabbing bags of healthy food and drink freebies , whilst sucking in the vibe . We then just ride home and relax , readying ourselves for the afternoon entertainment. We had the National picture in the Park day . The second Tuesday of August saw Hermosa put on an outdoor movie for families in the park just 200 m from our house. This event would be replicated right throughout America on the same night . With added freebies like ice cream , popcorn and a heap of emergency vehicles for the kids to check out , the kids will be well entertained . Us adults could then sit back and drop a glass or 3 of wine and talk about whatever without having to watch the kids or the movie . Every Sunday in the month of August we get an open air beach concert with quality bands , turning the beach into a family and muso’s festival . Just add a few thousand bodies and some discreet imbibing of alcohol and you have a chilled out way to end the week . That’s the beauty of police and security here ; they’re happy to turn a blind eye to things in order to keep the peace . It’d be a rare day that you could bring your own grog at an open air event back home .It’s the perfect place to catch up to school parents , listening to tunes while the kids play in the shorebreakers in front of the life guards . Yep , it’s a long slow month but every weekend there’s something to see ; from music , volleyball , the famous pier to pier swim , beach lifesaving comps at night and of course the eerie fiery red sunsets . This is the best time to visit our spot . I can assure you, you will be entertained .

I’m writing this now knowing that my beautiful wife Emma is also going to find out about this morning . If only I could unfriend her and re friend her later so she wouldn’t find out . Once again as soon as we open the door in the morning old mate pays us a visit . It’s quiet , the kids are asleep , I’m sitting on the couch looking at Facebook and all is serene. Little Teddy( Marcus’s dog ) is the warning that old mate is about to thump his way up the stairs and barge in . Sure enough he’s in the house , asking questions and giving advice with his booming voice before we can even look up .Emma comes in to quieter him as the kids are asleep . It’s become clear that the world revolves around Marcus . I show him Aussie rules on my phone . He reckons it looks easy and a game that he could comfortably play . I laugh and say sure , just wish you were playing when I was . “What do you mean by that Troy ? “. “Oh nothing , ( would’ve cleaned him up . He’d need his whole body replaced , not just his knee ) , just saying , that’s all .” “What coffee you drinking “, he asks . “Better than the shit you guys drink , it’s Nescafé .” ” Ive got something better.” he says . He comes back with a small coffee bag of Starbucks . ” You’re joking , I hate their shit coffee “. ” No it’s really good , give it a try “, he says .While the kettle boils he’d brought his girlfriends dog in to play with Teddy . I needle him constantly about the bad coffee here . He replies that he lived in Aus in the 80s and coffee was horrible then . ” Not anymore buddy “, I reply ……….. And that’s when I hear it . “Oh know , it’s shit ! “. “Our coffee? ” , I reply . “No ! On your floor . The stupid little bitch isn’t as smart as Teddy and she’s shit on your floor ” Holy fuck , the dog has taken a dump on the lounge room floor . He grabs tissues and clumsily picks it up and races to flush it down the toilet . Leroy has just woken up and is standing there frozen . He’s wondering if it’s a bad dream but the pungent stench of dog dung has soon brought tears to the eyes . Marcus leaves . I’m using disinfectant wipes to clean the floorboards whilst dry retching . Fuck , this surely can’t continue like this . I take a drink of the Starbucks and I’m sure it’s got some of the shit off the floor in it . It goes straight down the drain .A couple of hours later I’m about to leave for the spa for a quick hit and run mission when I hear him calling my name . “Troy ! Are you going somewhere ? You wouldn’t believe it but I left my keys in the car with the ignition turned on over night . Can you please give me a jump start before you go “. I can believe it ………..but I hope Emma doesn’t