Tick that box .$250 for a family of 4 to seat on the 2nd tier out beyond 3rd base . It started well with a pre game activity centre with DJ and a host of kids pitch and hitting games .Give always , face painting all to a festive vibe of Latino music and a crowd pumped on Mexico beating Germany earlier in the day . It’s the promised land for a vast number of Angelenos . This is the place every kid who lives out in the suburbs aspires to get to . It feels like I’m watching a Mexican team . They love there baseball . A dodger dog , garlic fries and pretzel has ticked off the cliche to do list . A spiced Mexican beer concoction was bought for us by a guy sitting next to us . Check this Bloody Mary light beer thing . The ceremonial starting pitch and National Anthem , followed by a host of jingles and introductions and it’s game time . That’s where the yawning begins . This a tv sport , sure the Dodgers were well beaten which kept the crowd quiet , but this game is borderline painful to watch . What few hits do occur you could easily miss whilst watching Mexican waves and general people watching . Basketball and baseball we love watching it on tv , especially Dodger games .Live ? I’m not so sure . Basketball is more entertaining . Baseball , they try hard to keep the crowd entertained. I think that says enough about their game . We had a good day for Father’s Day , and I’m glad we finally did it . Now a NFL game and the holy trinity is complete. Dodger Stadium ….. been there .

Innocent enough isn’t she ? I’ve had an eye on this joint . I knew I’d be in there at some stage . The North End Bar . A corner bar opposite the beach , a mile north of downtown Hermosa Beach . Of course when we moved into 28th street , just 200m up the hill , it was only gonna be a matter of time . Then came along Ant , and carnage ensued. No really , we had a big night . 1st of all , I gotta say thank you to Ant . A guy I met at group fitness sessions at ‘Believe ‘ , ran by Megan Deutsher , back in Mornington .We had only met fleetingly , but straight away you know a good bloke . To come out of his way to stay in our home town in LA , gifting me a dozen of the finest ,going out to eat lunch and dinner with our family and always wanting to pay the bill says plenty . Last night we had a couple of beers at home and then headed to NorthEnd Bar . This is your classic, local American bar . It’s also quite famous , known for being booked out for LA kings Ice Hockey party’s and just for being a lone standing bar in a residential area . Sure enough Ant and I slowly worked away in to a seated position at the bar . The joint was packed , sports on tvs , raucous, loud and bar staff who know how to keep you happy . The Bar tender had actually lived in Hawthorn for 2 and a half years . All night he had us topped up with extra concoctions of root beer and vodka on the house( yeah I know , horrible but we kept on drinking them ) . He’d always float past and yell “Plugger . Dunstall , Yaaaaablett ,Go Hawkers !Old blokes , young blokes , women .. yeah we talked to them , even shared an edible with the barman . Messed up .Sure enough at 2am we were kicked out the door . A 2 minute stagger saw me home , just in time to wake everybody up as I watched the last 5 minutes of my beloved Saints finally get a win . As for Ant , let’s just say the fun continued , lucky fucker . But when you’re a good bloke and pick up the bill you deserve to finish the night on a high . Ant , have a safe trip home and i’l see you in 2 weeks , back in Aus . We’l enjoy telling the boys about this one .The NorthEnd , i’l be back .The funny thing is ; the two big nights I’ve had out have been with Aussies, just saying…., no coincidence ?

I’m getting sore , a bit of fluid is building . Hmmmm , not the place I thought I’d be to be broaching this problem . Still , I know it’s not as bad as it could be . Just ask my neighbour? I took old mate to hospital to get his knee replaced . I actually felt sorry for him . Marcus is forthright, loud and almost demonstrative .He ‘s also manic , confident and endearing. I had to witness his will , as he changed details . He was nervous , worried . I could tell he had considered the possibility of dying on the operating table . A knee replacement at 67 is a big operation .It didn’t stop old mate sucking on the green timber at 7 o’clock in the morning as I drove in . “Fuck Marcus , don’t fuck this up . You’re meant to be going under with anaesthetic.” It didn’t perturb him . On leaving the facility , Marcus is super nervous and paranoid . The poor fucker thinks he might die . I’ve got his best friend in the world , his dog Teddy with me as I leave . Shit , there’s been a few times I thought it would be good he might die , but now I’d be stuck with all his mess . I’ve known him for 5 weeks , this time I hope he doesn’t die … The nurses tell me that they will ring around midday and I should be ready to pick him up by 1pm . A whole knee replaced and you’re out in 5 hours ! 2 , 3 , 4 in the afternoon …, still no call hmmmm … maybe something’s gone down . Eventually I get a call from the hospital that Marcus will be ready at 7 pm . How did I get to be his primary carer ? I even had to sign him in ! I get the poor fucker into the car with knee strapped to ice pack . First assignment is to go to the 24 hour chemist to get his drugs . I can’t believe that you have to do this after major surgery . Marcus orders me to double park facing the wrong way in the loading bay . I can’t do it , and park in the normal section . The poor fucker then has to walk in with his frame 3 hours after major surgery, in a shitload of pain and then queue up for his prescription. We get in there and it’s packed . 10 people in the line and at least 30 people seated waiting for their prescriptions to be processed . This is a timely reminder of the American system. Marcus hobbles in and pushes straight to the front of the queue and barks out demands to see the manager . All the while swearing out loud that it’s fucken bullshit that he has to go through this . I agree , remember he is insured and this is private , not public . With belligerence he bullies the staff into getting his pain killers . This time I’m quietly happy that he has the personality to pull it off . On the way back he gets take away Carls Jnr and then it’s time for the 2nd lot of prescription pain killers , the Dispensary. He has me weaving through traffic until he finds a good weed clinic in a black dominated area . He tells me it will be cheaper . We head in to a little white room and sign in through a mesh guarded window . These joints are constantly held up at gun point , security is tight . Once they trust us we are lead into the back ‘buying room ‘ . I must say I’ve always wanted to see this . With my heavy Aussie accent and Marcus’s forthright manner at 67 years old, and the fact that he is high on medication ,it soon becomes a comedy act . We’ve got these two young girls in the palm of our hand , and the young couple that also enter are also laughing at us . Buds of all types are on display .Sativa and indigo are the two families . Marcus wants indigo as this gives a body stone . Eventually he buys two grams , a bag of potato chips that are infused with 50 milligrams of thc , a bag of sour worms , and a pop rock ( some condensed highly potent rock of hash and bud enhanced with high dose thc ) . He couldn’t get the fruit loops cereal as they didn’t stock it . Yes , dope infused cereal !! This all cost $60 . By 9pm I’ve got him home and up the stairs , he’s medicated …. for now . My knee , fuck it . It won’t be getting fixed over here anytime soon .

Tuesday is a free day , no commitments outside of school drop off .When you look down the road and see this , you soon get the feeling it’s gonna be a real good day . My buddy across the road had been bugging me about coming down to watch me surf . I had been constantly sneaking past him , but I relented and texted him to say I will be straight out the front . I then bolted , as I didn’t want to have to wait and talk all the way down there . I could just see old mate telling any passer by that he was going down to watch his Aussie friend surf . After 2 hours and 20+ waves to myself I head back . Beautiful , no old mate to bother me and totally content . I change out on our back balcony ,and then sneak back to the front lockbox to retrieve the key . Then it hits me …… There’s no key , Tex hasn’t put the key back after getting home from school the day before .I’m in a pair of running shorts , no jocks or shirt and no way in . Car keys , wallet and phone locked inside the house . I’m fucked . I pace up and down the side of the house to see if there is any way in . The house is locked up solid , you have to over here . The anger builds and I picture myself strangling Tex , taking away his many Hermosa privileges , but it all amounts to nothing . I’m marooned . I look out the back and find an old pair of rubber reef shoes and a quicksilver rash vest . I contemplate the 12 k walk to Emma’s work , but then I realise the very real possibility of being waved away by security as some homeless or disturbed vagrant . I look over to old mates house . Please can there be no other way ?After 10 minutes of thinking of every angle I head over there. 15 minutes later the adventure begins ,dressed in a pair of Marcus’s sunglasses, green golf shirt and old mans sandals, we are on the road to get the spare key from Emma’s work .. Did I say I was soft ?And stupid? Ok , you’ve heard this before but here goes….. Old mate soon has us flying down the major road , changing lanes , cutting people off and ignoring red light arrows all the while puffing away on his dope pipe . I’m forced to do the rounds with Marcus as he has things to do . First of all the walk of shame into Emma’s very trendy work place , with ensuring laughs and smiles . Then we head to a fast food outlet to share a plate of Salad and fries . Swapping spit over lunch isn’t my strong suit . Now we are headed into Hawthorn to El Super , a low cost almost exclusive Mexican supermarket . I do enjoy this , we are on the edge of the hood and it is a buzz to check these places out . This place is seriously cheap . It doesn’t take long for Marcus to start asking questions of the little old Mexican fruiterers . Wanting the best produce in his domineering tone . Well endowed Mexican housewives are the next target , as old mate speaks in Spanish , nodding , smiling and winking . He closes in on me and says he reckons he can take this one and that one home and bang them if he wanted to . Remember he is 67 . I can’t help but laugh . He then points to his shirt that I’m wearing and bursts out laughing . The piece of orange I had just tried had splurged down the middle of my chest . Fuck is this really going this way ?It is entertaining . It’s cringeworthy ,but I see his bravado and his charisma will definitely find suitors . Nockbacks don’t perturb ‘old mate ‘. It’s been 2 hours and next stop is the smoke shop . He pulls out 2 guitars for his buddy to restring for him . One used to belong to Jon Bonjovi and was used in a film clip I’m told .The guy in the smoke shop looks at it and nods . He is impressed and says it’s top quality . All the while customers enter the shop ; Marcus stopping to sell them smoking paraphernalia , jumping the counter to show them stock . Remember we are only customers as well . It’s half an hour before school pickup and I’m starting to fidget , but wait it isn’t over . We head over to a cool restaurant/wine bar dressed as the odd couple . Oh geezus I’m looking a fucking shambles ;stained top , no dodorant , running shorts and sandals . Fuck me dead ,I will never be seen in here again . The place is filled with beautiful people drinking wine in white shirts , chinos and boat shoes . Marcus introduces me to all the staff . I keep my hands firmly folded over my chest . He stops especially longer to talk to the girls and a busty older one . He gives me a look , nodding his head and smiling . Shit this would be hilarious if it was someone else ,but it’s me again . Eventually I get home and race up to school to get Leroy , still dressed in Marcus’s clothes , sandals swapped for bare feet . Of course I can’t get away without being stopped , all the while keeping my arms firmly pressed across the front of my shirt . Did I say the day couldn’t of started better ? Marcus now has currency on me and my reward is that tomorrow i’l be driving him to hospital at 630 am for knee surgery. An hour in peak hour traffic . You beaudy . Ps revenge is sweet . Tex has called me multiple times , texting me to say he can’t get in the house . Fuck it , Leroy and I will stay at the park a little longer .

California is a big dog with a big appetite . It has to be when you consider it has the 5th biggest economy in the world . ‘Generation next ‘is also a massive industry in the States . College is big business and the pressure to get there is extreme . I Was talking to one of the mums about her daughter who has just finished year 9 . Yesterday she had 10 hours of dance rehearsal for a big performance today . Leading into the big day she has been practicing 6 days a week !She is also starting to pick subjects for year 10 which will line up her chances for the colleges she can get into . Already , at only year 10! Her mums tells me she will also complete her 2nd year of summer school . 6 weeks of intense 5 to 6 hour days with 3 hours of homework on top . In 6 weeks she will attempt to do a whole years curriculum in a couple of subjects . This is done so she can have less subjects throughout the year and then can concentrate on maths and sciences . The race is on early here . The reason for the push to get ahead is multi faceted. Population is the main one . To get an offer in California and close to home is extremely tough . That’s the thing about the US . The kids are prepared to move anywhere in the country to get a college education , at only 18 . Californian kids are sought after . Colleges in other states are keen to pursue kids here . They know there is so many talented kids fighting to get on top . They will get offers but at higher tuition fees . Outer state colleges know that these kids and their families will pay extra for a degree . On top of that , Californian kids are well known for being well educated . Also Californian kids are excellent sportsman . Scholarships and partial scholarships are targeted towards kids here . Talented kids will be tracked the moment they hit year 9 . There is a toughness , or should I say ruthlessness about the system here . Kids are tested , measured , pressured and toughened up early . Australian kids have got it so good .

We are at the baseball end of season party , in the home of our coach . It’s a beautiful abode and a prime location . This is established Hermosa Beach . Emma and I suffer the ‘not being late’ affliction , so it’s with great restraint we decide to walk with the intention of arriving at 345 , knowing that the invite states a 330 start .As I I’ve said in the past : it is unCalifornian to be on time . I’ve declared that I will drink full strength beer , no exception . The esky (cooler , over here ) is stocked with 6 IPA Wolf Pups , 6 coronitas ( small coronas ) and a lovely bottle of Californian Sav Blanc .As we near the coaches house ,it’s apparent there are no cars here yet .I fucking knew it , we are practically the first here. After 25 minutes I’ve drained a coronita and am half way through the 2nd while coach and friend start with a lemonade . Am I reading this wrong ? It is a Saturday afternoon party , does no one ever loosen up here . This is the pattern that tends to permeate through this exclusive little town . Hold tight , don’t reveal yourself and don’t dare let your guard down . I need numbers as I have little to talk about . Finance , the Stockmarket ,who’s selling what , and what business conference you’re attending this week ,excludes me from the inner circle . After 45 minutes there is only 3 of 12 families and I’ve put the breaks on , it’s too easy to drink when your on the outside .I better not crack open a pup , I might be looked at as being an alcoholic , I have heard the whispers about a mum in the group who brings a bottle of wine to the games . She does share it and I like that it breaks the ice , but the smirks and sideways looks still hover in the background.After a while it loosens up as people arrive , but restraint and light beer is the state of play . .It’s a similar setting to the Australia Day party earlier this year , but with a totally different team …… and result . Hey , we’ know how to let our hair down . A couple of hours later and the crowd has thinned out as everyone moves on after a light beer or two . 7 pm and we are back home .This is seriously starting to shit me . But wait …. we’ve been invited to catch up with two families from the party , and the host is non other than the mum who brings the wine .. Amen. We head to Megan’s house and get stuck into it . Swearing , drinking , talking , drinking , staying up late , drinking , eating pizza and drinking . Thank you to Megan , Ben , John and Jeannie. That was interesting and for us … it was a normal thing to do . Having a good time with friends is important .

I walk through to the counter with Emma in Trader Joes ( fresh food style , cheap supermarket). “Excuse me sir you’ve got 4 full strength and 2 light bottles in this 6 pack “. “Geez , have I? We can’t have that “, I say . The guy laughs and says he’l run back and find 2 more full strength. He comes back and let’s me know they are out of stock and am welcome to take a full 6 pack of light if I want . I laugh and say notta chance . “This must be an Osssie thing . I’m moving to Melbourne to stay with my cousin and they do not drink light beer ” ( he’s staying in dirty old Laverton for 6 months . We met this guy in beautiful Santa Barbara, just about the only place in LA that could blow a candle on Melbourne) . “Nah mate , we don’t waste our money on shit beer that’s no gonna get us drunk “. He and the grocery packer both step back a bit and laugh awkwardly . Back to Hermosa and it’s a trend I’ve uncovered here too . The men love drinking light beer and by the case load . Bud light, corona light and occasionally Modello light . We go to baseball and the mums are drinking wine , Baileys and mules and the men are drinking soft cock style light beer . Disgraceful! I’l take a wine over light beer any day of the week , including if I have to drive . I’m invited to the beach with some pretty cool dads . Ok I didn’t expect to be drinking but the dads had been into it for hours and must’ve knocked back 6to 8 light beers by the time I started . I can’t stomach the shit , and sure enough after downing 2 in 20 minutes ( yes we drink faster too , I think) I’m needing to walk into the freezing shore breakers to find relief . I’m practically pissing like a race horse whilst grinding my tongue into the roof of my mouth , quenching a meatier , gripping taste of real hops . I give a couple of my wolf pups out and the guys let out a “whoaaa… this is nice ” . They hadn’t even drank or heard of it , and it’s there own locally brewed drop . It just ain’t cricket. Finally , all the families from Leroy s baseball team are invited to a pool party to the coaches house ( gotta be doing well to have a pool here ). Everyone is declaring what they’l bring , and still I’m reading Bud Light …No!! It’s time for a change . I’l be bringing the real stuff …. just gotta choose one Yep , just found a new craft beer joint , and only 300 m from home . Brace yourself … ‘Friday guess what’s ?’have got a long way to go yet .

It’s come to this : sneaking in and out , closing the door quietly , keeping out of sight ,but it’s not enough . I have to park in the street as we have one garage and my car is too big . It means you can clearly see me come and go . It shouldn’t mean anything but my arrival is usually met with a phone call or message ;or even worse , a knock on the door . I walked down the street this morning , locking the house with keys still inside . We have a lockbox out front with a spare key . It’s the only place we could find a location to clip the box onto . It wasn’t until on my way back that I realised my mistake . I scold myself for being naive . “You must bring your keys with you at all times , you dick!” It means I can enter from the back alley .As I walk up the street I see his car . Fuck it ! He’l see me come to the front door . His unit sits up high over the street . He’s like the sentinel , scoping out anything he can pester , and it’s the Howards of Hollywood that he is fixated on . I get inside and stay low , all good . I make myself a wrap , and that’s when I sense it in my gut . I get nervous , I can feel his eyes , his will peering through the walls . I don’t dare get up , as he might see me through the window . Eventually I get up and take the horses for a drink and sneak back into the kitchen , trying to hide behind benchtops and cabinetry as he has a clear view from his kitchen to ours . 20 minutes have passed and nothing . I ‘l get out why the goings good . I grab the phone and that’s when I notice a couple of messages on the screen . He’d already rang within minutes of me getting home and then had left a further 2 messages . My phone was on silent . I fucking knew it . Last night he’d knocked on the door asking for Emma’s help with his computer setup . The day before he rang several times and eventually tracked Leroy and I at Valley Park . It’s fair to say he’s fixated . Just now whilst writing this he’s texted me again , wanting to go down to the local farmers market with us . I told him I was at school . He thinks I’m at my school . Now the bell is about to go and I’m to take Leroy back home . Shit I’m going to have to talk him into taking a detour . We don’t wanna be home …. any time soon .

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and the calendar is finally empty . What do we do ? The surfs too small , but there’s other stuff we can do . I declare that a bike ride would be good , today we’l see something and there’l be a storey to tell. We are just 300 m from the famous strand , a beach path stretching from Palos Verdes to the Venice beach break wall . Emma , Leroy and myself do it .The exercise , the view , the salt air …. the people . You’l always see someone, especially approaching summer . We head north a mile passing Manhattan Beach pier We then glide past a procession of mega mansions on a slight decline down to Elporto ( La’s most consistent surf stretch) .At this stage Leroy wants to call it quits and stops but we declare that 15 minutes isn’t a proper bike ride and we’l take him to the airport to see planes taking off over the water and stop to get him pancakes . We ride on ,passing the Chevron oil refinery and finally making to within sight of Venice Beach and Santa Monica . We’ve gone close to 10 ks and now we’ve gotta cajole and milk all the encouragement into Leroy , as reckons we should get an uber back . He reckons seen the planes and the beach enough and we shouldn’t be riding back . We head back past the 1st cafe and Leroy parks his bike . We drag him back onto the bike and talk him into riding to the Elporto cafe . He’s not happy , says he’s starving and his legs are dying . Eventually we get to this famous little beach cafe on the sand at Elporto .At last we are sitting down under beach umbrellas, dazing at the surfers , beach bodies and …… celebrity ! As Leroy does his little floss dance to the music piping overhead ,a bike rider has to step aside with his coffee to pass by . He smiles and it’s then we realise it’s ..Harrison Ford ! Yep , I told you we would have a story to tell . Fuck the bike ride , we had brekkie next to Harrison Ford ! Hey , I told you the Strand always delivers . You’l always see something or someone . We told Leroy that the guy in grey behind him was Harrison Ford . He didn’t care . I told him he was Han Solo and acts alongside Chewbaccer in Star Wars .He still didn’t care .

Emma said , “let’s invite him over ,it can’t hurt “. I said .. “Fuck offff ” And she invited him over . It was all pretty cool , conversation was reasonable , he went back inside to his lady friend from the Phillipines , and it was done ……. but it wasn’t ..and isn’t . You see he’s a harmless guy and just craves attention … and that’s the crux of the matter . But wait , let’s step back . He said hello to the girl who lives above us , but she wouldn’t reply . Just last week they seemed on good terms . He then tells me he’s got a restraining order against her flat mate ( a guy ) . We don’t know why or even if it is factual . He hates his other neighbours . They tell me they found him in their laundry , so they squirted him with a hose and told him to get the fuck away . I came back from the park with Leroy through the back door ,and he came in unannounced through the front door , wanting to debate with Emma the good of marijuana and why I should consider it an alternative to alcohol ( beer) . He rings me twice a day . Our other neighbours who I just met today , tell me that he turned up to their party last week and invited himself in to play corn hole ( beanbag in the wooden platform hole thing ) . Admittedly on the front footpath . I’m getting it now ….. totally . I know I’m stupid and a little naive and I did see the warning signs , but that’s not what I’m talking about . It’s the beautiful sunsets , the afternoons on the weekend , the front balconies, the view …. No one seems to be out there soaking it in … I now know why