We joined . Actually been into the big dog a a few times now .The joints frantic , has been each time we’ve been , but I see why .Its out in peoplesville , Hawthorne. This is big , big people , big families , big sizes and big queues. The moment you close in on the joint the pulse rises . It’s a monster that more than hums, it crunches and clangs . The car park is game on , take whatever you can grab and indicate immediately . Cars circle and hover waiting for a chance to get into the promised land . Don’t worry it’s not unique to the US , but I dare say these joints are made for the Yanks . Once inside it’s all about staying calm and not getting too excited . $300 + can be spent in a blink of an eye . It’s the fuckn zoo in here . People are climbing over the top of each other to get their fill . Then there’s the free samplers ….. you can eat for free here and walk out without buying a thing . That’s what kills me ; it’s a mess around these spots . Fuck seriously , do we have to hold everything up to sample a teaspoon of rice o riso . People are jammed in with trolleys loaded . It’s an adventure , I love the bargains and the quality of the food is better than I thought . .. Costco . Yep , it’s fuckn huge here … and I’ve gotta say I’m impressed , but the crowds ? Be prepared . This is a battle ground . Costco has found its nirvana , America.

1. There’s heaps of pawn shops , 99cents shops , dollar shops , loan shops , discount stores , you name it when it comes to cheap . The further you venture inland from Hermosa Beach the more regular they become. I’ve recently needed to venture out into Lawndale and Hawthorne . It probably means nothing to anyone back home but these suburbs stretch into the real LA . Another 5 miles and you’re in Compton . It’s flat out here . Beige, concrete roads , powerlines , used car yards , corner liquor stores and plenty of cheap junk style shopping get ups . Think Dimmys Frankston in the early 90s and then wind it down from there . I park the car out the back and walk Leroy into DDS . A guy with an Australian accent with a blonde blue eyed boy is practically alien out here . I enjoy the experience, it’s a novelty . Sure everyone is either black or Hispanic but hey it’s all cool back here . We’re just checking your threads, trying to find something that isn’t small or extra extra large . I couldn’t find what I wanted but I did find a cool top that suited my styleTrue, this isn’t a dress up ,it’s real man, uber cool but just a bit big . A real shame.And yes it is in the men’s section. Out we head , through the front door , but …, bip bip bip bip bip bip bip bip goes the alarm . Shit I’ve opened the exit door at the front entry ( we entered through the back) but no one comes . It just keeps ringing while everyone keeps shopping . We walked out and still no staff appeared , not even for the two women waiting to be served at the counter . Shit , working here would be a cruise. We wandered into the next couple of joints and still the size problem continued . No size large in what I needed , either size big , huge or small .Unfortunately this beauty below won’t come back to Australia on my next visit Shattered as it was just a bit too long. Eventually we got some of the things that we wanted ,but not before waiting at the counter for two minutes until a black girl with a black beanie on decided to come out of her lunch room and serve me . She didn’t seem impressed that I’d interrupted her Facebook time . Yep , pretty cool out here …. just….. you know … happy that the car was still in the car park…… and she started up …. and we got the fuck outta there . Don’t think i’l head out there for a taco tonight . Would of for sure if one of those tops fitted , but … yeah i’l hang out back in Hermosa for now .

We won it , ohh yeah the titles ours . Oh fuck , now I’m saying ours . Make that ‘theirs’.Its not a surprise to me , but the title goes to LA for having the worlds worse traffic . Apparently, it’s official. Now , relating to this little fact is the law of averages . Of course the law of averages has some unusual variables when it comes to Emma and I . We’re from Melbourne and we drive on the opposite side of the road ,let alone operate the vehicle from the other side. In a City like this ,traffic accidents are off the scale .I’ve done my best so far to tick that box . On several occasions in the first few months I found myself looking at head on traffic , to realise last minute that I wasn’t in Melbourne anymore.Tex wouldn’t even let me drop him off near his school he was so embarrassed at one of my adventures at school drop off . I nearly took out two cars and a Pedestrian walking through a zebra crossing as I sailed up the Main Street on the wrong side of the road . This morning it was Emma who ticked the box . She rang to say she was in a car accident . Two young girls ran a red light ( happens way too much over here) and t-boned a woman next to her . Somehow Emma’s car caught the front end of the t-boned car as it spun through the intersection. That woman was cut out of her car with minor injuries . Emma was left whiplashed and shaken , but ok . Her little Beamer had its front end crunched. I laughed last night when I heard LA had actually won something . This morning I was reminded of what ?Thankfully Emma was ok and it wasn’t her fault . Getting Leroy to school was chaotic as the whole area went into gridlock .The police shut down the highway because of this accident , creating mayhem at 830 in the morning . Yep finally after a huge timeframe of nine months we’ve had our first car accident . LA is a monster and it’s her roads that hold the most fear for this little black duck . It’s always busy and you hope that the law of averages doesn’t pick your card today .

Hard to get a gauge on this one. We are in LA for a start. My early observation of this place not being sporting mad hasn’t changed.No LA teams doesn’t help , a perfect climate drags you away from the tv . There’s a transience in the population, a lot are expats and recently moved here . Superficiality is important , no tribalism here. The news and media coverage has been muted . The big topic was who would win the toss and would there been any wardrobe malfunction during Justin Timberlakes half time performance . Ahhhh , did someone say there was a game on? Ok , I’m from Melbourne and the Grandfinal week is special , maybe it is the same here for the competing cities but first time in America ? Disappointed. A Sunday afternoon does not help , and no public holliday to follow! Of course Tom Brady is openly disliked and everyone is sick of New England winning at all cost . Too much jealousy for my liking. After living here for 9 months I thought we’d be better socially connected and the thought of being at a Super Bowl party or BBQ was taken for granted . Still I’m not convinced that everyone was doing that here . Sure we definitely saw and heard some parties, but young families with a work week ahead? … Also the sport itself suffers a bad reputation with the frequent head knocks and concussions. Mums don’t want their kids playing this game .Its not that popular in the SouthBay . Kids don’t play contact sport around here , you don’t want to get hurt . I will say this ; the Irish bars were busy as the Irish are represented by Boston and New England . Hence the Boston Celtics, Notre Dame and the New England Patriots have a big Irish connection . The Super Bowl , whilst a great game would’ve been better with beer , burgers and some … ………., mates

It’s a small world . I take myself back to the late 90s and the western suburbs of Melbourne.I owned that territory . That was my lot , the last guy on , 1st guy off theory applied to me , hence I often found my way over the west gate bridge . Altona and Laverton , Koroit creek road , Fitzgerald road and the Western ringroad regularly had my name on them. It was around this time a bloke called Badger was also working in the area , for a company called Skilled Engineering . Shit , we often worked on those sites . The Holden plant , the Laverton power plant were some of the places Badger worked . Shit , I was at those joints too . Switch back to Hermosa Beach and my regular path to the beach . I trek down Sixth street , at the bottom I pass an old weatherboard share house that is rundown and unkempt.This has always stirred my curiosity . It’s not so much the state of the joint but the consistent emission of dope that hovers around it . Morning or night this joint lets out the sweet pungent aroma of green timber . Who lives in this joint ? ……… Eventually I see a few heads coming and going , rough , weathered un South Bay like . Old Hermosans that are a snap shot of an era that has been swamped by gentrification. I keep seeing this older bloke . I know there’s something going on here . He doesn’t look like the rest of the people here . You sense it , you know it , this bloke is an Aussie, has to be . The head gives it away . I walk past and nod . Next time I give it a bit of facial expression and he gives a shake of the head with half a wink . Fuck it , he’s gotta be. Next time I walk past in my wetsuit and board under the arm and say g’day. He pauses ,takes a step with an arched back and says “good mate”. I stop and nod and say i’l be back . Finally , I catch him a couple of weeks later . Badger had taken several trips here in the late 90s until in 1999 he moved he permanently . He told me he ran a hotdog stand off San Pedro ( a rough dog eat dog type of place wedged between Palos Verdes and Long Beach ), worked in a local bar for 15 years and has done regular labour work for local builders …… Why ? I don’t really know why he is here but his story has gaps . Eventually I cornered him and recorded this little video that went 3 minutes too long . placeholder://Badger tells me he is 57 years old and has quit smoking , dope included . Me thinks .., not

Today my favourite American character has his special day , Punxsutawney Phil . This little groundhog who is 132 years old and lives on a special life elixir has made his prediction: 6 more weeks of winter . On exiting his burrow the sun has unfortunately cast a shadow at Phil’s feet and he saw it , hence it’s gonna be a long winter in Gobblers Knob , Pennsylvania. This is the sort of stuff the Yanks are expert in , make believe . Or as like to call it : bullshit . It’s ok , I’ve softened my view , I find it funny . Even me who is one the staunchest of cynics can get a laugh at this type of stuff . Just like Big Foot , Sasquatches, Voodoo , curses and the extraordinary number of UFOs that happen to only be sighted here . I think it comes down to the fact there’s not enough Aussies here to Call that stuff out . We’re not gonna let you get away with making shit up and telling us it’s real . We’l cut you down like we do tall poppys ( another story) . Like the guy I met on the pier telling me there were 20 feet waves breaking here last year . I’m knodding my head , smiling with exaggeration, but I’ve softened . I m thinking bullshit mate . Do you know who your talking to ? I couldn’t crush him . On the other hand I wouldn’t let that go if he was an Aussie. I’d be calling bullshit , not aggressively but disbelieving . This is a place where people won’t offend , they’l take your word and let you run at the mouth and then go home and say they don’t think you were telling the truth . Like yesterday my instructor tried to claim he didn’t work out . Before he could say no I’d already blurted “Bullshit!” It jumped out of my mouth before I could grab it and stuff it back in .The other people looked at me in wide eyed surprise. The instructor then smiled and laughed . He understood as he knows a few Aussies . It’s the beauty of this place,you won’t be chopped at the knees for talking shit . That’s what I love about Phil ….He’s a hundred and fucking thirty two year old ground hog who controls the weather …. Don’t you love that .

The beauty of being in Australia is the price is the price , that’s unless you’re willing to pay cash and we’l negotiate the GST. Here not so . Anything you buy will have a tax added that is not advertised . You might have the exact amount in your wallet only to learn there’s a tax of around 10 percent to be added .Shit , i’l have to put it on the card . Same with dining ; tax to be added plus a tip , shit i’l need an extra $20. Same with Emma’s package: our health package (substantial)to be taken out before the net total is paid into the account . There’s also extra or hidden taxes that are paid out without explanation . Forget money paid into a super account , that’s on us too . Of course no one will volunteer this information , cause when it comes to money everyone gets shy . It’s all about the negotiation , oh ok we’l put you onto the next person and they’l help you out … not. Same with me , we’ve paid a substantial sum to start a new course only to learn once started that I’m expected to outlay more cash . Of course when told this our instructor looks surprised as to why we didn’t know this . This is not something new to us ,similar stories from other Aussies we’ve met have rung true . It’s like you’ve got to do this stupid waltz when it comes to putting down the cash . We are really doing the best for you , oh and you’l need to pay for that and after you’ve got this we are ready to go . “Hang on a minute mate , that’s not what was said up front .” “Oh, that’s what everyone else has to do .”…. and this is the way it works over here . There’s layers , a deals not a deal until you’ve finally got your product …. it’s maddening.

I hit the strand and take off , first run in a fortnight . The last itch of of a cold still ruffles up the bottom of the lungs , but I’m good to go . Just take it easy . The heads in a scramble , firing off thoughts and arguments and then counter arguments in different tangents. Second day in a row the temperature is expected to reach the high 80s( 30 degrees) . It’s so still , busy . Runners , walkers , people are out exercising in their droves and we are reaching the mid point in winter . The surf has gone flat , the ocean has become a mirror , birds are swarming the close in waters . There must be bait fish ., The super moon must have its pull , sleeping has become fractured , the kids have been on edge , it might explain the energy . I get to the half way point of my run and I realise I’ve built up a bit of a clip , the current zinging into my hamstring and then circling and throbbing has subsided . I start to agree with myself , maybe this will be good for me , maybe it will take me on a new path . It will be day 2 today , all theory , a new guys voice , we’l see. Still I’m all go , have been for so long . I still run 4.2 ks in 20 minutes, I can’t slow myself down. Even not working , I can’t sit still . Hopefully this is the 2nd day in new direction . I don’t know if I’ve made the right choice but I know I won’t be house bound . Here we go ………….

Wow what a day . I was back home with a few drinks under the belt and wanted to get on and blog straight away , but I would of never got off the phone . The after glow had me buzzing .The seed was sown the 3rd day we were here . Shopping in Target we overheard an Aussie voice , they heard us and details were exchanged. Madeline has caught up with Emma ever since and has advised her on the little things that help in transitioning to LA. Yesterday , we were lucky enough to attend their Australia Day bbq. It was definitely intimidating , we’re just the Howard’s from Mornington . There’s no big story to tell from our end , nothing exciting , no great skill set or world to conquer here , Emma excluded. Madeline and Damien moved here from Sydney 7 years ago . Damien took up a position as head of Breville in North America , we knew this wasn’t your average Aussie crew . We rocked up to their joint in Manhatten Beach and were met with a massive Australian flag and boxing Kangaroo adorned on the front of their house. Yeah it was cool , nice dig , backyard , pool . The things we don’t have here but are used to back in Aus. When you’re an ordinary construction worker who’s job is MrMum it’s these moments that really make me stiffen up . I’m on guard, gotta steer the conversation onto the people you meet and of course this is a group of Aussies that have stories. Before long there’s Eliza, Joe , Maddy, Damo, Adam, Mel, Jackie, Frank, kaz, Rachel, Doug, Aaron and a host of others who I apologise for not remembering everyone’s name . Cool dudes with paisley shirts , Aussie women with sass , kids romping in the pool , Austentatious playing in the background , fuck this is pretty cool . Weird cool , could’ve sworn I was in a backyard in Bondi or any quintessential Sydney beachside get up . We had an opera singer , entrepreneurs, a music producer who works with Goyte , self propelled Aussies taking on the big league and the Howard family from little old Mornington . I was waiting for Kirk Penghilly to rock in and then we would’ve completed the scene . Yep , it was a lotta fun , a lot of stories and an instant comradrie . We all have something in common and it’s not just that we are Aussies , we are away from home , we’ve got our issues , kids,we’ve had to start again and we all agree it’s tougher than expected, but it takes balls to leave a little chunk of land at the bottom of the world and land in the ‘Jungle’ an forge a new path. Even me just a caulker can command a small amount of respect for just being here . I dip my lid to all Aussies on our special day and I say thanks to Damo and Maddie for letting us in on their Aussie mates for Australia Day . Cheers

“Have you worked out which way your going to go ? I expect them to be picked up for the weekend , or else don’t bother coming home.” “Don’t worry darl i’l be getn m back . When I say I’m getn m ,I’m getn m.”I check google maps out and shit this joints out there . Fuck Howie strap yourself in cause you’re getn out on the freeways all on your lonesome . No google maps instructions here , I use the old fashion way , signs. Sure enough I’m out in this massive warehouse in an industrial estate called Vernon . I sign in and then I have my finger print taken , true. This is serious , the cargo is of cultural significance and security has covered most angles.Once outta there I’m on the white knuckle trip back through a leviathan of tangled concrete overpasses and merging big rigs. With the worst of the trip navigated I’m relaxing , in fact I’m starving . That’s when I here the voices . “Where are you taking us ? This isn’t Home we know where not in Australia .” “Don’t worry boys i’l get you back to a safe place ,I’ve got some guys who will really appreciate you little guys.”, I reply . Yeah , I’m smiling , licking my lips . Don’t worry you little fuckers are gonna get it big time . With your buddy horse , your practically gone. I getm Home , talking and calming them down all the while . “There ,in you go my little darlings, into your safe place . ” Goooo to sleep , i’l be back to warm you guys up soon . Oh yeah , you guys are gonna beloved !Bring on the indigestion, all in the name of Australia Day