Nerves . What could go wrong ? Another long haul flight back to LA . Me and the kids . 14 hours of flying and 24 hours of travel . Yeah, we’re spoilt . A lot of people would trade places . That’s something I keep telling myself . You might wanna bitch about it but you’re privileged to be in this position . So stuff it , I’m gonna bitch about it . The worry is always in the detail . Have I got my times right ? Getting through security and customs and then the flight . It doesn’t get any easier, long haul flying . 5 hours in , 2 movies down, dinner , full bladder , a stomach full of wind and restless legs reminds one that the next 9 hours ain’t gonna be much fun . A little blue tablet helps me drift into a stupor for the next 5 hours , grabbing a broken hour of sleep . It’s enough to keep me focused once landing 4 hours later , even after sitting in the plane for another 25 minutes waiting for the ground staff to find the lost wheel chocks . ( yes, can I say only in America ?) A 1000 person queue to clear customs is made nasty when we don’t get expedited to the front because of the kids ( we did last time ). 2 hours after landing we exit Tom Bradley terminal , greeted by thick humidity , car exhaust and the typical crush of LA traffic at 9pm on Monday night .Welcome Home . The taxi comes quick . Did I say what could go wrong ? It drops us off at Emma’s work where my car is parked , security have the keys . Just before flying I read my star signs . It tells me to be careful of mechanical faults whilst travelling . A very specific reading . Ok , you guys think it’s probably a load of shit , but when flying through 20 minutes of the worst turbulence I’d experienced to date , I was worrying that this forecast might come into play , but no ….Sitting in the front seat of the car I pause before turning the ignition , shit this is where that reading will come into play . No Howie don’t be negative . Emma would say that this is where thoughts become reality , so think positively . I don’t . I turn the key and it cranks over , spurts , splutters and then stalls . “Don’t you dare you mother fucker “. I try again and pump the excelerator for the same result . Several attempts later and the battery is dead , the door slammed several times , tyres kicked and a shameless tantrum is thrown .My phone still has its Telstra chip making it useless . I have to go in and beg security to ring a second taxi. The woman is hesitant at first , I sigh and express that it looks like we will have to walk the 10 ks in the middle of the night .Eventually she comes around and a taxi takes us home at 1015 pm . We are home at last , alone whilst Emma is in Montreal ………… Fuck that car and to that horoscope dude .. you had to be right just this once . At least today we get to the beach better than being in Melbourne at the moment ….. I think ?

Yeah I know , it sounds condescending but that’s not where I’m coming from . It’s time away , a realignment, a reality check . I dunno how to keep it from sounding cliche , something that you’ve heard before … yep switch off , it’s boring , but don’t . I want the people I live with in LA to be here with me , to see what I can see , to feel it , get swept up in it …….. to love it . Cause I know that they’d truly understand , we take if for granted . To drive down the freeway heading south to Rye , I’m struck by the landscape . Hills , green rolling waves , vineyards , cows , low hanging clouds ……space . Grey , stark , big , quiet at midweek in winter . Wow I never saw it before ,but now I can . When you’re in the LA jungle your sense of space and visual senses are diminished . Contrast , panorama , time , they’re all stripped back . It’s all beige . I head down to my brothers joint alone , Rye . I have to stop into my old surfing spots . Beautiful , cold , empty ….. magnificent I can only imagine the reaction of the people we know , we live here ,it’s where we go . They’d be blown away . I can’t wait for the day when we are back here permanently and we show our American friends our home . We can look them in the eye and not need say a word . Then theyd realise where the ‘land of the free ‘ really is.It’s not just that , it’s more . We’re innocent , honest ….raw . To go to the footy in Melbourne under the dome at 3 degrees and shiver through the night to see your team win or lose . Hey , we really play for keeps down here The next day , it’s over to the local football . This is where it creeps up on you . Small town , real and honest . It’s Leroy and me …. and a small knot in my stomach . Tyabb , a small town Australian football club that held the fondest of memories , a club that I left . A home made pie and kick to kick at the break of each quarter of play . Hey , it doesn’t happen over there .Does here , so good . Then there’s old faces , Wazza , Proudy , Stocko and even Shieldsy umpiring ( a bouncer who’d always give us a hard time getting into the shittest night club around ) . But it was the end that motivated me most . It got me thinking , stirred up , emotional . A small town win against the odds . I think I still love it here …. brought a tear to the eye . Listen to this

See it through my eyes , ….,,,, the fucken best

You wake up and are momentarily confused , it’s still dark . Feels like I’ve slept well , but then it sinks in , it’s winter in Melbourne , 715 am . Just a while ago I’d be out there unloading tools from the car , fluoros on and in grind mode . Now I’m in bed contemplating creeping into the kitchen to put the kettle on . A bit of sympathy and guilt swirls in your head as you look out into the grim pre dawn . “Nah fuckm I’ve done my time and will probably be there again some day . Then there’s lunchtime….. what to eat ? Shit , we better get some grease down .A simple pleasure like fish ‘n’ chips is a ‘once in a long time ‘treat . Yeah I felt a little guilty about the calories , but fuck it , it’s been a while and one day it’ll be a regular past time again . The MCG , the old house of pain for a Stkilda supporter is next . I drive mum in , knowing full well this could get ugly . 15 minutes in , it looks like I’m going to watch my beloved Saints do what they do best … get smashed . It then turns , the game opens up into a high scoring , entertaining affair . We win . Mum and I are pretty quiet , we didn’t see it coming . Right to the end it feels like we’l snatch defeat from the jaws of victory . It’s weird , for once in my life I feel like the good luck charm . I’m back and we win . Fuck it , I celebrate with a 6 pack of hot jam doughnuts and bag of dimsims ( dumplings in the US and not as regularly eaten like here ) from our favourite Chinese restaurant in Mentone . Fuck it ,we enjoy the fruits of victory , it’s been a while , it’ll be a while again . The Royal , an open fire , winter ….. quiet . Beautiful , a couple of quiet schooners . The view ; cold , steely grey ….. silver . Fuck it , I’l drink to that it .A Holliday in Melbourne ,in winter …… never thought I’d be doing that . Fuck it , i’l warm up and enjoy it , drink the brilliant coffee and know that soon enough I ‘l be in boardshorts scanning the waves in California . It’s short term but it’ll always be long term .

How do I feel ? One things for sure I’ve noticed the gut is emitting more gas . The change in diet has turned me into a walking trumpet . I think it’s the bread , I’m eating it again , and I’m making up for lost time . 4 pieces of whole meal toast with vegemite and two more with tomato for breakfast is well ………getting back in touch with carbs . Hey , you guys don’t know how good the simple things are here . Bread unsweetened is something that requires a patient , process of elimination in the US . The end result : you practically give it up , which isn’t a bad thing . Eggs and bacon for breakfast , proper bacon with the round included ,not paper thin ,smoked with apple wood or maple is a pleasure that has to be revisited . Lamb backstrap , lamb pie , steak with pepper sauce , twirls , Cadbury blocks , full cream yogurt and salt n vinegar chips have no doubt had the trumpet playing a hearty tune . Then there’s the cure : coffee . Oh how good it is to finally be reunited with an old flame . Something that actually tastes good , is not bitter , not burnt , or sharp , that has a wholesome taste with subtlety and still has the strong upfront taste that two shots can bring . And give her 10 minutes your intestines will be well lubricated . Clear the decks , cause it’s time to drop the brass band into the flush pool ……. so you can do it all again . 7 days down , I haven’t finished yet , 12 more days to get my fill .

Jetty rd brewery ? You go . There’s lamb on the menu …. You’ve got no choice . LA and lamb …., super rare and expensive. Mates,… pale ale ,we’l do that too . Rain , cold , it had to be Would it be any other way ? Back to Mornington and whadya do ? Has to be the local footy . Drinking beer , cold , listening to the three quarter time huddle. Next ? Like the good old days you walk up to the Grand hotel , a bit loose an all . The back bar , the TAB , pool tables and the footy on the tvs . Old mates , good guys and faces you’ve seen here 15 years before . Whadya do ?

You drink to that . LA s great , but it doesn’t have this .

15 hours of flying , close to 24 hours in transit and we are back in Melbourne . On our descend the captain announces the weather conditions . The murmur through the Qantas A380 says it all . 4 degrees ! Tex and I look at each other with an incredulous grin . Here we go . We exit international and the kids and I are looking at each other ; shaking our heads, it’s an instantaneous lip sinking of WTF . We are dressed in T shirts . An icy fog greets ,steam emits from our mouths .Leroy thinks it’s great , he pretends to smoke . Tex , well , let’s just say that when I saw him blowing smoke rings I got an idea of what he’s been up to on the weekends .The drive back over the Bolte was unremarkable , the city was completely hidden fron view . It was once through the tunnel and on the stretch out past Toorak road that the 1st trigger I noticed was the traffic . It was all one way , city bound . Back in LA the same thing happens , but the outbound traffic is much thicker . Work commutes in Melbourne can be bad , but everyday commuting in LA can be a real frustration . The roads are so smooth here , well cambered , clearly marked and well signed . All the things I took for granted , even bitched about are now revisited . It’s a whole lot better than another place I know . I had to take a picture , I felt stupid , but it was the rain drops and fog and the empty roads . You just don’t see this in LA, ever . The kids were famished, so Beth gladly pulled into the BP roadhouse at Mooroduc to grab , but what else? That very American institution itself , McDonalds . Not for one day can we keep the US influence away . That’s when it hit me . I’m gonna get a servo pie instead …. and the paper , a proper tasting snickers bar and holy shit !….. a cappuccino too . The pie I inhaled in under a minute , the coffee I savoured . I wouldn’t of chosen to get a coffee from here in the past , but this one has already trumped every coffee I’ve had in 15 months of living in LA . Content , I take in the surrounds and then I start to notice things . It’s clean , bright and new , but it’s the quiet that stands out . Transplant this joint into the SouthBay and it would be standing room only , grimy , noisy and not filled with tradesman grabbing a coffee or using the open clean toilets . This place does get busy I’ve seen it before , but busy is the all day back in California . The day we flew out I met up with Emma and Leroy for lunch at Shake Shack , Leroy’s choice . At 1 pm on a Monday afternoon I couldn’t get a park near the joint , I had to drive around the corner and park in a multi storey car park just to go an eat fast food for Christ’s sake . As I walked back I cursed to myself , shaking my head at all these stupid fucks that had to get here to get their calories on a goddam Monday . Emma looks at me and laughs .”Calm down babe , it’s just lunch .” I look at her and just shake my head . Oh well , I’m one of them too . First day back and it’s cold , but it’s quiet . Give me 3 weeks and we’l get a better idea at where home is .

Any given Sunday Hermosa Beach gets busy , especially as we have started the Holliday season . Today Leroy and myself headed down to the beach for a swim and play around .You see ,tomorrow we will fly back to Melbourne for the middle of winter . It’s hard to believe that one day we will be swimming in California’s Pacific waters on our doorstep , and in 36 hours we will be in the cold of Melbourne . Hermosa in summer is a place you can truly wear almost anything and people won’t care . Hence the only time I would wear my footy jumper outside of my closet , is here . I wouldn’t be caught dead in it in Victoria . Today we’l soak in the vibe and people watch with the best intentions . Sunglasses on at all time of course .Might get a headache otherwise. Give it a day and a half and we’l be no one special and just another Melbournian . It’s cool to be a novelty , but back home we’ l be back in the Tribe . The cold , the realness , the football , the short days , the reading of the paper , the rain , the wind , the winter grind , the pies , coffee , egg and bacon rolls , the 3rd , 4th and 5th beer , talking about almost anything , watching kids train in puddles , huddled in coaching boxes , grey skies , green paddocks , beanies . It all sounds …. almost romantic . It ‘l be the acid test . Coming back home at this time of year will be the true test . What’s better ? Golden California or steely grey Melbourne . See you in 2 days ……………Can’t wait

Sometimes you can look at something and can almost imagine seeing something else . Last Tuesday I wrote about a day that started great but went south when I came home to discover the house locked with no spare key in the lock box . You can stare into the water most days and see dolphins and at least once a week you’l spot a seal as well . As yet I haven’t seen a shark , or I have I ? I did want to write about seeing a shark on Tuesday and then staying in the water to keep surfing . Whilst gazing out into the horizon I saw a dolphin explode out of the water and then clumsily slam down on its back . It crashed out of the water 300 m out to my right , not far from the Manhatten pier .I immediately recognised it as a great white shark . A white belly and black body with a widysh girth . Then commonsense kicked in ; I haven’t seen it before , or heard anyone else say they’ve seen one . Nup , my imagination has got in the way and it was a dolphin . Cool ….. nothing to worry about . Tuesday was just a normal day that went south ……,, or maybe it wasn’t normalYep , like I said , you can look at a dolphin and think it’s just an odd shaped dolphin , until someone else confirms that it ain’t no dolphin.

It’s finally over , the school year . The first day of Summer , the 21 st of June is the last day of school in Hermosa Beach . 11 weeks ! May I repeat that , 11 weeks of school holidays ahead . Pretty much the whole summer . We all head down 22nd street on Hermosa Beach for the after school party . It’s odd , we are only half way through the calendar year but it feels like we should be going to Christmas partys and work breakups ( don’t think they havem over here ) . But here I am with Leroy , his friends and their families . I’ve got my esky and a 6 pack hidden under the towels and sunscreen. I’m prepared this time and I’m waiting for that 1st blue cup to come out and then i’l crack one open . The 1st day of summer , in June , in California . I’l drink to that …,,,, again

Most days it creeps in through the house like a shimmering sea fog . The mank first, then a pungent tang dissipates into that sickly sweet after stench of dope . It’s an everyday smell that has to be accepted , cause it’s legal . Tex instantly recognises the smell . He’s just turned 13 and he knows what weed smells like . That’s going to be the main issue , the education required for the kids . Upstairs our neighbours work in the industry , often the waft will blow in from their balcony , coating our place in that special incense . Marcus across the road too , and I think another neighbor down the alley also burns the green timber . It’s only the beginning, but this wheel is turning quickly , check out the products below that are now accessible:Fancy a bag of chips ? Normally I like some salt and vinegar chips with a beer . How about a sour worm to quieten the kids up ?Maybe some fruit loops ?Wake n bake , sure this will wake you up, not. If you thought the increase in that special waft would be the extent of it , you are completely underestimating the game . The waft is merely the front line , wait till you see what follows .