The base is vibrating through the hand rail ,a mass is heaving below ;shit this is bigger ,younger , more beautiful, more glamorous, more flesh and less clothed than even I had imagined ……. and I’m one of only 3 people with their shirts on , the other 5 thousand are practically naked .I’m melting on the inside whilst I burn on the outside. Stationed on the walkway my outlook is fixed , drowned by a vision of sheer debauchery … Calvin Harris in Vegas

Before this ? When Ash said a pool party I didn’t think I’d end up here . We marched through MGM Grand in our board shorts with a collared shirt on , it felt odd , but hey this is Vegas and you see this shit ….. just didn’t expect it’d be me . My alter ego is at his acute self …… “WTF are you doing dude , this crowd is gonna be too young for you “, he says . “Mate I’ve gotta do it , we are doing this for Als birthday “, I reply . “Fuck man , you’re gonna be the oldest one there , like some creepy old fuck ogling at young girls in a school yard”, ” Nah surely it won’t be that bad ………….As we get closer it starts to dawn pretty quick …… fuck there are a lot of 21 year olds walking down here .We march through the open pool area towards a closed off entry point , herded in , body searched , pulled aside and told that our bag the size of a small handbag cannot be brought in ; we have to pay $80 for a locker to hold Tims camera and our stuff , Tim is enraged and marches out to take our stuff back . Me ….. I thought this was an obvious attempt to discourage and maybe get us to change our mind , especially as girls were coming in with handbags larger than our said bag but were still allowed in without needing a locker and no one else was wearing a collared shirt .Obviously staff knew what the scene was ……. young We walk into the pool area and it’s obvious …….. this is the hottest ,coolest young crowd in Vegas . Abs , g strings , gold coloured swim wear that could fit in the palm of your hand but then is just ….and only just covers a statuesque brunette in high heels who looks like Kim Kardashian , she’s not alone . The music is pumping , the crowd is bouncing … well , a lot of stuff is bouncing , theres not much left to the imagination , this is the next generation . Your kids could be here right now , shit if it’s your daughter you need to stop reading from this point on………she’s probably wasted , writhing her small beautiful derrière ……,,… no I won’t describe it ….. it just makes me sound worse than what I feel right now . There are levels … beds are inhabited by the beautiful , the spas are fixtured with the absolutely beautiful and near naked and the cabanas are for the VIP which are filled with massive , tattooed , roided up gangsters with a bevy of string cladded bikini wearing girls dancing and fighting for their attention .

My lips start to burn , I realise it’s the chlorine evaporating off the water , it’s what’s happening under the water that lets me know that they need more chlorine … and I’m not talking urine . Like some old pervert at a pool party . I want out but Ash and Al want in , with Tin reappearing the shirts are off and the boys are in . I’m left to watch and drink and watch and…………… fuck it , my shirt goes off and it’s official …… I’m the oldest dude in the pool , probably the oldest dude in the venue Hilarious , what do you do ? Fuck it ..,… join them ..,…, it’s your birthday Al , you’l never have one like this again .

Have you ever tried to extricate someone from LAX in peak our traffic ? Hang on tight cause it’s gonna get tropical . I think I’ve just got comfortable with the LA traffic phenomenon, but getting into and out of LA s major airport is gonna test your nerve. I barely passed the test. There’s no rules here , no security or traffic management , everyone wants in , everyone wants out .Taxis , buses , Uber’s , motor bikes , cars pushing in , pushing out , complete fucking chaos, but I got there ….. some how . Fortunately Ash showed up . “Howie , how ya going? ” There he was at my window . “Shit mate , how are you ” . As simple as that we were into action . The car behind me caught on a 45 degree angle , trying to merge into the curb . Us ? Doesn’t matter , there we were holding it up , throwing cases in , all action , all team work , doing what we do best … making it happen .

And then we were off . Not like a second had gone by was talk back to normal , no big reunions , no hand shakes , no hugs , it was like any normal day , that’s what I love . We know each other too well , it’s automatic , it’s like we did this yesterday , transmission continued .

What did we do ? Straight to the bars of Hermosa at 11am . American Junkie and the first guys in……. Ash ” Whaddya reckon Howie , an IPA? “. “Why not Mate ?” 4 Of those puppies later and the boys are well and truly lubricated . 24 hours , no sleep and it’s on ….. Would it be any other way ? Nah , that’s how we roll ….. bring it on

The year has ground down to a halt , but not before high drama drained us of our last drop of sanity , that I can not reveal on this site . Tex …………………what more can I say ? A lot , one day it’ll all come out in the wash . It was touch and go getting to his middle school graduation , but he got there Another chapter on American life has come to pass ; graduation day and all the ceremony that came with it .

We rocked up at Mira Costa in Emma’s little BMW , we had to , as Tex constantly tells me that my shit box Nissan is inappropriate for this town . Mira Costa will be High School for Tex starting in late August . High school starts at year 9 , I can’t emphasise enough how critical the next 12 months of Tex’s schooling life will have on our future in California. For tonight , it’s about relief and celebration ….and for finally putting names to faces and parents to their offspring. We meet in the school , it ‘s apparent early and with no surprise that this group of kids are white , privileged, good looking and have parents with the means to push them further . I know I keep playing this card …..but there is money and shit I do love the people watching that comes with it . We notice that many kids have leis around their necks and on closer inspection the Hawaiian flowers are not green and white but are instead notes …. yes cash , around their neck . This has me smugly laughing to myself “of course that’s what it is ” . We of course have no idea of these traditions , but it helps to fuel my inferiority complex and shit I do enjoy the crassness that comes with the territory. There’s dudes in sports suits , with dyed hair , botoxed faces , wife’s with blonde hair , high heels , more Botox and ample cleavage , you gotta love it .Shit, is this a celebration of our kids progressing to the next level or is it about Mum and dad showing that they’re important , either way I’m fascinated by the show .Eventually we get into the auditorium, it’s impressive , it’s large and I mean seriously large in comparison to Australian schools . The school brass band plays the tune ‘pomp and circumstance ‘ with the kids drifting down the aisles before filing into their seats on the main stage , remember they’re only year 8s . We then all rise to our feet to ‘the pledge of allegiance ‘, another novelty that I laugh to and enjoy ;you can tell us Aussies don’t take our patriotism too seriously . From here it becomes a grind ,as the next hour is filled with perfect kids , making perfect speeches , celebrating perfect scores , talking a perfect world and a perfect Hermosa …with awards , trophies , awards and more ……. awards . What really captured my attention was that some of the awards had monetary recognition ….ha ? With a little envelope attached , a warm applause and that oh so proud head nod from the gloating crowd of parents and supporters that made this richer than the sickliest of treacle …… Love it . Would this happen in Mornington ? Ahhh no . Eventually Tex is called to the front to receive his diploma , it’s met with the sound of a pin drop , that may indicate the reputation that he is developed . There is a year book with a little story on each kid , you could pay to get a full page spread ….ummm , yeah Tex didn’t get a full page spread . The next stage awaits , its High School . Tex has joined the football team ( grid iron ) , has to train for the next 6 weeks over his school break and we prey that he can find a way to strive that’s on the’ straight and narrow ‘ . It’s time to strap ourselves in , please let it be smoother that the tumultuous ride of the last 2 years of middle school ……. it’s over to you Tex .

The school fundraising committee organised a dads day on the green for lawn bowling . It was an auction item that I put my name down for . As the day drew closer it was obvious that some of the dads i’d rather be socialising with weren’t there , but no matter ,I decide that I should put myself out there anyway . It was odd to not receive any notification with the date looming , it was only Emma who received an email , maybe mine wasn’t legible on the sign on . I deliberately got in there about 15 minutes late but to my surprise the joint was full , with the guys receiving a run down on the days proceedings . I drift in quietly around the back with just a little bit , no a lot of self awareness . Almost everyone is wearing white collared shirts , khaki shorts and boat shoes . It just so happened by chance that I was wearing a white t shirt and pale beige shorts , with no real thought to abiding to some old fashioned etiquette. I got lucky on this one as there were a couple of guys in similar getup . It was then put to my attention that I should’ve paid the $75 for the day online after receiving an email . Nah , never got that , but $80 cash was handed over and all was good . These are the moments that occasionally pop up where you realise you are from a very different upbringing . There’s that sniff of ‘the old boys club ‘ amongst a group of the dads that oozes self importance . Ahhh well fuck it , I’m gonna have to start drinking beer real quick to break off that layer of insecurity and judgemental deliberation that can often paralyse me . It’s when I reach down to grab a beer from the ice bucket that I realise I’m going to need to drink quick as there are only a dozen full strength beers , with the other 60+ being either Bud light or Coors light ( awful) . After downing a couple and loosening up you begin to appreciate the vibe . There’s a dude sitting on a stool strumming the guitar singing some classic 90s tunes , there’s laughter and a feel that this mightn’t be so stiff after all . Shit I better eat something before we are assigned our teams ( pulling numbers out of a hat ) , as the lubrication has had the desired effect, but alas the 15 hot dogs are quickly gobbled up without replacements , there’s a tray of shredded chicken without any means but to use our fingers to scoop it up and then there is still no where near enough food for 35 dads plus the bowling club staff . It’s just corn chips from here . With no food and the heavy beer drank in the 1st half an hour it looks like I’ll have to suck it up . Fortunately Paul grabs a bottle of vodka hiding behind the chips and tops up my cup of Gatorade . Now it’s time to rip up this green . I’ve got a fellow surfer in Hans and a bloke named John , I’m captain . We blitz our 1st game , are drawn in the winners bracket to play another team that just happened to be the 3 main guys who seemed to be running this show . It’s meant to be loose and just a bit of fun but these guys are well……….,, yeah it felt hierarchical and contrived that they were at the top of the green where the winners would reside . This is where it got painful ….. it’s was competitive , I couldn’t have bowled much better , I was desperate to beat these fuckers . I kissed the jack 3 times in 4 ends but they beat us convincingly 5 nil . With a condescending ” you guys were really competitive ” we took our medicine …. me I went looking for that vodka . Geezus Howie you don’t have to win all the time I say to myself , but it’s not that …. I just didn’t want to see that same type of group that you see in any wealthy town always ending up the winner . Fucken pricks , ahh well I better just drink up , fortunately another dozen IPAs ( heavy beer ) are added to the ice . Eventually we win our last game and no one really cares or remembers who won or lost .., except me , oh and of course those 3 guys . We end up at a bar around the corner before I end up talking to a few other dads and then drifting off to a friends house to continue onto the next session . Today was a fun day . Yes , there’s a few wankers in any town , this place probably has more than it’s fair share but bowling with a few beers was fun and I’m glad that I went . Next year …….. let’s get the right crew in , get some food , proper alcohol ,loosen right up and bowl for laughs .

“Are you finished with this rubbish ? Can I throw it in the bin ?” “Ahhhh , maybeee , hmmm don’t throw it in the bin yet “. ” Don’t get any ideas ,we’ve already got enough in the family as it is .”

Wind back to February when Emma and I decided to diet and chose Keto . It was the 1st time in my life that I truly tried to restrict my eating habits in a controlled plan .The whole exercise lasted a month ,and it wasn’t easy . I hated it , but I’d be lying if I didn’t see benefits , like a reduced waste line and a remarkably clear head . Slowly the strict guidelines of Keto have slipped from our diet , but still there are things I cling to . The restriction of starchy carbs and especially wheat are something I am trying to stick with ,this brings me to a discussion I had with Ole Mate …… “You’re probably gluten intolerant or at least sensitive to wheat ! I bet you if you stopped eating it your skin would clear up .” As soon as he said it my ears pricked up , I think the old fuckers onto something , but I hate to see him right about things so I wave it away as nonsense . Since then I’ve wondered about it from time to time until just the other day It struck me ……it’s practically disappeared. You see I have had tinea on my feet for my whole adult life . I’ve tried various products for sometimes up to 6 months or more but the stuff would always come back . For 30 years I’ve had flakey ,itchy disgusting skin on my feet with not more than a month of respite ….until now ,and coincidentally my wheat intake has dropped dramatically .Yep , I love bread , a piece of toast with vegemite or avocado or best of all …egg ……..and shit it makes me sad at the thought of giving it up . I loved cereal too , that’s gone as well . From here there is a new progression , we have begun seeing a nutritionist and it’s going downhill quick .Blood types and the diet that suits . This sounded fascinating especially as I had no idea of my blood type . Jayne Justice is the woman we are seeing , she brought around a blood test kit for the 4 of us . It turns out that Leroy and Emma are ‘O’ blood types and Tex and I are ‘A ‘ blood types . So what’s it mean ? It turns out good news for Emma and Leroy but myself and Tex ? I looked over at Tex ,I could see him recoiling and slowly shaking his head , Emma started laughing . Myself ? I contemplated throwing myself under the next bus . Somehow I expected this . Type ‘O’ blood types descend from early hunter gatherers and function well on a healthy serving of meat. Type ‘A’s are closely linked to the 1st humans who relied on agriculture and were vegetarian . The blood type facts are laid bare like a dead body in the mortuary , types ‘A’s are gonna get here quicker if they eat meat . I’m totally fucked . So what do I do ? We have to diarise our eating habits . I start by trying to uptake my vegetable consumption , but’s it bloody difficult to stay satisfied . The hunger of the early Keto diet returns . It’s funny but I have always naturally eaten more fruit and vegetables than Emma and constantly let her know about it , now ….she doesn’t care . It’s not just that we ( type ‘A’s ) should really be vegetarian but also wheat and dairy should be restricted or cut out all together . WTF! If I wasn’t depressed I surely am now. Type ‘A’s apparently have a stomach acid that struggles to break down meat and a whole lot of other delicacies. There are other things we shouldn’t eat like :tomatoes , chilli , pepper , mushrooms ,cabbage,olives and pickles . Holy shit ,can it get any worse ? Sure can ………..beer …it’s out too . No , this must be a typo , but it’s not . As a consolation I can have wine , and if I have to eat like this for the rest of my life I’m gonna need a lot of it . Our exercise habits should also fall in line with our blood type . ‘A’s are more suited to tai chi and yoga , ‘B’s are suited to high intensity . The lifestyle choices and character traits extend into career direction as well . Apparently ‘A’s cope with quiet environments and lower stress jobs . Shit some things add up here but my 1 sample size is hardly a test study . Today I’m still hanging onto these books . I haven’t been able to open them yet as the tears are holding me back . Shit , looks like the next time you’ll see me I’ll have dreadlocks , sandals and an orange gown .Emma : “What’s for dinner darl “. Me : ” Ummmm , I cooking you steak , lamb chops and a couple of sausages , I’ve decided to hold back your peas and put all of them on my plate . “

It’s been a tough 3 weeks whilst Emmas been overseas . She flew in at 7am Saturday morning , it’s fair to say a lot of shit has gone down . It’s funny how the universe works , she gets back from Australia and that’s our theme for the day . We are to catch up later for a farewell get together for a cool Melbourne family who have lived here for 7 years and are now returning to Melbourne to live . Its weird that Emma flys back the very same day from Melbourne and we are to connect with another family going back , and then to top it off I look at my Facebook feed to find that an Aussie rules game will be played in Torrance ( 20 minutes from our joint ) with the LA Dragons . It doesn’t seem anything to write about at all but to live here in LA …..well that shit doesn’t happen .To add more stock to the pot I switch tv Chanel’s and there’s Ash Barty in the French Open final , and as we know , she got the chocolates . Fuck ,it’s like Australia Day has changed dates .

Poor Emma has to get off a 15 hour flight and rock straight into it . We are excited but it’s hard to translate it to friends over here . An Aussie Rules game of football up the road from home is incredible for us , well shit it’s more me and Leroy . I’m torn , do I put it out to a large group of people or do I keep it low key . This is a game that literally no one has heard of over here . Dwarf throwing , ice hockey , la crosse , dodge ball , and cheer leading have a profile but Aussie rules ? It may as well be some circus sport from a far flung land that really can’t be real . We are excited , we want to telephone everyone but we look at each other and it’s like …ummm they’re really not interested . Eventually we drag two of Leroys mates there . ….and they had a ball .

Wilson Park , Torrance , it’s probably the size of Wilson’s rd reserve in Mornington , that’s a bloody big space of grass reserved for public use over here . They can’t get over the size of fields we play sport on , and they’re oval shape ‘ , wow that’s real ? To make this whole experience more authentic is that the park is surrounded with gum trees …. and there’s goal posts at either end . The echo of whistles blowing, voices raised and grown men in shorts and singlets running around punting an oval shape ball ……..ha what is this stunt ?

It was hilarious when the boys decided they wanted an autograph , and on their shoes . “Hey boys they’re not superstars ,they’re Park footballers .” The guy above is Pat Nicholls ,his older brother is a ruckman for the Goldcoast Suns , and yes Emma was impressed . As Pat is a tennis coach she thought tennis lessons could work . After talking to Pat he said he needed me , they need guys to put the boots on who’ve played before . I entertained it for 20 seconds before Emma reminded me that I’m nearly 50 and have hamstrings like worn shoelaces . Next time they play here we are dragging some friends along . I’m sure just watching Pat run around will be reason enough . The kids couldn’t stop yelling out encouragement all day , they thought Pat was some star , just like the tennis wives he coaches in Beverly Hills .

The afternoon took us to Brentwood / Pacific Palisades just up past Santa Monica . It’s a beautiful area tucked into the beginning of the Malibu Hills , covered with trees and private streets . It felt like some of the streets I often worked at back on the southern end of the Mornington Peninsula .This is the last hoorah for Frank , Kaz and their kids before they move back to Melbourne .To have drinks ,eat sausage rolls,sandwiches with chewy unsweetened white bread and to hear that familiar twang in nearly every conversation from the 50 something guests was uplifting and refreshing . Franks a successful music producer ( Gotye ) and Kaz writes for Reece Witherspoon , we were lucky enough to have caught up with them at an Australia Day party 2 years ago . Kaz is in the floral dress .

Finally ,we drift off home ,fortunately Emma has brought back a couple of favourites , and shit what better way to finish this particular Aussie day in LA .

It’s been grey , for a long time . Cool days that start shrouded in a light sea haze , not the rolling fogs that creep in off the horizon , or the traditional June gloom that accompany pre summer in LA . Winter was cold and wet , at least for LA standards . Summer is only 15 days away , yet there’s barely been a beach day to be had , the temperature has hovered between 16 and 21 degrees Celsius for months . The sun has stayed away .

It hasn’t been all bad …… you know where I’m going ?….. The waves . Week in , week out they’ve been doing their thing . The water has stayed cold , even this close to summer I’m wearing a 4 by 3 wetsuit . I’ve never done that in my life , and I’m from Melbourne’s east coast with its heavy icy water . It’d be early December and the lighter wetsuits would be in use back on the Peninsula . Lots of weather fronts north and south of LA , hovering in the Pacific have kept the coast cool and active . With the plentiful waves the beaches are exposed to more wash , there’s stuff in the water , mostly plastic but the beaches have been dirty . The SouthBay beaches capture a lot of the storm run off . The best waves tend to arrive with accompanying warnings of poor water conditions . Perfect , it keeps the crowds down , but there’s a price to pay , a 6 week sore throat and multiple ear blockages . Only yesterday did the ear open up , but alas there were waves at my sneaky right . ( that’s it above ) I had no choice , now I’m back to deaf again . There’s plenty of sea life here , just weeks ago I was attacked by an albino Mantaray . In stormy waters a strange shape flanked me from the right . From the corner of my eye it appeared , gliding effortlessly beyond the nose of my board . When I began to breathe again it became real ……. it was a large sheet of white plastic travelling in the current two feet under . This is something that you get used to , the plastic . The beach authorities do a great job in cleaning the coast but 25 million people and run off adds up ………. its gotta go somewhere. So with just a fortnight until Summer , I hope it stays grey , it’s been great to have waves ,low crowds and to walk outside without always having to wear a cap or sunscreen. The only loss ? My hearing and yeah , I do miss those g strings . Don’t worry ,I’ll be sure to send you pictures when the sun comes out .

“Mr .Howard , I’m wondering if you would be of some assistance in the classroom ? “Sure , what do you need ? That’s the moment I’d like to take back . It’s not like I don’t want to help but it’s the kind of help that matches my skill set . You see , many people probably assume that I’m pretty handy with the tools on account of me working for 25 years in the construction industry . I’m pretty handy with my personal tools but when it comes to hammers , drills , jigsaws and all that handyman shit , well …….. it’s fair to say that silicone is my strong suit . Hey ,I’m a caulker , if I was handy I’d be a carpenter .My problem is Leroy’s teacher thinks I’m a goddam builder . Mrs .Dunne wants me to pull apart tables made in the 70s , readjust the legs ( they’re adjustable ) and add screws to legs that are missing them . I do this whilst she teaches the class .

Mrs.Dunne, she was the teacher that no one wanted . There’s plenty of parents who dreaded the year ahead , and there was ensuing drama . I on the other hand think she’s fine , but she is disorganised and hyper , she can’t sit still . There were warnings from parents of previous years , stories of even one parent running around picking up her laundry , true story . For me , I needed those warnings earlier . She’s a classically beautiful woman , but old style , she could’ve been on Leave it to Beaver or any of those 60 and 70s sitcoms as the lean angular teacher with that formal approach . If she gets hold of you she’s not shy in asking for your help and as I’ve said before …..I’m soft . I’m a little panicked when I’m to pull apart tables that must be 40 years old . Shiiit , I’m sweating in no time as try to pry and unscrew bolts that are practically welded together , all the while keeping as quiet as possible . I eventually loosen the 4 legs on one table for it to suddenly drop , pinching my hand between the metal leg and sleeve . I don’t react but underneath I’m screaming “Fuck !!! . After 3 hours I’ve achieved the near impossible in my eyes . The task is complete ………

Next day …”Mr.Howard , can I please grab you for a quick favour . ( she knows I’m free ) . I’ve been thinking about the tables you adjusted yesterday . I think it’s better we change them back to there original heights.” Ohh fuck no , please this can’t be . The little voice in my head tells me to say no , there’s waves that are pumping this morning , by the time you’re finished the winds will be onshore . “Ok , sure “. WTF did you say yes for ? Unfortunately it is the beginning of a recurring theme . Mrs.Dunne asks a favour , I say yes even though I mean ‘no ‘. A week later she gets me to take the tables off the legs and replace the table tops with new ones she’s found . Once again I’m in a panic as I try and line up screws , drills and other shit I’ve got no idea about , all the while I’ve got an audience of kids and passing teachers that think I’m Tim the tool man . Fortunately a passing father( thank you Dave Jacobson ) bringing in his late child ,he steps in and quickly buzzes in the screws while I line up the table top , further more making me look like a stud . Next Monday it happens again …”Mr.Howard ?” Ohhh fuck no . “If you don’t mind I have some flat packs coming in tomorrow that need to be put together , are you available. Just say no the little voice says .”Yes , sure “.

To my horror , there are half a dozen boxes from IKEA waiting for me next morning . Holy shit this can’t be . You fucken idiot !! the little voice cries . Sure enough 4 hours later I’ve completed my gravest assignment yet , I’m almost inclined to rush home and and down a couple of coldies before lunch on a week day , but I think better of it . Next Friday I’m to put together a bird bath and stick it to the window . Days later I’m replacing hooks on the wall , then there’s more hooks to be fitted for the school bags . I’m practically doing an apprenticeship for my sons grade 2 teacher . She gets me to load and unload her car on multiple occasions, I’m going to the office to cut and pick up paper and various other small tasks that a gopher has to do . The following week she wants me to use a jigsaw that she has borrowed to shape new table tops in the shape of kidneys . She has an obsession with tables . That’s when I shit myself . The guise is up , I confess that the task is beyond my ability . Holy shit, about time genius , the little voice rejoices . She is shocked but accepts my call , hallelujah. For the next month I wait at the bottom of the stairs so as I’m out of her reach , it works …….for a bit . …….”Mr.Howard ?” …ohh no . This time I’m tracing kids and helping them paint themselves , this I can handle .

“Troy , have you heard about the secret back room ? That’s where the new product comes in . If you ask you might get to try some new stuff at below price . ” “You , serious? Nick I’m going to chase this up now “. The seed is sown .

You see Nick used to work down at the North End bar , which is just a 1 minute walk from our joint . He tells me that the locals , only select locals would seek special permission to the back of the grog shop where stock that either struggled to sell , out of date or hadn’t yet made it to the fridge would somehow find itself on the unwanted or lonely team . That’s where the legendary back room existed . …. Don’t worry , I know a few years have passed but one day I’ll ask and get my way back there .

It’s been a while , but I head down to the little grog shop . The stock here is pretty diverse , there’s plenty to choose from and what’s even better it’s just a 5 minute walk from my place ……. really , really useful , especially in the warmer months . I’ve had a few so I’ve got a skip in my step . When I get in there I notice the stock has been reduced , to my disappointment . What’s even funnier the young guy serving disappears out the back for a good 3 minutes , leaving me here alone . I could grab and armful of stuff and walk out . He comes back in and I say ? “Hey mate what’s going on with the fridge , ya boss getn tight with his beer selection . ” He looks at me with confusion . ” One half of the fridge is empty . You guys trying to waste energy . ” “Si , sir ?” , he replies . Geezus , here we go again . He can’t understand a fuckn word I’m saying . Just a side note to any employer … it would help if the staff spoke English . Now don’t get touchy about this , it’s a simple suggestion, and the kid serving me ? Good luck buddy cause I’m gonna have some fun with you .

“Hey big dog you wouldn’t have any other stock out the back that…you know , maybe could be ready for a new home like that empty fridge ….. or even possibly , in this bag I have here ?” He looks at me blank faced. “Cmon maaaaate , you can let me in on the secret .” The kid looks confused , English is hard enough for him but then throw a strong Australian accent on top and he’s got no hope . Deep down I know the back room is in the past ,from a by gone era when this area was more local and less affluent , but fuck I’m gonna try anyway , plus there’s no one in the shop but us two . “No comprehend ah sir “, the kid replies .

” Hey mate , why don’t you take me out to the special room . Ya know the one ?” “Sir ?”, he replies. “Mate I’m not gonna rob ya ,I just want in on the little backroom stash . You know …. for a discount “, I smile . “No sir , I……….. “. Ok buddy . “What I’m asking is there any stock in the back that is discounted ?” ( I’m actually embarrassed as I don’t really need a discount ,I just wanted to throw it out there to say that Ive been in the special room . ) The kid shakes his head and tells me it’s just a store room . “Yeah I know mate ,but…… never mind .”I grab a last 4 pack ( big 500+ mil cans) of beer and plonk them on the bench . He scans them at $18 !! “Hang on buddy , hold ya horses , they are marked at $11.99 ” “No sir , it scans at $18!”, the kid replies . “Geezus mate check your empty fridge , it says $11.99 ” He checks it out and sure enough it’s the last of the stock and is discounted . “Ohh sorry sir .” “No worries mate , today I didn’t need the special room , but next time ?” …… Poor fucka didn’t understand a word I was saying , and I think that 4 pack might’ve been in the wrong position . Today the special room might’ve been in the fridge .

Yeah , it’s coming into summer here , unlike the last 2 years it’s been very mild , No matter though , the surfs been pretty good ….unlike the last 2 years . You see this blog is not about trying to show you something new or impressing you guys or surprising you with anything . This is a repeat of more of the same , shit I just said the same thing twice …twice . Fuck that’s what happens when you’ve had a couple of beers . This weekend ? Memorial weekend , a 3 day weekend .They have two a year as a tribute to their fallen and serving armed forces . It probably sounds ‘so so ‘but this joint has a lot , and I mean a lot of fallen , ex and serving soldiers .You see quite a few on some select street corners begging …… that is shocking but a reality over here . Here in Hermosa Beach there is a 3 day festival selling art , crafts , food and alcohol all over 3 days , attracting thousands to the town from the wider LA.Yep ,it’s on the news and only a 1 mile walk from our house . Yeah ,look at the tv closely and you can see the temperatures in Fahrenheit and the Dodgers logo in the corner . Fuck , it’s only when I look at this picture that I shake my head and say , this is in our joint … in LA .

It’s the beginning of the tourist season and it’s a realisation that this little town that we live in is a very popular location , but only to those that live in LA. Hmmmm, reminds me of another hometown location that is underplayed ( this is our hometown ,for those that may read this in the USA or elsewhere …Mornington , Australia )

Nothing much has changed , Emma is still killing it at NYX and just came back from a 10 day trip to Paris . I’ve held the fort together , but only just as old Texxy boy has pushed us to the limits , if only I could tell you …..not on this forum . He is soon to finish his middle school years and will hit Mira Costa ( high school ) in September to start a new school year . This could be the make or break of our whole existence in LA . This will be critical , as the ‘painful one ‘ has to improve and find his groove , otherwise ………tough choices will have to be made . As Ive said in the past , kids here are exposed to stuff early, and unfortunately I’ve got a kid who will go there before most . Fuck I was a shy little rabbit at his age …. him , thinks he’s going on 21 . Yep, he holds all the cards ….. it’s a big 6 months coming up .

I have just re started my Friday night beer posts , every Friday a new beer goes up with the ocean and setting sun in the background. With the daylight saving nights upon us and retreating from a seriously grey cold winter ,there hasn’t been much opportunity for a Friday sunset shot Right now at 726 on a Saturday night ,this shot with our neighbour Laurie ( had to get her in , fuck you wanna see her daughters , she should’ve been put into stud ) is typical of our weekend vista . She said, ” hi Australia ” , Tim I think you’re a half a chance when you get here .

This afternoon Emma and I went for a walk up the road to a cliche American bar for a couple of drinks ( tipping is still uncomfortable and pricey when it comes to drinking out ) . It’s always a buzz to sit in these long dark rectangular bars , covered in paraphernalia and old American folk that you always saw in those 70s and 80s detective shows . Yep you still see them . A quick Uber home for $5 ( true , this is consumerism at its USA best ) a quick cheap frozen pizza is still a treat …. yep I’m embarrassed to say this ,but this pup thinks they’re great and seriously smash anything frozen pizza style and some fresh store style in Aus ….. and at $3.79 why wouldn’t you ? Fuck it ,let’s get gross and throw a couple of Ruffles chips on top . You do that on your 4th beer at 7%. .

Tonight I’ll go to bed loose , and hopefully not wake up early in the morning to check the footy scores . Saints I’m talking about yooos , I’m worried . Stupid , but you still ride ya team hard from the other side of the world . The people here have no idea how tribal and invested we are back home . That’s something that is hardly translatable , hopefully one day I’ll take some US friends to a game of footy on a cold Melbourne day with a big crowd and a heaving atmosphere, then they’ll know . For now , it’s coming …. Showtime , summer Hermosa Beach , a people watching Mecca , yep , beautiful people , strange people and just people you can watch …….. and each weekend for a while now we’ll be entertained just a few steps from our house . To Al , Ash and Tim ……..it’s here waiting for you . Any way pups , just checking in with yas …..it’s all good here , until next time ….. cheers