“Yeah ,a mate at work told me about it . Its just up the road , it’s a crazy setup .” …………I kept it locked in the memory bank . It could be handy sometime . I’d driven past it many times . I’d wondered why the car park out the back seemed a little too discreet . It always had cars in it but you never saw customers in the front shop. Weird .
We’ve got a camping trip coming up .Hmmm, I think I’ll scope this place out . It could be handy . It’s only a few kilometres up the road .I drive by 1st just to make sure everything is legit . Sure enough there is a couple of cars in the back car park , but I hesitate and park the car on the street front . I decide I don’t want to look like a dick if I park the car in the premises and then realise my suspicions are totally unfounded .It’d be better if I slink back into the street and stick my pride in the back pocket . When I look the big fella in the eye I’m sure I’ve found the right place .
“Welcome . have you been here before ?”, the girl asks . The big security guard sits back in the corner and plays with his phone, totally unperturbed about my presence . “Yeah my Aussie mate told me to check you guys out .” ,I reply . I know she’s struggling to decipher my accent , coupled with the mask she can barely comprehend me …..situation normal . I show her my ID and the girl gives me a card. This card is now my membership card ………to the church .
“ Well ,thank you for choosing to come to us . Before you enter you must take an offering on behalf of the church . “An offering….like what I ask ?” “You’ve got a choice between this candy with 5 milligrams of CBD or this one has 5 milligrams of THC . My eyes are raised . I look down at my watch , it says 1045am “ Nah,Nah,Nah ….I don’t want anything right now , but thank you for offering .”,I say . “Sir , this is an offering from the church . If you want to enter you must take the offering .” Ya serious , it’s just that it’s early and I have every intention of purchasing anyway .” “ Sorry sir, this is our church policy .” I step in and take the CBD candy from the smiling girl and throw it down the hatch . “ Charlie you can take him through now . Oh but before you go through would you like to do a yoga session ?We have one currently in the back room . You are welcome to slip through the curtain and join .” “Ahh , no thanks I’m happy to just have a look at what you’ve got .” I reply .
The security guard opens the door into a darkened room , actually it’s pretty bloody dark . There’s a black curtain that acts as a divide . Sure enough I can hear a gentle urging from a female voice . Yep , there really is a yoga session going on back here . Can it get any stranger ?
The security guard opens the door . I enter into a clinical white rectangular room . My eyes blink to adjust to the surgical lighting . There’s a counter with an assortment of packaged goods ,behind it stand 3 girls . Across the room stands your classic cliche stoner , a skinny old dude that was a dead ringer for Willie Nelson . The girls greet me with a smile ( masks on ) . One approaches and asks if I’m high tolerant and would I be interested in flower or edibles ? I laugh …” Don’t worry I used to be but I’m only interested in something mild for a camping trip . There’s kids going so I don’t want anything that will be smoked . “After selecting my edibles the girl tells me that today the church is offering every member a free offering . “Nah , Nah ,I’m good . I’m happy with what I’ve got .” “Sir , this is a church offering .” the young girl insists . “But I don’t want anything else , I’m happy with what I’ve got .” “ Sir , this is an offering , I can’t serve you without taking your free offering .” I laugh .. “Ok . I’ll grab a piece of cake from the fridge . It’s packaged in a well sealed plastic container . It is actually very well presented and looks like a beautiful piece of cake . As I approach the counter the young girl looks over at the conveniently placed eftpos machine and tells me the church would happily take a cash donation for the gift that I was about to receive . Sure enough I pay cash , drop an extra $5 tip in the jar and walk out . I laugh to myself … “Geezus , what was that all about I ask myself .”
I had that bit of cake at 9pm the next night . Shit , this campfire is starting to do the trick . I think I’ll stare at if for the next or hour or so .
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