I follow my guide up the stairs , across the vast an impressive mezzanine floor into a side door that leads to a smaller room that would be 15 m long and wide . There’s ropes on the floor , kettle bells ,with pieces of paper stuck on a mirror with instructions to some sort of relay race . Guys and girls wander in , all Uber fit , the guys are jacked up , the girls are Amazonian . Fuck , what I have I got myself into . Management comes in , the trainers spread out over the back wall . There’s a short discussion on the previous month and then a congratulatory salute to the team ….. and then there’s me . A pause ……… “Ok , we’ve got an announcement to make , we’ve got a new guy , he’ll be starting next week , so let’s hear him tell us a little about himself .”………..Holy fuck , I walk into the middle of the floor .
I sit back on the wall and watch dudes with square cut jaws , bodies straight out of Bachelor in Paradise , the type of figures you’d see On the Biggest Loser motivating and pushing their over weight victims to breaking point . Yep , I unfortunately had to watch such terrible crap , that’s what happens when your married .These will soon be my people , I will rely on them to work the floor , to bring business through my area . I watch the team bonding , the happy vibe of very fit people competing against each other to celebrate another successful month …… me I’m thinking how a bout we celebrate with a beer ……… them , sweat is the sweet champagne they covet . It’s dawning on me pretty quick , I’m probably gonna have to be aiming at looking at my very best , all the time . That’s uplifting ,but shit I’ve just tried that earlier this year and it was just plain tough , plus I was looking forward to the weekend when I can get back on it .
Each person has a small dossier on the wall that shows their qualifications . Nutritionists , bachelors of science in human movement , bachelors in health ,you name it and these highly motivated individuals have it .I glance over their expertise ,the sense of dread sets in …. Fuckn hell old boy this is real , no building site talk here it’s all about the body perfect , carbs , proteins ,isometric stretches , repetitions ,calorie counts and another thousand terms that I’ll soon be familiar with . It’s all happy shiny people .
I walk past reception , the beautiful young girl says ” Have a great day Troy , we are so happy that you’ll be joining us “….. I nod and smile and thank her , all the while wondering if this is really happening , to me , an Aussie bloke at 49 years of age in this the flashiest of locations , the modern shiny front door closing behind me leading into the manicured gardens and clean quiet restaurant strip of this very wealthy suburb , tucked away from the maddening crowd of LA . I text Emma to tell her the run down . ” Shit darl , I’m gonna have to get my haircut every 3 weeks , shave every 2nd day , cutout the alcohol and junk food and maybe even consider Botox . ” 🤣🤣🤣, Emma replies . I look over at Leroy with his bag of chips …”Shit give me some of those .” I better take what I can now as by this time next week it’ll be protein snacks and tofu rolls ………….After 2 years and 4 months I start work on Monday , I never would’ve envisaged it’d be here .
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