First of all , Aussie rules footy . They don’t know it and a lot of the Yanks actually havn’t heard of it . It isn’t a surprise that it’s not on the radar but to think they have no picture or clue of its scope in Australia is a shock . What is a surprise is that Rugby Union is the game that the Yanks think is our national game . College is big and this is where rugby has its foothold . It’s a popular college sport . This is where it feeds down into senior high school , as it is often introduced here . There’s an assumption that this is the game that is dominant in Australia . I ‘l often get asked if Aussie Rules is rugby . I shake my head and tell them that perception is sacrelege . Occasionally they’l reply , “Oh is that where the big crowds watch your football .” Yes !! This morning I’m watching the news and the weatherman is talking about his childhood love of thanksgiving pie . He tells the story of his dad actually buying a pie with mince meat in it . He cringes , with a shiver and says “ewww . “The two lead news hosts look at each other with a horrified look and shake their head . The idea of putting meat or savoury ingredients into a pie is met with shock and disgust . Don’t get excited Aussies , the idea of having a pie at the footy and downing a mid strength Carlton spreading to the US is light years away .

“Excuse me mate, I’m looking for puff pastry.” ……….,,.,……………..??????? “Pastry mate. You know , the stuff you put on the bottom of the pie . The crust . ” “Oh ……. sir you’re after ice cream ” . “No , I’m after the batter you make a Pie with . ” Oh excuse me sir , you making tamales ?” “No , I’m making sausage rolls “. ……… He’s got no idea what I’m talking about . I even show him the online picture of the item that Target ( his employer) has apparently in stock . ” Never seen it before , sir . You can try to find it in the frozen stock area . ” No shit , Sherlock ” , I mumble . “Excuse me sir ” …. “Never mind mate “………….. “It’s all cool ,thanks for your help “. This is a very normal encounter for me when shopping . The language barrier is too great . I only speak English . Pastry is hard to find . It’s used for sweet pies, only . Emma s work has a Thanks Giving banquet where each person brings in traditional food . For us it’s sausage rolls and Anzac biscuits . I know it’s out there (Ralph’s , I’m told later , the only joint I didn’t go to …. of course)but after checking 5 locations I head into Wholefoods , the Mecca of gourmet produce . “Excuse me , can you tell me where I could find puff pastry”……………… ???? “Do you mean ice cream sir ” This is the moment I put myself in Russel Crowes shoes and look for a telephone to smash over the guys head . ” No mate . …. I’m looking for pastry sheets to make pies with “. “Sheets sir ? Do you mean Manchester ? ” I start laughing . This place only sells food for a start , as if I’d be asking for sheets , for Christ sake . “Never mind , thanks for your help buddy , I think i’l find it . “I eventually made the sausage rolls from scrap . The pastry was too rich and I don’t like it , but it’s probably the type of taste the yanks will love . ( I hope) . The Anzac biscuits weren’t easy . Couldn’t find golden syrup .Butter,maple syrup and brown sugar are expensive . It’s the little things that you know well that don’t translate to the US that frustrate you . Add a bit of Aussie lingo into the mix and you’ve practically got a brick wall in front of you .

Do the time ….. Coffee , there’s a few joints out there I’m told. I’m not a connoisseur or an expert but i’l back my judgement . Espresso , latte, or cappuccino. Got to be strong , not too hot ( burnt /bitter)and the nutty taste that hides in there has to show . One sugar on the 1st , if you back up ,none on the 2nd. Emma keeps at me to hit 2Guns Espresso. It’s the place , always crowded and ran by Kiwis . I occasionally drive past and think about it , but there are queues out the door .On Sunday Emma surprised me and pulled in there and said ” you gotta get their coffee , everyone says it’s the best .” Ok , it looks quiet . Only a few cars and no queue out the door . I waltz in , about face and head back to the car . 6 in the queue and 10 waiting . I feel like that little kid having a sulk ,kicking his ball along the ground .I can’t do it , 16people . No . The Dalai Lama could be in there but I’m not waiting for 16 people . This is reality in LA . Queues are normal .The joints crammed , too many people live here . If it’s above average they swamp it , actually even it s below average they’l swamp it .Emma says , “What’s the matter ? This is what you have to do here . Don’t you want good coffee? It’ll only take 15 minutes .” “Nup “, won’t do it . Fuck it “. She looks at me and laughs . Fuckn bitch , now I’m sulking . It’s been 7 months , but the crowds , queues , the hustle and the waiting ……. Can’t stand it . I’l sook it and go without .

It’s cliche , but they’re mesmerising . These animals are explosive . Putting on a show , letting you see their scintillating speed . The oceans acrobats , but that’s underselling them . Theirs cheek and humour rolled into their extraordinary power . Yeah guys we know your better than us . It really feels that they get in close to show off . Dolphins are back in numbers , as the water cools they are becoming more prevalent, as are the schools of bait fish . The water temperature has dropped 2 degrees in just over a week .A chill arcs down the centre of your back when you enter the water , after 45 minutes the chill creeps in under your armpits and spreads . It’s ok , you stay comfortable by not thinking about it . There’s a drag in the water and you can feel yourself drawing out , a set of bigger waves approach . From the corner of your eye you see ‘m charge , piercing through the line up , threatening for an instant , before you realise it’s those regular pranksters. Jagging off just before the waves break , they vanish .Behind it another wave approaches and here comes the next duet . This time I’m charging straight at them , trying to dig deep to claw under the lip . As I duck dive my eyes are as wide as I can spread them , surely these beasts are gonna turn.I dive ,a flash of white zings both left and right . They’re gone , out of sight . The next wave approaches and I put the big ones in but I’m not gonna get it . The young bloke a couple of meters down turns, takes off and at that very split second two dark shapes split between the two of us . A bulge breaks off behind while his buddy explodes straight out of the water in front of the kid . There’s a whoahhh ” echoed by a few of us in the water ., followed by laughter and shaking of the head .”Mate , I bet you didn’t think you were about to get dropped in and then get an aerial thrown in your face by a dolphin “, I shout at the kid . He looks at me incredulously and shakes his head . I don’t even think he understood a word I said but he still knew what I meant .This is the sort of stuff you see in a YouTube video or on the news . You would never of expected to see this on LA beaches , but it is common . They’re used to people and are obviously not threatened , it’s probably the only place you’re gonna run into wildlife in LA . Yeah , I know this is not unique but have you ever heard of wild dolphins , seals and marine life as an attraction for tourists when you consider LA? ….. No , I reckon it’s the best thing you’l see . You can have Disneyland and the Hollywood sign … while a few of us lucky ones see the real show .

Red light cameras do exist in a few locations close to central LA .Im told by a parent that they are only a deterrent as you actually can’t be fined , true .😛😛. They were taken to court ( of course ) and it was found in favour of the driver . You can’t rely on a photo to prove I was going through a red light. You have to be caught by the police . The penalties are surprisingly similar to those in Victoria , once caught . That is the big if . The amount of fatalities seen on the news where people have ran red lights is off the scale . It’s dark , what are the odds , fuck it I’m going through . I need a piss bad as that 6 pack has really got me in need of taking the horses for a drink . It reminds me of Melbourne in the 90s , actually a lot of things are like that here .The odds of beating the system are good here , just don’t get caught . Or worse don’t kill someone other than yourself. It’s loose here but if you cheat and kill someone you’re going to jail for a long time . Once caught they don’t fuck around . Good behaviour and “I was depressed or on drugs” don’t count . You pay .

“Dad , I told you we do it every couple of months !!” Say what ? “Are you stupid , that just doesn’t happen at that school , we all do it .Yeah , we do this drill where we lock the door to our classroom and then barricade the door with the heaviest furniture we can move . We then get to the back corner and build a barrier out of the desks . We then all bunch up and hide behind it . It was funny though as my mate farted when we were trying to be quiet . Everybody erupted into laughter . “. This is what Tex’s school practices. ‘The Active Shooter Drill ‘. It sounds ridiculous but just this week it almost certainly saved a school in Northern California from a massacre. A deranged father decided that the world wasn’t worth living in . After killing 4 people including his wife he thought he would go to his kids school for some last hours on earth shooting practice. The teachers saw him get out of his truck with his arsenal and quickly got the kids inside before setting up the ‘barricade ‘. Amazingly it worked , buying enough time for the police to get in and kill him . Leroys school also practices this drill …… It’s an essential prerequisite to any school in the States to have a thorough Active Shooter plan . A shocking necessity ,but a fact of life . It’s the perfect revenge on the world exit , shoot up a school and make everybody pay for your pain . And then shoot yourself . It’s the new trend .

I’ve only got a small sample to to work from , but it ties in with my suspicion . The yanks are much tougher than I thought . I think they push first and then add technique and skill second .Take Leroys swimming , he has to scramble up and down that pool first before his stroke is then refined . Back in Mornington it was the opposite , and it frustrated me know end watching your kid stuck at a certain level because their arm wasn’t in the right position . Leroys teacher came to me to ask my permission to push him harder , to jump on his excuses and to get him to push himself to get up and back in the pool . Leroy went through a couple of weeks of anxiety and didn’t want to be there . It was uncomfortable to watch , I had my doubts Soon as he lifted and fought a bit harder his attitude shifted 180 degrees . So has his swimming . It wouldn’t have been the route taken back in Aus . A slowly , slowly approach with a softer tone would’ve been the way .I’ve got no doubt he would be well ahead of where he’d be in Mornington . Tennis is a similar story , it’s hitting balls repetitively for an hour straight with their coach continually tinkering with their stroke so as it moulds into the right form . Back home there was a lot of analysis and drills without hitting balls . As I blogged previously bball wasn’t refereed to the letter of the law . The kids were encouraged to compete and to work hard without fear of being penalised for technicalities . The kids are encouraged to have fun but competition is an underlying fundamental to the American psyche . Don’t underestimate the Yanks when it comes to world sport , they are tough and we Aussies don’t really know it . From an early age the kids are fine tuned to beat each other . I’ve got a lot of admiration for their competitive instinct , I think it’s why they beat us in the pool at the Olympics. They’re not mollycoddled or shielded from the pressure . Sure it’s a big country and that is a massive factor when it comes to their dominance but by the time their top athletes have fought their way to the top they are as tough as nails . On a side note the hype on Ben Simmons is obviously big in Aus , it has been more subdued here , until now .He is now a hot topic of discussion as being the best rookie ever . Comparisons to even Lebron are being made . Dare I say it ….. Simmons is on the cusp of being Australia’s best ever basketballer but bigger than that he might be our most famous sportsman of all time . The hype is coming and they think he’s the next superstar of American sport .

I’ l be fuckn danged . Dang that looks good . Dang it , I’ve really fucked up this time . You know what I’m talking about , that holiest of words . … Dang you to hell you mother fucker . I’m laughing cause surely there’s not a word as stupid as dang . You see dang is the word they’ve replaced damned with . There , I’ve said it .It is highly offensive to use the word damn in the United States ……. I’m not kidding . The Bible Belt has a strong enough hold on this country to keep political correctness from using the word damned . Apparently this is one of the worst things you can be called . Tex got pulled up in class for saying ‘damn it’. He was told it was highly inappropriate and plain offensive and was told to apologise. I’m laughing at the absurdity of it all . Replacing one word with another that sounds the same and means the same but doesn’t get you in trouble .Just get to the point ; dang you mother fuckers can be so stupid with your political correctness. God dang it . ……. Dang, it’s another beautiful day ciao

Did you know that the US schooling system prepares their kids for testing for a approximately one third of their year . That’s 3 months of each year dedicated to exams . Is it right ? Who knows? This gives you a snap shot of the American psyche . Kids are geared up early to compete . It produces exceptional, innovative and World leading professionals . I just worry about those who are not good enough or smart enough . The homework and the push for a strong work ethic around schooling is daunting . The pressure on the kids to perform is intense and looks to be escalating. It’s the American way . Right here in California we are in the belly of the beast . We’re in the midst of an education arms race .Im all for a smarter society but the slant towards high scores and desired college destinations is only going to work for some . The rest … the scrap heap . There’s already a view that a lot of kids have degrees that won’t employ them , but you must get to a college . You must .

“Yeah , I think i’l go the fried chicken Vons Speshl thanks . Yeah mate the … chicken . ….. the fried chicken bits just there dude . Oh , you got no idea what I’m saying . “I point at the chicken and the sign which says 8 pieces of deep fried chicken for $4.99 ( cheap )The little Mexican dude looks at me with one eye brow raised , he’s either confused or thinks I’m taking the piss out of him . Eventually I use sign language , 8 fingers and then pointing at the chicken . He thinks I’m making fun of him , implying that he can’t count . “Nah mate it’s all cool , I just want the …… chicken ……… special . ” Sir you wan fry or grill ? “Just the fried thanks chief” He pauses and pulls his head back and stares me down for a second . I’m laughing now , just stretching it a bit . I get it , they can’t understand me as they find the accent too strong . I apologise for my accent and he replies that it very strong . I finally get the chicken and tell him it looks grouse … No idea . I ran into our neighbour and say hello , how’s “Wilson “? ( her Dog) Ohh heees fine thank you . “Is he named after the volleyball from Castaway ?”I ask ..She doesn’t understand a word I’m saying . Emma tells me to slow down . I repeat myself .She replies that the dog is named after her late father . “Oh I thought he’s head looks a bit like a volleyball n all and ya must’ve named him after wilson . ” I’m being a bit of a smart arse and I reckon it’s quite funny , but Lisa stands there . The humour and the accent flies straight over the top of her . Emma gives me a quick elbow to the ribs and we say good bye ,hope you have a nice day “. Our humour coupled with my accent makes me unintelligible….,,,,, Love it .