The World Series is on free to air . Seems I missed it when I scoured the 100 odd channels . If a channel has adds on it gets skipped , a very common occurrence. Last night I decided to sit down and watch a full game of baseball for the first time .Game 5 of the World Series. I’ve been a critic , they play it too much . 160plus games if you make it to the play offs is overload and dilutes the product . I’ve adopted the Dodgers, at first a token gesture, but now I admit there is some type of hold . Last night Emma sat on the edge of the couch and laughed at me as I fidgeted and chewed my nails . Fuck Howie , this isn’t Stkilda it’s the LA Dodgers , theyre powerful , rich and successful. No ,the Dodgers have been good lately but no championship since 1988.There opponents the Huston Astros haven’t won anything in 56 years . I can’t say that I really like baseball but last night was the dream (almost) introduction . The best two teams ; Houston the best hitters , Dodgers best pitchers . They are arguing today that it was the greatest game in World Series history . It was as engrossing a spectacle as I’ve seen in American sport . Awesome game , awesome tension , nerve racking and a sense that the result would be fatalistic for the Dodgers. 13  to 12 win to the Astros with the last play , had to be . … Wow , that was gripping . You’ve got to check this out on you tube .   Baseball , … I’m coming around . By the time Leroy starts playing I might be hooked .

Last couple of days I’ve ran into me old mate Gabe (the dude who plays Peter in Heartland ) . Each time we run into each other he forgets my name . That’s a shock . What’s not a shock is I never remember his. I dunno what it is but he seems to gravitate to me . Of course this should give me confidence but on the contrary it’s a reminder of how well I’m formed . I swear we look like twins , and I’m sure that’s why all the women stare our way when we stride into school together . Gabe is 6 foot 4 and is one of those beautiful men with a body that is cut like a fine Swiss Army knife. I felt good until I looked down at our shadows and realised I saw myself as that orangutan from’ Every which way but loose’, with Gabe as Clint Eastwood . WTF!! Now I’m having second thoughts . Can I really join his entourage? …., Maybe I could be like a human sort of pet .  Fame sucks 

I’ve rejected all walk requests this week as the Steidle family are here from Aus . Today I picked up old Slater , an old husky boy . I slipped in a quick request dog walk . Now old Slats was a pleasure to walk . He’s a big strong boy with a lovely nature . I knew early on in the walk that big boy was loosening up , as the odd waft of marinated chum emitted in my direction . I’m an inconsistent guy when it comes to gut strength . Some days , ahh…, fuck it ,    rare days I can take the smell of excrement and keep on whistling Dixy . Today should of been the same . What I normally like to do is keep on walking if my dog has to drop an egg off , or at the very least pretend I’m picking it up . Now I’m decked out in my WAG t shirt I have to be responsible and grown up and pick up . To be seen not doing it could see a complaint , as WAG monitors my phone and can match me up against a complaint in a certain location . So ,eventually Slater drops off 3 large style chocolate logs.I gotta pick it up as a young mum with pram is approaching . I got 2 in the bag but I need another bag for the other 1 .Just as mum approaches ,old Slater boy pulls hard to get a pat from mum . In the process he’s pulled me back and I’ve stepped in his shit .Of course  mum stops with pram and gives Slats a pat and asks about the good old boy .” Yeah, yeah he’s a great old dog “I say , but before I could continue I get an involuntary need to dry retch and then pretend to burp , excusing myself . Mum looks at my turd covered shoe and smiles pauses and says , “have a nice day”. I then have to use the bag to clean up what’s left but I can’t as I get multiple stomach cramps and dry retch repeatedly . Slats then gives my face a big lick as I’m down at my knees . .,,,, Fuck it Slats let’s leave that shit and keep walking before I faint , shall we . I do my best to clean up my shoe and then I’ve gotta discreetly drop of Slats work in a passing bin . Security is big here ,so you get paranoid that someone’s security camera will catch you in the act . As I write this I’m sweating up ,little wafts of Slater slide up off my break peddle and I’m swallowing hard . Fuck it I can’t elaborate anymore …….   ……, Next walk I’m gonna rub Vicks under my nose . 

Cool change has crept in , its now 36 degrees . I’ve been sceptical of LA s sporting credentials .Yesterday the Dodgers won game one of the World Series . $3300 a ticket to see game 1 . 53000 packed into Dodgers stadium in 40 degree heat . The hottest play off temperature ever recorded .You can only imagine how hot it would of been in the stadium.The joint has gone nuts in anticipation that the Dodgers will break a 29 year drought and become world champions . Yeah , I know … world champions?We ate out last night and the bars were pumping . Tv screens on , everything decked out in blue , parties on at people’s houses as they watched game 1 ,and on a Monday night .Every game (160 ) has been free to air , even the first round of play offs and then it was switched off . It’s now pay per view to see the finale . I’m hoping this doesn’t come to Australia .It gave me the shits as it was on every night , now when you’re interested in watching it you’ve got to pay .Will they win ? … I think they will . I tried to line them up with Richmond , as their history matched up , but in reality this team has the highest paid roster at  240 million dollars a season . They’ve been the best performed all year and are the overwhelming favourite.Its all blue and Dodger fever . There’s still a defeatist feel about their supporters but they are gonna go nuts if they win . Think Richmond and tens times it when and if they celebrate . The streets are gonna get torn up , it’ll be like Guy Fawkes  night .LA is pretty much a one team town , it’s new to a Melbournian . Halloween and a Dodgers win , it’s gonna be scary 

Summer passed 32 days ago .The rare clear air that has graced us has been beaten off by the familiar LA haze . It’s hot , not a good vibe hot , but an oppressive nicotine layered swelter .You know the feeling . You get out of bed and you’ve slept poorly , tossed and turned and constantly kicked the doona off and then inched it back on again , only to repeat the process . You walk out onto the balcony and you get those little sparkles of heat pinging away along your back and under your arms . It’s going to be 40 today and we are nearly in the middle of fall . The ocean has stalled , everything slows down here . You’d hate to live in the valley or the massive sprawl of inland LA . They’re gonna suffer . You feel sorry for the construction workers or anyone who does physical labour . They have little rights and are clothed head to toe . There’s little protection, no trees and vast swathes of concrete . When it gets like this it’s depressing.The last 10 days have been broken in half by a brief 2 day cool off in the middle ,but then back to the business of the close down . The heat waves are dry and slow moving , there’s little wind to push them through . It’s just wait out time . Thursday and we should be back to mid to high 20s and on our normal roster . Once you get over the next ridge on this photo below , you’re  in the furnace .  Imagine it reaching 40 in Melbourne 32 days after summer , you’re talking April and the beginning of the footy season . Just a cloud , please . Some wind , something other than blue sky and brown haze .  Please ……

The water has just developed a sting , an icy tingle at first touch . The air is still dry , fucking hot actually . Everyone is sick of it . Santa Anna’s they call them . Gentle inland winds that blow off shore . Like the northerlies you get in Melbourne they stroke the desert heat back towards the coast. Not as fierce and penetrating as those  ugly summer days in Melbourne , these conditions are more the slow burn . Summer has passed 30 days now but you wouldn’t know it . The ocean has given the first clues up, it’s getting colder . There has been surf , intermittent but 2 to 3 days a week is better than 2 to 3 days a month .Ive not been a believer .Aussies are just better , braver , tougher . This joint is too fickle , not many guys are that good . Waves that are pretend . It’s soft here . Of course there was going to be a day when the correction came . Howie pull your ego in , you’re  just an honest toiler , and 47 for Christs sake.Just cause you’re an Aussie doesn’t mean you’re Mick Fanning . The stars aligned . Off shore Santa Anna’s (all day and no sea breezes)and a mix of unpredictable swell conditions . 30 m from shore and you’ve got 1 to 2 foot dribblers , with intermittent 4 to 5 foot busses rolling in from the south .Ocasionally you’d get the swell mixed together , which broke it up enough to actually grab something fulfilling.You look back at shore and the sun is blinding , rising inland from the west.The take offs are steep and hollow , immediate . I’ve had this joint to myself for half an hour . Out of the blur a dude bobs up out of know where , paddles deep inside . Fucker . What’s his game ?Looks like a poindexter  with an old wetsuit. A bus rolls through and it’s unridable , hollow , vicious , a board breaker . Poindy starts paddling . ‘Fuckers gonna get pumped ‘ . Poindy gets up , pulls in under the lip on take off and then flys down the line . Shit,  I’m directly in his path . I freeze , he eats up 20 m in seconds and then launches into a 360 degree aerial and lands it !No word of a lie , this guy has just surfed better than I have ever seen anyone in my life whilst being in the water at the same time .Fuck , I better leave this guy to it then , shouldn’t I ?He ends up drifting down the line , leaving it with me . Fuck it , I’m gonna paddle into where he was and get one of those fuckers . I gotta do it . Several come through and I shit myself , pulling out each time . These waves are out of a surf magazine ,  thick , powerful and dangerous . It goes from 8 feet deep to 3 feet deep in a matter of meters . Plus you have a backwash that charges back at you as you try and take off whilst blinded by the sun . …. I’m all in , I go but at the last second I pull out , not gonna make it . I look back and that’s when you realise that hesitation doesn’t pay . The biggest, fattest fuckn bus waltzs in . I scramble, but as a surfer it’s one of those nasty ones you’ve gotta take on the head and just hang on .I dive deep and for a split second I’ve slipped underneath . Na, … you’re old and not that good dude . It’s time to pay . Golden rule : hang on to your board .In an instant I’ve done a 360 underwater , eyes closed , realax . 2 seconds , I realise the boards pressed to my chest and my back is pinned to the sand . Ok , I’m outta of here , but nup I can’t get my foot on the sand to push up as I’m dragging along the bottom.I look up and it’s black . Fuck it’s panic stations now . No composure , i’m fighting like a dog to get up . I finally hook my foot underneath my bum and squat up as hard as I can . I’m on the surface and gasping , sparkles in my eyes , disoriented .I stand up and it’s only chest deep and I’ve been pushed to within 15 m of shore .Near fuckn fainted . Not Fiji , Gunamatta or Indo , a shore break in the tamest joint going . ……,. You look at those magazines and see those guys and picture it being you . Today I saw one of those guys and I learned the hard way . 47 year old caulkers from Australia are not those guys . I take it back . They surf good and just occasionally the waves bite back , LA style .

You lay in bed and you know it. It’s not 1st light but there’s a murmur , a white noise . It’s there .I’m dusty , I wanna get up but I need my servants to carry me out to the lounge room and deliver me a strong Australian latte , with an egg and bacon roll , whilst massaging my shoulders and head . The clues are there , the gut feel is finely tuned , since I’ve got here my sixth senses have sharpened . It’s what happens when you’re removed from friends , and the familiarities of home . You talk to yourself a lot , you’re  attuned to  your surroundings , observation has become heightened. I get a dirty coffee and an over ripe banana down.Wetsuit on , board under arm , I creep out the front door . You walk down the street and feel like a knob , wetsuit and board whist walking through built up suburbia. You could easily be walking through the back of Collingwood . You’re not , this is California . 400 m later and your on the shoreline .Its breathless , there’s a pulse slicing through . I’m not convinced but then the first of the suns rays hit my back , a brilliant golden sparkle creeps across the sand . In minutes the day is transformed , this is a magnificent fall day . It will get hot, you know that .There is no smog , no breeze , the horizon is so large but so close , the mountains of Malibu crowd in on the bay . It can never compete with Australias natural beauty but occasionally this place can sparkle , true Hollywood style . Today California was putting on a show . Optimism is high , Emma’s sister and family are flying in . I look straight out and I visualise the little piece of metal closing in on the rising sun . They’l be getting breakfast , opening their window shutters and looking down at the Pacific . I’m about to get in it . The surf is pumping , joggers are hitting the sand , group training sessions are gathering , yoga , meditation, photographers , people are gathering in the pier to get in position to watch the surfers below ,its straight out of a Californian advertisement . It’s so much brighter here on certain days . I thinks its the lack of foliage , the density and the love of painting in biege , yellows and pastels.The sun reflects off it . Today , SoCal has has laid down the golden carpet for our next arrivals ………… Welcome Steidels 

I’m bashing up on it . Sometimes you see something and you’ve got to pinch yourself.Surely this is a joke , isn’t it ? …., No it’s true and it’s eyebrow raising and in a sad sense it’s hilarious . Take my little booklet below as an example.Read it carefully . I always thought Eddie the Eagle was that snow jumper dude that was no good but loved , not some rooster that taught gun awareness . Sacramento ( the capital of California)signed a law last Saturday to prevent school superintendents from allowing their employees ( yes , teachers) from bringing concealed weapons into the class room . 5 districts already allowed this . Of course teachers are made from different DNA stock and don’t suffer from the same afflictions that the rest of us do . A teacher getting angry , real angry , fucked up angry , ever? Until it happens . Why can’t it ?Its just another tragedy on the horizon . Now the poor doctors are being urged to tackle the question . Do you take drugs? Do you eat too much ? How many alcoholic drinks do you have ? …… Have you got guns at home ?….And this is the stupid bit , counsel them on good gun behaviour .Fuck that , why get shot yourself . Soon the doctors are gonna have to carry a glock along side their stethoscope. It’s true , the evolution of gun ownership has unlocked a myriad of educational issues . It’s gone too far ,  there’s no turning back , there is now unintended consequences . It’s everybody’s problem ; cops , hospitals , teachers and even doctors ……….  Am I really living in this place ? 

Edaucation is a wild animal in the state of California .Like Australia there is schooling that will help  your child get ahead , mainly private schools and some public schools . Here it’s a little different . There is huge fluctuations . Some public schools , actually a lot, produce pass marks in English and maths that are well below 50%. Lower socio economic areas are a factor but funding seems to strike at the core . It is a shock to everything you’ve always been accustomed to as an Aussie . Last night Emma and I were shown a heap of stats and facts about funding and success rates in Californian schools . Independence and deregulation is big here but I am blown away that public schools in heavily populated counties regularly produce results that are unsatisfactory.It wouldn’t be allowed back in Australia, these schools would be put in administration . Hermosa Beach is the least funded school in the state . It also is one of the best performing. The short fall is made up by the parents . Fundraising. It is a relentless cycle of events , petitions , collections , galas and requests that invade your kids school bag on a weekly occurrence. I was drinking a few nice IPAs last night so I may be  a bit cloudy with my facts , but the parents in Hermosa are relied upon to raise 1. 4 million dollars each year to fund their school . There is a pressure to donate and to volunteer that I havn’t experienced. It’s a noble cause but there are problems . Not every one can afford it , and the women who chair the fundraising committee know who does donate and how much. It’s an expensive part of the world to live , a large section of the community rent. $50 000 would be a reasonable annual amount paid on rent alone for most families . It is a shock to then realise that your public school is really not ran this way . It is private in a real sense , as it relys largely on private funds . Almost every week that spare $100 you thought you could spend at a nice restaraunt is sliced and diced into raffle tickets , more crayons and materials and a never ending request for petty cash . It’s eye rolling stuff but what do you do ? There feels an undercurrent of ‘name and shame ‘ to those who don’t commit . Education is critical , it’s college or hamburger flipping . No in between . Self preservation and relentlessly rattling tins is a way of life here . It’s the only way to keep your kids ahead of the pack.

Yeah you can probably imagine that the breeding is strictly monitored here .Theres plenty of well managed hens on the block in Hermosa Beach . Tennis and skinny almond milk frappucinos are popular .Beauty salons are everywhere and busy .The niggle comes when talking about the men . Does anyone drink beer , knock down a burger or bend over and show a bit of arse crack ?Does no one go grey or have a forehead full of wrinkles . Do they not swear and curse when they’ve blown 20 on the nags at Hollywood park ? No , this is all new age sensitive guy territory. I’ve seen a few dads at school in their surgeons scrubs , suits , their designer beards and chinos.Where’s the bloke who slips in the odd profanity , scratches his balls , messes up a passing kids hairdo and winks at the teacher ? Not here I can tell you . Even at Leroys bball try out you scope the other dads , but arrrgh there’s more dads with buffed chests and big biceps bulging out of tight apricot tshirts ,in designer jeans and boat shoes . I thought I was in good nick but I must be doing something wrong , cause not only are these guys good looking but they must live on protein shakes and carry a set of scales around with them . Even the dude that looks a bit rough , the melons a bit wobbly, but he stands up and there it isn’t . This fucker should have a beer gut , but no he’s on the treadmill eating carrots while he watches the football .Then when the odd introduction comes along it’s like your talking to some soft talking , psychologist or nutritionist who looks you straight in the eye and has the ‘world is great ‘smile glued on . Can I ask ? Please would it be appropriate if I complimented him on his perfect brown auburn hair and shiny face ? Tonight Emma and I are going to a school parents get together to introduce ourselves to the other parents at Leroy s school .I have had enough of roosters , please let there be some grey pigeons or chewed up old cockies and god forbid …. a slab of cans in the esky .