This place is hot all the time , never cloudy . There is a haze that often blurs the horizon.Summer time sees the waves pretty much disappear from LAs beaches . Concrete , render and hard edges everywhere .You drive a couple miles inland and its flat , it’s all yellow . Miles of powerlines and biege square dwellings . What do they all do out here ? Tex has got me out to take him to skate parks . It’s close to 35 degrees regularly , but I can see what some do . Skateboarding is big here . I’m not a skater , can’t skate at all , but I can see talent . There’s kids and adults that are seriously fuckn good . I’m not just saying landing the odd big trick after 8 attempts . I’m seeing dudes flying off ramps , performing feats and then landing and repeating the process . I’m not an expert and I’m not going to make an outrageous claim but I have a suspicion that there would be a high concentration of ridiculously good skaters in this area . What you do notice is the age of the skateboarders , all ages and a concentration that I havn’t seen in Australia .The old dudes ride cruisers and just get around , but don’t be fooled , there is heaps of them . The skateparks are like furnaces , the skaters in jeans and saturated with sweat but the numbers of quality skaters is eye popping .Its hard nosed ,you can sense that but out in the concrete jungle it’s one place they can escape and get some joy . I have dropped Tex and his mates off in a few of them . Yes there is slight sense of trepidation.We all know fuckwits can congregate in places like these but you trust that there is the odd older dude around to make sure everything is fair . Tex rang me up to pick him up last time because some dude was trying to sell dope to everyone . You sense that these skate parks are tough breeding grounds for gun skaters but they also bring their perils . Yeah I’ve gotta say it , skaters are hardcore , especially here .

I’ve told you it was hard to get caught drink driving . .08 is the limit and then they must sobriety test you before bringing you back to be tested . I did here from Dr. Phil ( another one of my daytime buddies. Used to hate him too)it takes on average 80 drink drives before a drunk driver is caught in California. Over 30% of all crashes ,alcohol is involved . I’ve never seen or heard of booze buses or roads that are cordoned off for random testing . The rate of hit and run crashes seen on the news is amazing . We know why they run . It’s better to turn yourself in next day and just say you panicked and that you’re sorry.I just read recently that a lot of citys  (municipalities) the police are not allowed to radar test for speeding . Serious!I told you this is the land of the free .Each city has to sign up and pay for a feasibility study on their accuracy and need . It is costly , resulting in many police services not equipped to checking your speed . Compare that to Melbourne and smoke it , preferably green and washed down with your $6 bottle of vodka .The thought that revenue might be raised cannot be mixed with law enforcement when it comes to California. If you don’t drive like a fuckwit you won’t get caught . Simple  

Did you know that the gst ( sales tax over here )is governed by each city . Or to put it in Australian terms ,the municipality that you live in    .7.25 is the base rate of all the sales tax, as this is what the state of California takes . From this point on each City can add on extra to help it garner more funding . Where I live the sales tax is 9.5% . Each city can decide how it approaches this tax . There is a lot out there that havn’t added anything onto the States bottom line. It can be used as a competitive advantage to entice people to spend money in there area .If your buying a car or a luxury item the saving can be substantial if you buy in a certain City .The top rate of tax that I found was 10.25%. It gets more interesting when you find that each state has different taxes on just about everything. California is known as the highest taxed state in America on just about everything .This place is a very expensive part of the world to live in .The state of Oregon to our North has no sales tax . If you want a new boat go to Oregon . The more I started to look into the tax of Americans the more startled I’ve become .There are 7 states without income tax , what ? The problem with this is that other taxes are required , mainly sales and property tax. Of course if you earn well you’re going to spend more and incur taxes but I severely doubt that this system helps the lower class .Alaska has no sales or income tax . It relies on resource royalties . I’m not going there for a well paid job , have you seen Anchorage and those ugly winters ?We live in LA but in reality we are a million miles away from the rest of America .The US is totally derugulated , it’s common practice to use tax or lack of it to attract business. California is ranked 50 for doing business mainly due to its high taxes .Texas is number 1 . Cultural diversity and open mindedness doesn’t count when it comes to money .Big business is heading to Texas and maybe , the Trump states? The US is built on competition. It’s the first thing I noticed when I moved here , it’s cut throat and you’ve got to fight so much harder to get off the bottom. It’s just that some states don’t take it back off you , once you’ve got off the bottom . This place is out there , we don’t realise what a controlled and even spread of wealth and taxes that Australia has . Here’s the alternative , not sure I like it .

Shit , I’m nervous , actually a bit jangled up. I didn’t think I’d be invested in anyone this early .Emma and Leroy are talking to me but I’m not in their world at the moment . I already have a commitment that has created a lot of pain , but  this should be no strings attached . There’s a basic understanding , I get it but it shouldn’t matter . Sean Mcvay , he’s got a magnetism that first pricked my interest . Ok I ‘l check this guy out a bit , but I don’t give a shit . That’s what I first thought . Not now . On moral grounds I declared that I wasn’t gonna get into bed with anyone who moved in from out of town . The LA Rams have chosen me , I didn’t want to admit it , but there it is . Maybe it’s the very first sign of Americanisation .Theyve got the youngest and the most charismatic coach (Sean Mcvay), they’re new to town and I guess that’s what we’ve got in common .I’m gonna stick with them now . They’ve just got over the line as I write and I’m embarrassed to say I’m relieved, yep I’m half glass empty . Fuck it,that’s what happens when you’ve followed St. kilda all your life , but I’m sensing this is different. They smell like winners . The Rams , yeah I’m gonna be riding the new glamour horse and she’s fast and pretty and is …… winning . Get on the Rams !! Now I sound like a wanker … adios amigos .

They love that shit over here , Halloween , Friday the 13 th , the day of the dead and bad luck charms . Horror story’s and myths are part of the American psych. To me it was just another day . Day 2 in the dog walking venture . Sure it’s an inauspicious day but what really could go wrong ?I get the request and you beauty it’s a 1 hour walk 5 ks from home worth $18 . I’m more relaxed today ( fuckn shouldn’t have been) as I arrive in Redondo Beach to pick Lucky up . Fuck , Lucky on Friday the 13th , can there be a bigger Oman? I waltz up to the front door and finger through my check off list , yep all good . Oh shit I didn’t get the code for the lock box .A fault of the app is you can’t retreat back to look over certain steps and I’d jumped the important access bit .Id already notified WAG and the owner of Lucky that I had arrived .I had to ring WAG and admit my error , the thing is it took me 15 minutes to get an answer , now I’m fucking border line late .This is the moment I have lost my composure and have not read some important tips from previous walkers .Big mistake !I get inside and close the door , there’s classical music playing and Lucky is sitting in a cage in a dark alcove at the foot of stairs . She’s a border collie type breed , a bit like Lassie .All cool ,I call her name and cruise over to the cage , she’s growling and barking and is petrified. I get low and look away and offer the back of my hand , I’ve got the lead in the other hand . I slowly unhook the cage door and back off 2 feet ( big fucking mistake!)She eases to the opening and then jumps out at full speed and charges towards the front door .Fuck!!!!! The door is not clipped close it’s just resting against the jam . In an instant Lucky has opened the door with her nose and she’s out on the front lawn . Fuckn geezuz I’m dead and so is Lucky . The fence is low , about 80cm and Lucky can bound over at any minute , we are just 30 m from the busiest road in the Southbay . She’s barking and growling at me and pacing along the fence line .5 of the longest minutes have passed by and I’ve done everything I can to coax her over , she’s not having a bar or me . Oh fuck I’m nearly crying now . Sorry God for not believing you and all but for christs sake help me now . I go to the gate and pretend to leave . Lucky heads to the front door in a closed in porch area . I’ve got Lucky cornered now .I get down low and slide up on my side reassuring her all the way . I show her the lead and inch within touching distance . She then launches in an attempt to jump over me , I try and block her and she bites my hand and makes it back to the front lawn.The bitch has drawn blood but it’s the least of my concern and I’m deciding which truck to jump in front of once Lucky has chosen hers .Its seriously fuckn perilous now as she mounts the fence with her front paws looking for an exit . I quickly jump the fence 1st and that’s when she makes a 2nd attempt to get back inside . This time I’m back and I corner her up against the door . Lucky , this is your lucky day cause youre clipped and we are going walking ! Totally flustered I lock up and realise I’ve left my cap and sunnies inside. Howie don’t you dare go back , keep fucking walking Lucky girl . I didn’t put the bandana on her to get the $1 money shot , she didn’t like that at all . Ok Lucky we’l leave that today.I made sure she did the miles as I needed every yard to calm down .After getting back and gently putting her in the cage I realised she’d pissed all over the porch. Fuck , I’ve gotta cover this up . The owners will know something’s gone down .Theres nothing here but a hose . Too much water will be an obvious cover up . I take my shirt off and wet it with the hose and then scrub the urine stains off . As I do my report the previous walkers notes indicate she has made the same mistake ,but she had the door closed and it took her 5 minutes to corner Lucky in the house before clipping her on.Hmmmm , it’s interesting that certain dogs have had different walkers , now I’m starting to see it . When Lucky comes up again I might be busy .Friday the 13 th……. true?

Yep , finally got that top end job that the states always had in store for me . Dog Walker . After 3 months of background checks WAG finally accepted me into their network. Uber for dog walking ,that’s what I am at the moment . Requests for walks are sent out by message to your phone . From there you accept a request and then the client looks at your pre recorded video and walk history and decides if they want you .I’m learning fast that any walk close to Hermosa Beach is hotly sought after . They immediately go or a locked down by certain walkers . After at least 15 knock backs I finally got 2 walks . The first 1 for a whopping $7.25 for 30 minutes . The 2nd for $15 for 2 dogs in 30 minutes .The 2 dog walk went down pretty easy , although when a dog aggressively barks at you as you get in their front door you’ve got to hold your nerve . The 1 dog walk went a little different . I went and picked’ Rondo ‘up from a stately residence just up the road . I was let in by a guy who leashed him up for me . It was weird , this guru type old guy with long waist length silver hair with 2 male helpers , they might be his sons , I don’t know ,but it was serious money and cliche ‘entourage style in their .Rondo ended up being a pain in the arse . He wanted to get a squirrel so badly he busted out of his harness right next to the road . Halloween was about to come early and I couldn’t get the fucker back .Another dog joined in and had a go at him . Geezuz , I’m really fucking in trouble now . I saw our life savings and house flash before my eyes .I’m gonna get my arsed sued off here when I tell them their dog got off the lead and got in a fight and then ran in front of a car .He eventually ran past me and I jumped on him and pinned him down . You’re not getn away from me now Rondo you little c;;/t I can think of an easier way of earning $7.25 . Yep ,Aussie Howie is always organised . I told them Rondo boy was a pleasure to walk and I’d do it again ( pigs arse ) . 

Summer officially left us on September 22 .Fall is now upon us but you’d hardly know it , until today . It would probably be a freezing 20 to 22 degrees today , I’m even considering a long sleeve shirt .On December 21 we will enter the winter cycle . The seasons in the US are attached to the equinox dates , not the monthly calendar . I told you they do it their way .It has cooled off a bit . It feels a little more like May , there’s actually a cloud or two in the sky . The ocean looks a bit bigger , its blue has got deeper . The full piece wetsuit is more comfortable , although you can still surf in boardshorts in mid afternoon .The weather patterns are starting to shift . The first of the low pressure systems that spin off Canada and Alaska are heading east out into the Pacific Ocean , before drifting down the coast and limping into California . It sounds grand but these Lows only drop the temperature a couple of degrees and it isn’t the grey cloud formations you see in Melbourne or a lot of Australia , no drizzle or gusty cold southerly winds . The ocean fog has re emerged , not nearly as consistent as its big brothers ‘May grey and June gloom’, but its arrival has heralded a change . The surf is still small but the looooong flat spells of summer may just have left us , although today it’s too small . You can stand on the shore and watch the horizon roll towards you . It’s a fascinating site , the gloom creeping across the ocean surface , at first a small line of silk that grows into a rolling fuzz . . It is an eerie occurrence that takes your imagination off to ‘The Lost Boys’ and pirates and ghosts .You can see how this phenomenon has become a scene in many a horror movie. The moment it reaches the shore the fog horns start to echo through the mist , warning boats and shipping of the coastline .Within half an hour it has rolled up the hill and into the valley where it quickly gets annihilated by the LA sun . Sometimes this event can happen multiple times during the day , usually it’s mid morning or late afternoon . This type of weather dominates SanFrancisco where big fluctuations occur due to the ocean fog .The temperature changes are often compared to Melbourne but from a completely different source . The ocean fog is a mesmerising site , something I will always remember when I think of California. 

I’ve been wondering what they are . Houses encased in giant jumping castles . There’d be anywhere up to 20 at a time erected in our area . I assumed that it must be asbestos removal . A lot of the houses look as if they’d been built with fibro cement , actually most of them .No I was wrong , its termite control . Termites have the capacity to bring down a large structure , especially when you consider how they build everything in LA.Its not fibro cement ,its timber coated in a trowel on cement . As I’ve said before , there is no brickwork , rarely any weatherboards or any hard structure to the facades of their housing .The entire shape and outer shell is formed with solid chip board style timber , sometimes it can be insulated with a styrofoam type interior. They then apply a plastic waterproof material , staple on mesh and then trowel on the render . Depending on the price , the better the finish . Most seem to go the rough texture ,painted beige . It gets dirty quick and I reckon it looks shit . It’s another reason why painters are everywhere , as they are constantly patching up cracked render and re -painting it.You do see the odd house with a shingle facade that is  the stereotypical Hamptons look , but render is king in LA  . I now understand why pest removal is so big here , structure and facade built in timber is the dominant method of building , leaving them vulnerable to the termite .

After finishing up a 3 hour session in the water I paused at the shore . Shit should I go back out and get some more ? It’s been bad for months and now I’m gorging on my fill . From the corner of my eye I see this tall dark guy approach . Geezuz , I think it’s Anthony Boardain . Surely not ? He asks if it’s normal to surf waves so close to the shore ? “Here it is , “I reply . After talking for a minute I tell him he is a dead ringer for Anthony Bourdain . He laughs , and says everyone tells him that . Says he once worked with him on a show called ‘Kitchen Confidential ‘.Turns out this guy is a producer and editor who worked for Fox studios for the last 20 years . He invited me to come and see his documentary ‘ The Art of Moto ‘ on November 11 in downtown LA . I told youse guys the people are not normal here . No plumbers , sparkys or accountants around here . It’s Hollywood and the ‘Industry ‘that has its tentacles in the South Bay . …   Yeah fuck off ,     no caulkers either .     P.s check out The art of Moto by Mark Homan . ( that’s the dude)

Remember when Hugh Grant got caught in his car with hooker Davine Brown ? I always wondered why a guy in his position could get caught soliciting a street hooker .It just seemed dumb , I will say that he was un fucking lucky to get caught . A man can get lonely , he does have needs . Doesn’t he?Ive been reading a few of the local papers and I have noticed there are a lot of adds for strip clubs . So ?     I assumed that these gentlemen clubs offered the full service . This is LA , porn lives here and there’s a grubby under current about this joint . What happens to all those beautiful girls with fake tits that don’t get their Hollywood dream ? They become x rated stars or if that fails they end up in brothels. Don’t they ?No ….. prostitution is illegal in the US . Nevada is the exception. You can’t have a city like Vegas without brothels , they got the ‘special license ‘. How did I learn this ? Jim Jeffries, who else confronts America with their imperfections in the bluntest of manner . Can you believe that ? No brothels , the oldest profession banned ! Fucking crazy . Drugs yes , guns yes , porn yes ,prostitution no !( Even auto spell won’t recognise the word as I type it!) Now I understand why poor old Hugh got caught , he had a sudden urge but no easy ‘legal ‘ solution . They hate the idea of showing flesh , everything’s pixilated out , but violence , no probs . Hilarious,  but pathetic . This joint has seriously got to grow up . Take a heap of hookers off the street and put them in a controlled environment, and as a by-product eliminate a huge chunk of petty crime . I do apologise to Jim Jeffries as I feel like I’m plagiarising his observations , but hey we are Aussies and we see things the same way. Porn , but no prostitution . It can’t be true , can it ?