Beige, yep it’s an apt word in describing this place.Its the Californian colour , their climate , their approach . No ups and downs , nothing too dramatic , outside of crime of course , but that’s approached with an even handedness. Their sports commentary , whilst informative has a flatline pulse , and their race calling is a perfect background noise for sleep . We don’t want to offend or put anyone out , let’s keep an even keel . Asking for advice isn’t about receiving a simple opinion, for fear of being told what you don’t want to hear . That’s why I asked in the first place . Just tell me so the first time . The yanks are very polite and after you’ve reassured them that they can say what they think you find them to be interesting and often with a sharp wit and a healthy dose of self deprecation. They’re completely normal , not big headed or loud and are very helpful . It’s just this barrier that they have built up that you have to disarm before you’re let in . I’m trying to form a solid opinion on why it is ? It’s dog eat dog here and any sort of negative feedback must feed a fear of climbing up the social scale . The eagerness to please with service is obvious when tips are so important but you get sick of people hovering asking ‘if the food is ok or is their anything else we can do .’ Even on leaving establishments there’s almost a grovelling approach to hoping that ‘you have a great day and weekend .’ Ok , ok let it go mate, I tipped you and I may be back . Competition is fierce , there’s a lot to gain and a lot to lose . The environment has squashed their personality , candour and honesty are put in the back pocket . I think it has contributed to the painfully slow grind in finding any type of social footing . It’s all hunky dory and sunny side up at school pickup . The worlds in a perfect glow . Small talk is big but I want real talk and please stop painting everything beige . 

Of course you can , it’s got a title on it for Christ sake .Its like a head , it can reveal a lot about a person .Its more the head that blends into the crowd that you’ve got to get to know before you make judgement .If you never knew Donald Trump and saw his image for the first time you’d instantly form a perception that would be  pretty accurate.Theyre out there , the heads that you can categorise with confidence .Theres different types ;arrogant , pompous , cheeky , authorative , negative , funny ,sleazy …… ect. You’ve then got those particular heads that I love , the sook . I’ve then gotta special name for one of those real pain in the arse sooks that thrives on enforcing their misery . The miserable *^*t. Yep , now you know what I’m talkn bout .Unfortunately we’ve managed to acquaint ourselves with one in our appartment block .Doug. No ,not Dougie as your Aussie Doug but more your Douglas type of Doug .You make first site on Doug and you know he’s sucks on the whole lemon , rind and all , all day everyday . He has high standards, he doesn’t suffer fools gladly , he’s the 1st to complain to the supermarket lady that there should be more counters open , he’s the type who sends his meal back at the restaurant cause the blue cheese sauce has too much blue cheese in it . He hates it when kids are playing within a 100 m of his property , why can’t they just grow up ,and where’s the supervision from theyre goddam parents ! Poor Doug really is a miserable ^*^t. I actually even feel sorry for him , more his beaten down wife .On our first meeting (or lack of it) in the spa , he wouldn’t make eye contact. It was Leroy and myself and Doug and his 20sh year old daughter sharing a small spa . Doug loved that a 7 year old child happened to be in the spa , the sulk and disdain for the situation was obvious . On retrospect I should’ve introduced ourselves cause that would’ve irritated him no end .I walked away then knowing that Doug might be a problem . Fate would take its course and deep down I knew I’d play a big part . Fuck it , why me? The complaints have trickled in ever since . The wetsuit hanging over the balcony , the apparent talking loudly and yelling at the kids from the balcony and of course the kids being loud and skylarking in the pool area .We get the complaints from central management but we know who has made the phone calls and complains.Doug you miserable ^*^t. After the latest phone call from property management we promised that we have addressed the complaints and they won’t happen again . The jumping off the fence into the pool is a fair reason to complain ( shit I wondered if I could pull that off myself)Also Tex’s friends have snuck into the pool when we havn’t been here , that did make me squirm , but also I did laugh to myself at the cheak of these little fuckers . Coming back from the beach Tex and his mate got back to the pool 5 minutes before myself , as I had the pool key .Tex tried to jump the gate only for Doug to catch him in the act from his balcony. That’s a no no Tex . Doug came down and told him off and begrudgingly that’s fair enough . For the last 2 weeks I’ve been very aware that Doug watches our every move around the pool area . It has given me great satisfaction in catching his eye as he hawks down at us from his balcony . His bald head has that permanent shake from side to side . He’s fuckn pissed and I love it . Doug is marshalling and waiting for his moment , relaying our every move to his beaten down wife Jenny.’D Day arrived yesterday. It always was going to come at some stage .Emma had just left for the airport and Tex and all his mates were in the pool awaiting there big night at their friends bar mitzvah.I had already laid down the guidelines to Tex and not to give happy Doug any reason to get happier .All was pretty quiet until I heard a big splash , quiet and then a raised voice . Oh oh ! …. Bang bang on the door and I knew it was my good mate Doug . Sure enough Tex’s little mate Griffin had well and truly thrown us under the bus . Griffin is that cheeky little kid who’s a bit of a class clown and will take on a challenge .He jumped off the 2nd story balcony into the pool and Doug was in perfect position to make his arrest . Griffin and secondly Tex you fucked it up this time . It was a stupid act and a breach of my trust in you guys ,and you beat me to it . I faced the music from Doug and all I could do was apologise with dough eyes and complete sincerity .It gets worse , Emma made me take the boys up to Dougs to apologise. At first the idea filled me with dread and it was like meeting the hanging judge for Tex , but deep down I knew it would get under Dougs skin even more .So we met our fate and I took the boys to uncle Doug to apologise. He was livid and the offering of my hand was eventually accepted under sufferance. No this isn’t over , I knew it in walking away . We all did . Doug will go all the way, he wants us out . The correspondence came through immediately from property management after our hand shake . There is a meeting to come . Doug will be lobbying hard for our removal . With a multi thousand dollar bond at stake I will not leave without it . Not a chance . My old mate Dale Verhagen would have that special dozen eggs put aside for old Douglas and I’m thinking I might borrow that idea for the day before I leave this country . Doug you’re a miserable ^*^t.

Traffic is a constant , it’s a big sprawling mass . A constant hum fills the air , day and night this monster keeps moving . You havn’t got a choice but to get in its arteries and do what you know . Everythings on the opposite side but once accustomed, it’s the nuances of LA driving that you have to get used to . On the way here I was in the far right lane in preparation to turn right at the next set of lights .A woman in her early 50s in the middle lane started to drift close to my flank , she looked over to me trying to make eye contact . She then stepped on the gas in an attempt to move over to my lane , even though there was no gap available . Of course I knew what she wanted but I wasn’t giving it up . Once she realised there was no gap she decided to shift across to within inches of me . I ignored her with a smirk on my face . She then tooted her horn and gave me a mouthful . I laughed .She thought she was well within her rights to move into my space because that’s what she wanted and had probably always done .Heres a hint , use your indicator .          Same thing last night as as my fat little bald mate in his convertible white Mercedes thought it only fair to push over and cut me off all whilst driving at low speed . I knew what he wanted and I could see he was busy as he was talking on his phone , wanting to get across to the left turning lane .He decided that indicating wasn’t necessary ,so I had to give him the horn . He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and gestured with his hand that his intention was to just get over . I looked at him and laughed . Use your indicator it ain’t that hard . I get the impression that things like seat belts and indicating are things that haven’t been enforced with the same fervour that we Aussies are used to . At any multi give way intersection you’ve got be alert to drivers that turn across your path without indicating, it’s a common occurrence. The main observation is Angelenos are lazy on the indicator and it’s particularly common in the older folk . I think it must be a new trend that they’re not buying . Yep , it’s a bit loose on the basics over here 

It was a bumpy ride yesterday , the full moon played her role to perfection . Confusion , tension , making mountains out of mole hills , yep the big girl stirred things up a bit . Today’s a new day and you can feel it in the loins that it’s better than yesterday . Now I knew I fucked a few things up yesterday ,but on reflection and some helpful detective work from Leroy things weren’t that bad . The lunchbox that wasn’t delivered to Leroys class container was in fact , but was taken by someone who happened to have that very same lunchbox .Leroy has a little red, white and black surfbrand lunchbox . When I showed him this photo his eagle eye spotted it in the hands of another dad in the background. Zoom in and you’ll see the guy with the red shirt with lunchbox . Now , you can all get fucked for doubting me , cause I told youse I’m organised .Earthquake kit , paperwork , classroom location and lunch delivered . Just decided to go through some hoops .  Today …. surf .. ticked ….. workout.. ticked .. kids school stuff …. ticked . Listening to Jonesy on the radio , writing this blog with time to spare .I’m always in control , never a doubt . Yep , it’s a new day 

It’s been a while , frustration grows. Energy in the nether regions build . Goddam it I just need a little action , a release , please . I ‘l be good to you , stroke you real gentle . I’l get you wet , that’s when you slide real nice . After that you’l loosen up and then I can really give it you .Squeeze in real tight and then blast away .All going well I can then rough you up and throw you around a bit , that’s when your at your best . Afterwards i’l clean you up and wrap you up real tight . Keep you warm . I’m not gunna just get some action and dump ya . I’m going to keep luvn ya , keep youse n ya , again an again . Your my princess , you look hot . I love the red lipstick smeared so heavily . Your small arse , big breast , your sharp eye , almost hostile and that fluro green belt . Fuck it , let’s get it on baby , it’s time to renew our affair . Yeerha the kids are at school , the wife’s at work , today’s the day . Wow baby , that was great . I hadn’t forgotten you. I love you long time .     It was fun today , hopefully our bed will be available tomorrow, cleaner sheets would be real nice . Some silk will really get you purring . Oh , yeah we’re back baby . You are my princess. 

1st day back , couldn’t have come soon enough . On the 79 th day of Christmas my true love said to me ……,… get those little fuckers baaaack toooo scoooohooo ol. Yeah , that’s a nice tune .                    Organised and cool in a crisis , that’s me , sort of . Emma set the check list up for me last night ‘. Yeah, yeah , yeah got it , she’l be right’ , I said . ‘  I know you , you’l forget shit , you always do .’ Emma replied . ‘Nup not this time , this bad boy has got it under control ‘ , I replied as I winked and tried to get a handful of derrière. ‘That’s your problem,your good at being a bad boy at remembering shit , and also don’t forget to take plenty of pictures cause we want to remember this day . I’m shattered I can’t be there as I’ve got an important meeting I can’t break . I expect you to send me some good photos so I can show my friends at work ‘.Em replies . ………. Fuck ,I think she’s Nostradamus.       It’s back to normal as Tex leaves at 750 after tormenting Leroy for the last half hour . He got out the door before my foot lifted him out. Got Leroy into the car but realised I didn’t have the earthquake kit . Back I go , leaving Leroy in the car , promising I’d be 2 minutes. 5 minutes later I’m back in the car with no quake kit . I’m in trouble now , gunna have to call Em and get the treatment .Nup i’l tear the place apart until I find it and then drop it back to school when I pick Leroy up . Traffic is hideous,I’ve lost time but I’m still earlier than usual . I head to my secret parking spot in a side street but I’ve underestimated the 1st day factor . The joint is chaos and after 10 minutes of circling back streets I park half a mile away and time is all of a sudden an issue .We only found out his teacher yesterday and getting there early to find his room, drop off paperwork , earthquake kit and formerly introduce ourselves to Mrs Traudt was mandatory. Everyone had their paperwork in little folders , not me . Fuck this is fucked up , now I’m really starting to feel inadequate, no folder and no kit . Hopefully the Aussie she’l be right factor might get me through . I can’t find his room and poor Leroy ‘s getting anxious. Me , I’m starting to panic. I go to several classroom doors but still no Mrs Traudt (trout).The bell rings for the kids to head to class but we can’t find a class , I’m traumatising Leroy . I have to do it .so I head to the office with my head down , feeling like a complete flog . Just before I go in I notice 2 ladies sitting on a table out front , the same ones that I walked past 4 or 5 times .I asked for Mrs Traudts room and they directed me to room 5 , that was what their purpose was . Of course it was you fuckwit . I take Leroys lunchbox out and there’s the earthquake kit at the bottom of the bag . You fuckn legend , I congratulate myself for a great fightback . Introductions , paperwork , all done , now just a couple of photos for Leroys start to grade 1 in the US . I tap my pockets but nothing . I know your not going to believe this but I left my phone at home . ……….,,, I’m sure she’s Nostradamus.                                I took a couple of photos at school pickup and it’s all good …………. No ,apparently Leroy didn’t come with lunch, so the school supplied him one today  . Oh please stop , it turns out I’d dropped his lunchbox in another classrooms lunch collection area .  I told you I’m organised                                     

Last day of school hollidays ,78 days off .Tex and I have a disfunctional relationship. He doesn’t listen to me and I don’t listen to him . He usually communicates to me by screaming and I reply by shaking my head and laughing .Of course this makes him even more angry . I can’t help myself . He can tend to be abrasive and is forward in telling you what your doing wrong . Today I took Leroy down to the beach to catch up with some school families for the start of the new school year. Tex and his mates came along .The meeting point on the beach is 400m south of our usual spot . Tex thought it crazy that we’d go down there , even after I told him why . We bickered all the way to the beach .Tex suggested it might be better I get knocked over by a bus .When your surrounded by kids it is difficult to say what I would of liked , but I told him I might run over his head on the surfboard ,once in the water .      We got our spot and the kids bolted out there. I told Tex not to to the right , so he goes to the right . He charges in after 2 mins and says he wants the foam surfboard . I said no , I’m having a go 1st .He then flys into a rage ,but I can’t hear him as I’ve put my ear plugs in and turned my back on him , running out to the shore break, sniggering to myself.After 5 minutes I come in to keep an eye on Leroy (I do it out in the surf too ,  sort of ). Tex runs up and grabs the board . I tell him not to go to the right where the kids are playing as the foam surfboard has no leg rope .’ Na, na, na I’m going out there, it’s mainly my mates .’ ..’No Tex there are little kids too close ‘I yell out. But he is gone . Hope the board washes back into your head ya little fucker,I mutter to myself. Not much happens for the 1st 5minutes as I’m on high alert for when this board hurtles into the shore knocking over one of the 6 year olds . I’m ready to grab Leroy and bolt back up the beach so the aggrieved parent won’t know I’m here . I’m so good at confrontation,not.Out the back 3 creases build through the chop, shit this is the set of the day .On the 3rd wave Tex turns to take off . I scan the water and he’s in the clear , no one in his path.This wave is easily the biggest wave I’ve seen for weeks , I’m hoping the little prick eats shit .He hesitates at the last second and gets kaboomed . I piss myself laughing . I watch him come up and he his hurt , looks like the wind has been knocked out of him . He gets to shore leaving all his mates and board behind . They stand wide eyed then follow . Tex is screaming to me to call mum to get him as he’s badly chewed his leg up on the fins .He’s actually done a good job , but all I care about is if I have to take him to get stitches as this would be a giant pain in the arse . This is not the place for that.Fortunately the lifeguard on duty came and treated the wounds . Job done .     Now I can have a good laugh at our little adventure. Serves yourself right ya little prick ,ya just got hit by the karma bus .​That was fun , no one got hurt , oh nearly no one ​

Absolutely farked up ………              Woke up for the 2nd time this week with a pounding headache . Hot ,humid the fan pulsing , beads of sweat on my top lip . I need some drugs , for nothing else could surely cure a savage hangover like this . Went down to Gazboys for our 1st BBQ get together . Gary and Emma live in the same apartment block , fellow Aussies of course . Who else would call their kids Gary and Emma . Eating bbqd meat ,drinking beer from an esky and playing ‘corn hole ‘. Mike , Mike , Gary , Keefy,Bill,Carl, Katherine,Emma,Sara,Alicia,,Hellen and a few others got together (sorry I forgot the other names) It was our 1st social gathering as a couple and only 3 doors down. Ofcourse it started with an Aussie invite , expats stick together . A shitload of beer and spirits washed down with a burger( even the BBQ slap up burgers here are seriously fuckn good ). Played cricket and even sent down a bit of chin music to Keith who was slogging baseball style . He reckons cricket is crazy as why would you want to hurl a baseball into the turf so that it can bounce up and hit the batter in the head?I explained that was where the fun is . He didn’t get it.After 8 hours of drinking and talking it’s plain to see that there are plenty of people here that would fit into any Aussie bbq .Put together a group of people at similar points in their life and add alcohol and you’ve got a good time .Thx Gary and Emma.Now surely there’s got to be something floating out there that’s stronger than paracetamol , maybe that South American stuff might work . ​

It had to rain for the 1st time (5mins) whilst playing cricket at a BBQ . It was still 35 degrees .

From LA we keep a close eye on what happens in Aus .Every morning you filter through the news feed and of course the contact with friends and family keeps one in the loop. The news back home still holds precedence . When and if that shifts will be a true indicator of our status . Aussie expat or local ? AFL results and that of the saints still affect my moods , only now it’s for a few hours instead of a day or days .    Tex was very quiet yesterday afternoon . He is one kid that gets over things quick . A full blown argument with him is all the more annoying as 5 minutes later he’s forgotten all about it . Me , I can’t let go that quickly . The little prick . Yesterday was a great day , as his former team mates went back to back . We hung on the results and as the final score came through we were elated. These are the moments you realise you’ve left behind . Tex lay on the couch , nothing came out of him all night ….., This morning he’s up and he’s his usual abrasive self . Yep Tex has forgotten what happened already .  The little Prick , …….. wish I could .

Im climbing the big tree . There’s not many branches to get a leverage on . Keep scrambling to the point that sliding down its limb would be more stressful than the ascent. I ‘l push on , no looking down .On the bottom is where regret lies . That’s the the reason why I chose to climb this exotic fucker in the first place .Gotta escape the only place I know , didn’t know if I’d loved it anymore . The foliage is dense , can’t see much light sneaking through . Will there be any light ,will it be better or worth it ? Shit can I turn back . No .         I used to be a dare devil in a tree . Took incredible risks jumping from tree to tree . Once in a tree when playing tag as a kid I was uncatchable . I’d jump from branch to branch , sometimes as high 40 to 50 feet up . The other kids wouldn’t follow .They knew a mistake could be life threatening. Not me , I didn’t consider it a risk . It was a gamble on winning . It’s the only time in my life I ever got out of my comfort zone . The thing is , I was comfortable doing it . Escape , I loved it .Thats what I’ve done this time , gotta forge ahead and see what’s up there . Yep , i’l get down in time for tea like I used to as a kid,long after I was the only one not tagged . For now I have to continue