This is going to be tough ,adopting a local team to get behind . I’m far enough away to immunise myself from the continuing Afl pain that Stkilda inflict.In the SouthBay there doesn’t seem to be a connect to any tribal following to a sporting team. We are on the beach and that dictates a certain relaxed approach to the big sports. I do like NFL and basketball but there’s no connect ,yet. There is one sport that they truly love here. Now I love all sport but this is one that truly irritates because, yes I wasn’t that good at it , but who’d want to play this game all the fucking time . Beach volleyball is king here and it’s a thriving business in the Southbay. This area hothouses some of the best beach volleyballers in the USA ,in particular the women . Everyday you see professional coaches tutoring young girls ,grown women and men all along the strand. This weekend is the Hermosa Open and it’s a big thing . A stadium , televised event on the sand with huge numbers of people swarming the area. Yes I like their outfits and the way they pull their bikini up their arse but this feels like an elitist game for show ponies and tall people . I just want to dump it on this game but I guess if I was 6ft 4 and , ripped to the shithouse and paid to play or coach it i’d think I was pretty shit hot too. ​

​this is their version of going to the footy . Yep plenty of high 5s and whooping it up here .  Yawn     Sorry Mick and Mark Jansen , Geoff Grocott and even Dave Gow but I admit I was fucken jealous that I was shit at this game . 

Its common place to walk along in public and have a conversation with yourself in California. There are many homeless that have psychiatric problems that have been squeezed out of the system , but I’m not talking about them. It’s your mobile phone user , or as they’re known here,the cell phone. You see nearly no one puts these things up to their ears and talks into them. Hands in pocket , talking out loud as you walk down the path or the supermarket aisle is the usual. My sense of harsh critique can hardly be reigned in on this matter . Wankers . This is the usual , the alternative is to have the phone on loud speaker , held at the waist facing up.Im not joking , this is how you control your cell phone over here . Privacy ? Just don’t look at me or listen to my conversation as I broadcast it loud and clear. Like this morning on my everyday ritual to look at the beach .As I turned the corner in a daydream I heard a voice and replied ,’oh yeah , how you going mate?’ He looked at me like I was a complete fuckwit(don’t you know I’m having a conversation on the phone dude) and kept talking aloud about the potential sale of the property. The thing is I’m the one who walks away embarrassed. As I’ve said before the yanks aren’t as extroverted as you think but they’re happy to have a private conversation on broadcast and in public. I’m not sure why but I can only assume it’s the connection to brain tumours and cell phone use that could possibly drive such a wide spread habit.For this is the place that quickly identifys and responds to health threats . If I come back to Australia and bring this habit back can someone please slap the back of my head.

The department of motor vehicles . ……..  We had to eventually confront the drivers license situation. The knowledge test 1st . A 103 page booklet you have to study in order to pass the written test . Like pulling teeth . Emma and I went to Hawthorn to sit our test today . Hawthorn , it’s the beginning of the hood as the sprawl spreads west. You get in this joint and it’s packed ,I thought I was in the zoo. I kept patting my chest feeling for the bullet proof vest. Emma was the 1 blonde out of 300. An all black staff and we really felt welcomed . You could feel the love coming our way as we were in no way blamed for the unfortunate past that their ancestors had to endure . We got our turn at the desk and our attendant was real happy to see us . The disdain oozed from her pores.Ofcourse we didn’t have some document required and she coiled back in her chair and rolled her eyes . To cut to the chase ,the public service system is a tired busy place with a staff that hates life .We got turned back on a technicality as we need a marriage certificate . We also had a bank statement which had our address , but as this was only 1 page of a 6 page document it didn’t count ,we needed the other5 useless pages. Emma tried to be real nice and all but I just wanted her to shut the fuck up so I could shake my head and laugh and eyeball this fuckn sour puss. Ofcourse that gets you know where, but geezuz bitch lighten the fuck up . Anyway we can’t get tested for another 6 weeks ,as a city like LA is always busy and we are at the back of the queue. Thank fuck for that . Cause it’s no fun going through their public service system.

We already rescheduled from 2 weeks previous on account of this line .

Well, I canned my morning solo session early and decided I’d get home and take the kids down to the beach.Like the day before this ended up being a lot of fun. I marshalled the boys up ,and down we headed with boogie boards and surfboard. I took the surfboard just in case . Pigsarse , I had plans on catching these surprise waves that are bobbing up straight out in front of our joint. It’s usually very docile but a sandbank has formed and I’m hoping Leroy will look after the towels while daddy goes to work .Sure enough there they were again . Tex and I are straight out and Leroys decided to look after the towels because it’s too big …… I didn’t plan that . Anyway Tex and I have a disfunctional relationship at best , this is the only thing we’l do together , but it always ends in a slanging match. Tex gets excited out there and talks and raves nonstop about the aerial or tube or barrel roll or what the fuckever . And so it was today as things denegrated quickly when it was my fault the last wave slammed him. Instead of stooping to his level i went even lower when I said I thought I saw a fin coming up behind him .He yelled ,’where’!At that very moment he looked back and two big arse dorsal fins popped up 15 m behind him.Im not fuckn joking ,we both looked at each other with eyes as wide as flying saucers.I was just making the fin bit up and at the very next instant 3 dolphins appeared right up behind us . Tex went into a panic and tried to climb onto my back but I paddled away from him whilst laughing my head off . A set wave came in and i hooked onto it and left the poor fucker out there by himself.I headed back out , but Tex had scrambled back in . At 12 years of age he doesn’t mince his words . As I sniggered to myself I heard him screaming , ‘Fuck you dad , it’s all right for you ,your on a surfboard but I’m all exposed if I get bit my whole fuckn body is available for dinner . All I’d have left is a fuckn head ‘!!!   I couldn’t stop laughing as this is the most fun I’ve had in ages . Yep this is what I call bonding , and I had a good surf to boot .     The dolphins are common place but this was Tex’s 1st encounter. Hilarious .        Their size and speed is a shock when you 1st encounter them but a day like today gives you a real buzz . 

It’s not rough for us but just as Hermosa has wealth and fame there’s no hiding the other stuff either. You take a right hand turn from our house and you’ve got a view straight down to the ocean that is oh so CaliforniaA 400m walk has you waist deep in the Pacific. Turn your back and walk 200 m the opposite direction and you’ve got a collection of ramshackle factories that house some old school surfing shapers and other assorted industries .This area is small and has been surrounded with apartments ,as every square inch of land is gold for your developer .This is fascinating as your old school has hung tough and remained viable , supplying the cashed up locals with their needs . But for how long will this valuable realestate stay out of the hands of developers. Anyway I’m drawn to this area just as much as I am to the other side . There’s rich history and some fascinating characters .Take me old mate Keonie ,who lives in his small factory or shed I’d call it. This bloke reminds me of Iggpop and I reckon he’s done more drugs . Still , he’s very welcoming and he’s got a face that tells you he’s seen a few things .Keonie never wears anything but a pair of jeans and nearly always has a beer in his hand .Parents bring their kids boards in and he’s happy to do an A grade job for a c grade price .Still ,you know he lives rough and this is common place over here .As I’ve said theirs a story to unlock as hell tells me he was living up near the Griffith Obrevatory ( this is where every tourist goes to see the Hollywood sign) in a friends place . This is an exclusive area looking over Hollywood and Beverly Hills . Unusual for there’s a million guys like Keonie but he’s still loved enough to be kept from the gutter . …….    Not like this poor blokeYep,it’s rough for some . After you’ve checked this little blog out have a look at Howies hard hitting interview with Keonie . I’ l go back and talk to him again and try and draw some more shit out .

Where but LA can you have beautiful beaches hemmed by a petro chemical refinery and a power plant , both colossal in stature.Ofcourse it would be here . Today I took the kids to Elporto which is about 6 ks north of here . This wave lies in the shadows of the Chevron plant . Off the coast large ships are tethered to tugboats . I’m guessing their waiting to get drained of oil . I don’t really know.Overhead the intermittent roar of 380s landing and taking off add the sound affects. I’m desensitised to the sound and sights now but today I stopped a moment while I was sitting on my board and took it all in . If you could capture what I could see you’d shake your head and laugh . The massive scale of man made metal sitting on a beautiful blue Pacific Ocean , with kids surfing crystal clear waters lapping on miles of golden beach .Ugly but beautiful. Side effects seem minimal but you will get globs of black stuff on your feet . They call them tar balls . Oil rigs sit just south of us but they deny it’s from them .They reckon it’s just coincidental and their practice is industry best . Have a look at my surfboard and you’ll see the result. Anyways this is a Coast that is fascinating and has a beauty that lie in the eye of the beholder. 

Roads, they’re a mixed bag. The major freeways are a mixture of bitumen and concrete. The concrete freeways are of poor quality . The surface is littered with large un filled expansion joints and a surface that is near disrepair in some spots..The cambering  is incredibly bad on most of the bends . As you turn at high speed with the rest of the traffic you feel the car drag to one side of the lane with the slope running away from the bend.Add to the heavy friction of the grooved concrete and you can see why your tyres quickly wear down . It hasn’t rained in 3 months but I can only imagine how wet concrete reacts to breaking . As a result they’ve gouged grooves through the surface for your rubber to gain traction . It’s a shock to see a major modern city with its most important roads in such a poor state. There’s not much effort to beautify the surrounds. Grass and weeds on median strips and along edges are nearly waist high .The merging roads and freeways that often intertwine blur into each other with marked lines fading to nothing .The result is that serenity becomes white knuckle when you realise that you’re lane is no more ,and that a large semi is drifting across at 120 k and you’ve got to get across or your exiting the  freeway into Compton without changing lanes . This is a scenario that happens on most trips as merging freeways can mean you can head in a complete different direction without changing lanes , thus scrambling and hitting the breaks is an often occurrence .The speed limit is a loose guide and the traffic is usually travelling around 120ks in the 100 zone . No speed cameras here .LA is brown and dry and some parks look unkempt. Elysian Park is a place we went to on Sunday . It had spectacular views of Dodger Stadium , the Hollywood sign and LA itself , but a lot of this park looked like a scabby old hill that is used for homeless campers and dumping.I can’t believe that a prime site like this can be so unloved . Wouldn’t happen in Melbourne.Every place has its good and bad but I think LA could do a lot better with its upkeep.

After 3 months I havn’t got a true handle of what and when I tip in the US. What I know is that the minimum wage specified to servers on the federal level is $2.13 per hour on the proviso that they receive at least $30 a month in tips .Each state has their own minimum requirements ,California is $10.50 per hour, which is one  of the highest awards in the US. Restaraunts and cafes you should be tipping around the15% mark and upwards depending on your satisfaction levels . What I’ve found that with tips that eating out is no cheaper than Australia ,maybe a bit more expensive. Alcohol is at the same price with cocktails a bit cheaper . This is where they make their money because as I’ve previously stated alcohol is ridiculously cheap in the US. The 2 major differences in your standard eat out experience is the 1st class service you receive and the large portion servings .The latter is where you save money as you realise you don’t need to order a main or you can share with others and be more than well fed . Milkbars and general stores is where I’m confused as I’m starting to realise that a tip is appreciated, same with fast food outlets . All these places have tip jars and your receipt will have a gratuity extra for you to fill out . Ridiculous ,as this is not a service that requires an extra effort but has an underlying expectation that you help supplement their wage. This is something I’m coming to terms with as it comes down to the sympathy factor . And I do have a lot of empathy for these people as you can’t live on some of these pathetic wages. Older adults I will tip more to as for young kids they might get spare change . Even at your market fare the stall holders that sell their specialty produce have tip jars for you to fill. This is where I draw the line as you already pay overs and sure most of this stuff is really good but please don’t go sucking for a tip on top of your tax free profit. Bus drivers , porters ,taxi drivers,Uber’s ect all expect at  the bare minimum that you round out your fare . It’s a system that many like but I’ve got a deep seated twist in my gut that says this is not the best way . Pay people properly , collect more tax and stretch the money from the top down to your worker and I reckon you’ll get more love . Yeah I’m showing my political leanings but I have a lack of trust in the tipping  culture here , I reckon it’s just passing the buck .     Ps I’ve got to get my haircut today for $25 it’s about the same as in Aus but of course I’m expected to tip at least another $5 or more on top . I know I sound like a tight arse but it’s a concern  when your barber relies on this extra to supplement their wage . You can see how being the business owner is king and I understand the risk and effort they’ve made to establish themselves but please can we keep tipping to the restaraunt and cafe seen . 

Competition is fierce in the US and that can be a good thing . No supermarket duopoly here . Vons,Ralph’s,Best and final are the big 3 supermarket chains in California but after that you’ve got a lot of mid size competitors snapping at their heals.Also you’ve got the major chemist chain CVS that has almost everything supermarket style ,alcohol included . Target also has a supermarket and alcohol section in all of their chains . The thing I really like about their grocery chains is the up and coming fresh and local 1st philosophy that is taking storm here . Wholefoods is your ‘sourced straight from the farm style that is the coolest joint going . This is yuppie heaven and I must say I’m happy wandering the aisles . I actually don’t have to look at what’s on the shelves as what’s in the aisles is more than satisfying . No really this joint is un fuckingbelievable . The produce is incredible , healthy , fresh and original . They even have their own brewery style bar at the front , so you can sit and have a beer and decide which beer you want the missus to grab as she shops .I can’t see this not happening in Australia, it’s just those big two that stand in the way . Nah , I’m telling yas this joint is coming , hopefully soon . Also there’s a joint called Trader Joes ,same as Wholefoods but more localised and cheaper . Fuckn love this joint . They specialise on healthy clean food as well .Their frozen section is filled with ready made gourmet meals that are of ridiculous quality for the price you pay . Everything in this joint is gourmet and shits on the stuff that Safeways and Coles sell you. Ritchie’s in MtEliza is similar and I’m sure there others out there but it’s the price that you pay at Trader Joes is what’s separates them.And of course it’s their alcohol and their beer that really grabs my attention.I took ten minutes to decide which 6 pack I wanted that was under$5.I thought surely it must be of shit quality ( one 6 pack was going for 3.49). Anyway I sheepishly took my 6psck of boatswain IPA for 4.49. I’m writing this right now with 3 of these bad boys drained at 6.5% . I’m shocked at how good they are . Now I’ve discovered this joint I’m in trouble as I’m gonna want to explore it with complete and thorough conviction. On a serious note this is surely got to infiltrate the Australian grocery landscape and it’s going to be great . I know it won’t be as cheap because we get paid a fair wage but it’s the future and you’re gonna love it . Please let it start by the time I get back .

I’ve harped on  this a lot, but the beach brings out all sorts . Why not ? Everyone loves the beach . Out in the surf it’s much the same . The thing is the yanks have got a polite happy disposition and they don’t mind sharing . I don’t . I really think this is an Aussie cultural thing that is inbred . We play for keeps and we are dammed competitive . ‘Aggressive’ , that’s our sporting trademark . Unfortunately I’m not talented but aggression is my old soul mate . I will often find my own little spot along the coast  but it doesn’t take long before some inquisitive yank catches on to my game . Smiling and paddling over on his long board or worse , his stand up paddle board .I’m forced into attack mode . Catch every wave in sight , is my motto . Childish , I know but it works as they generally vacate after 5 minutes . I do feel guilty ,  fuck it no I don’t . Anyway this place is set up for all Surfing types and you see them . You’ve got the ‘stretcher’ , he’s the dude that stretches for 5 minutes out front , declaring politely that he intends to surf with you . You’ve got the Mexicans and South Americans who ride really short boards and love catching the small waves.A lot like the Japanese. My favurite is the Fundie, the old guy who just wants to catch some waves with you with a big smile on his face . He’s predominately a nuisance and is always in the spot you intended to be in . His craft : mal , standup or boogieboard, often with one booty on and a webbed glove from the 80s . Ok , I’m not Kelly Slater and if I really admit it I’m only a couple of years younger than these guys . Shit I’m going to be one of these guys eventually and that’s depressing ,but you’ve gotta concede that’s not so bad . Better than sitting on the couch worrying about your triglycerides .Most perplexing is your swimmer. They’ll often swim straight through the lineup. Yeah they’ve got their rights but why enforce it whilst trying to get a surfers fin embedded in your head. Finally , you can be surfing alone and before long a small crowd of beach dwellers will huddle in close to get a good view. Next thing you know you’ve got the lifeguard asking me to move on as the swimmers are too close to me . Now that’s fucked up and it has happened to me .On summer days you’ve got to surf early as the beach fills during the day forcing lifeguards to move you on . You have to surf under the two piers . Problem is the waves are often shit here ,but the water is that crowded you’ve got no choice or rights. Yep I know I’m whinging and I’m spoilt but I’m just saying these are the tough hurdles I have to deal with.