The shortness , Rs chopped out , lips unopened,’A’sounding like ‘u’ ,words cut in half but meaning the same thing . Yep it’s the unmistakable marker attached to the Australian accent . The verbal trademark that separates us from the locals is also the thing that acts like a mating call to fellow Aussies. The antenna is finely tuned to tracking the Aussie accent . The Aussie Dragons footy on Sunday was an overload , actually made me laugh . All those nicknames . Jabba , chook , and then the surnames with a ‘y’and ‘o’attached;Jonesy , Smithy , Jacko and Thomo.Your removed from all those things you’ve always known and to hear it in chorus on Sunday was hilarious. The special love that you hold for your own lingo runs deep . You hang onto it like a badge of honour , at least I do . The kids are quickly moulding their speak to the Calfornian way . Emma reckons I’m putting on the accent even stronger but she’s working all day with yanks and I probably have gone on the defensive .Still you walk the streets and it’s unmistakable. “Darl if you stretch your head back and keep ya back straight ya won’t get a stiff neck” …. Who said that ? I look around the crowd and ask Emma, ‘did you hear that ?Sure enough we track the voice down to a woman in the crowded Strand . Previously we’d have introduced ourselves but not this time . It’s sinking in , we’ve been here long enough to hesitate and stop , we let it go . Can’t go accosting every Aussie you see . Still , Emma and I look at each other without saying anything . Fuck it , we both desperately wanted to introduce ourselves to a perfect stranger . On the way back to the apartment there it is again . “Boys come and check this out”,we spin our heads back and look down the street and there they are ,a group of fit strong looking young hipster dudes all dressed in light pastels , with designer beards all gearing up to hit the town . Emma and I are almost walking backwards staring them out from 40m . Oh , shit can’t I yell out ‘Aussie Aussie’. No . I promised myself I would never yell that out .Geezuz I really feel an affection for these guys and I know that they’re going to get plenty of that special affection tonight . Lucky fuckers.Charismatic is how I’d describe it, not in Australia but over here it is magnetic.It’s been a few weeks submersing into Californian life , the isolation becomes the normal , but then a weekend comes along where that familiar twang pops out from the crowd . It’s like , ‘yeah I know that sound . It’s  the only thing that truly is our trademark . It separates us from the crowd and that little bit of connection chimes like a homing beacon . No , I’m not changing my speak regardless of Tex’s embarrassment or Emma telling me they don’t understand. Fuckm , I speak strayan so listen carefully.

Coastal LA has a real bohemian thread to its lifestyle.Emma and I have gone for a walk the last 2 Sunday afternoons. The Sunday arvo session seems to have a particular slant to it . Hermosa Beach does its sessions ganja style.The waft of that intense earthy musk being torched into that special type of incense is common place on your Sunday afternoon. From the laneways down to the beach we were enveloped with the green smog.Im not talking young kids and hippies, its people in their mid 40s 50s who otherwise look very presentable . Fit looking types , wealthy middle class guys and the extremely wealthy on the strand seem to enjoy that natural burn off . Now you can get marijuana medically prescribed in California but I don’t know on what grounds your doctor can actually prescribe it . Here in Hermosa the doc seems to have prescribed aplenty . I might have to check Ems work health insurance policy to see if I’m covered for boredom related anxiety disorder. Also known as BRAD. You see , that’s where that little bell in the back of my head chimed . For surely that is what’s happening here . They’ve got it sorted . Their health insurance is likely to be the top rating in this part of the world and thus their medical is completely covered . Anxiety issues , yep I’ve got the relief you need and best of all you get it from a legal clinic for nothing under your insurance coverage . Brilliant .

From the footy we hit downtown Venice Beach .20 minutes of driving and then a mad arse reverse park (tight , that’s how it is over here).Abbot Kinney rd , Venice Beach is the location.Its a seething mass of hipness ,tryhards and every other group imaginable. Uber ,uber cool , yep I fit right in . Wheatgrass shakes , free range hand reared chicken eggs on biodynamic farmed Himalayan humanely euthanised pork shoulder bacon on stone milled monk made bread from Carmel . Just some of the versions of eggs and bacon sangas on offer. Tops off abs out for men , no bras cleavage aplenty on a tight pair of leather shorts and heels for the ladies and your in the game. High end fashion , cutting edge street art and your talking Chapel street on juice.Down to the beach and its madness .Crazy , crazyarse busy. Hot , steamy , body odour mixed with coconut oil and ganja weed assault the senses. You have to tick this place off your list when visiting but i’l be in no hurry to return .A doctors appointment was necessary to sooth the optic muscles and neck area. Seriously folks you gotta see this joint to believe it. Muscle beach (try hard central) , then the skate bowl brings some unbelievable skateboarders and we even got to see the number 1 ranked skooterer in the world . But fuck him I didn’t video him as he’s akin to your boogieboarder in Surfing parlance . ​I took 20 videos and as as soon as I stopped two dudes landed some madarse tricks that had the crowd roaring and whistling .Muscle beach , nup……..Tosser beach 

LA , Aussie rules footy style. We had to get our fix . Venice Beach . Yep , WTF , Venice is where we’re at. The LA dragons taking on Orange County bombers . The oval is , well , a piece of scratchy chopped up park ground  with ankle length grass on rock hard ground . 30 degrees , humid , your typical zinging summers day in Venice ….. and a game of Aussie rules . They don’t have ovals big enough and parkland is at a premium over here , so this is it . Amateur, weird , and even a little uncomfortable. What the hell are we all doing here? Under a big old tree a small pie oven and a couple of eskys act as kiosk and grandstand . Holy shit there’s a smell a wafting from that oven . It couldn’t be . Oh yeahhhhh , four and twenty pies . Those darlings from indigestionville,here in LA. Even at $6 each we snatch 4 straight up and inhale them with sauce in seconds.​Beer as well .

It  didn’t take that​

​ long to hear those familiar Aussie accents and then that tribal language of :Boys, fuck this , fuck that , keep your head over the ball , no soft c*#ts here, come on chooka, jabba , Jacko,Wilko,,Smithy,Coxy lets get around each other  and give it to these pricks on our home turf.​Yep ,nearly brought a tear to the eye ,even had to get out there and have a kick at half time.Emma didn’t mind as she sat there watching with admiration as this team was like a fucking male moddeling troupe.Probably explains why some of them are in LA.Had to go out by myself as the boys were too embarrassed as they reckon now that their in the US they don’t care for it . Eventually they came out and I was finally able to give you that long awaited hard hitter of Leroy.

I’ve always been a bad sport at heart. I hate losing and have a fixation with the pain of defeat. Who would you barrack for? St.kilda of course .The club that has doled out that the most painful history.Coming to LA was a form of escape on many levels for yours truly.The winning and mostly losing could be insulated from my heart and brain  by being on the other side of the world. No,I think I need to go to another planet to truly get away from it .Fear and anxiety . You wake up with it . Shit I don’t have to pick my phone up and look at the scores. I certainly won’t stay up at 230am and listen to the live radio on my app, for I’d never sleep and I’d be a plain old miserable prick all day .Now the saints aren’t good enough and are a long way off but you check the scores and are relieved you’ve lost but havn’t been smashed for a change.Then you watch the video showing them losing from 10 points in front with 56 seconds to go and the weekend is thoroughly ruined.You go surfing and everything’s negative . ‘Fuckn waves are too small, the wind is onshore and how did those useless ##*#*s lose from there ‘,are on repeat ,swirling through your head .You come back and everyone’s happy . Emma says ,’how come your in a bad mood ‘? ‘Im not in a bad mood I just hate life cause I barrack for a fucked up team ‘,I reply.  ‘Great ! You live in LA who cares .’ Em says. So I drop a couple of panadols and we go to Leroys bball. There’s a dread that infects the morale .’I’m at kids sport , get over it and enjoy Leroy play bball ,you miserable fuck’ ,my schizophrenic other half pleads. So we sit down and watch the bulldogs bball team play their last game . Only 4 kids of ten have shown up and Leroy and Spencer ,the two youngest by nearly 18 months are two of them .Both barely top 3 feet tall. Poor fuckers are gonna get smashed. Against the odds they are competitive and with just 90 seconds to go they steal a 2 pt lead . Everyone’s  animated and excited but a dread fills my heart , this smells of last night . And so it happens . The other mob tie the scores up with 50 seconds left .’ Ohh get fucked ‘,I say to myself . Emma and all the other parents clap the other team for scoring, but the good sport in me says don’t encourage the opposition we want those little fuckers to lose. Our boys take it to the basket and on the the third shot a beautiful looping attempt from the edge of the key drops on to the ring, fluffs the net ,does a full 360 and kicks out.’Its a fucking nightmare ,’I scream to my self . With 20 seconds left the other mob grab the rebound and rush to the other end ,….. and miss . The kids desperately fight for the groundball and the ref stops the clock and says ,’take it from the sideline ‘ …… gators. Just as I’m about to scream ‘bullshit ref ‘,I slap my hand over my mouth .Fuck , not another Robby Gray moment , please god let it be a draw and that will make up for last night . …. So the kid passes it in and one of our boys gets a hand on it ,only for it to deflect into the hands of the kid who has nearly scored all their points . Yep ,…….. the little fucker steps back and loops the ball over his head without looking at the basket and drops it in . The buzzer goes and a miraculous finish  is complete . We’ve been beaten by a beautiful last play ,   again .     St. kilda this is all your fault . I’m totally fuckn miserable now . I’m such an admirable sporting parent .Emma and all the other parents get around the exhausted kids and congratulate them for a great effort against the odds . I do what I do best and quietly sulk . For today felt like it was truly preordained. Sometimes it’s just your turn . Even on the other side of the world you get your chance to lick the pain out of the losers bowl. Ah well it’s off to watch the LA dragons afl team play now . See, we can’t let it go , sport means more to your average Melburnian ,no matter where you live. 

.Now I must say these all week camps that they run on one sport are great . To repeat myself they play with a lot of body contact in bball and the concentration they put into defence from an early age is surprising . The kids are in each others face and it’s like a marking contest when they rebound. The blanket defence forces the kids to be ultra sharp with their evasive skills and they pass the ball with a fair bit of heat . Intensity is up and these kids are a ball of sweat in minutes. Aussie kids would thrive in this environment .We thought that being from an Aussie rules environment that this is maybe where our kids would have an  advantage .No ,they play bball for keeps.TheAFL fraternities increasing watch on the skill set that this game produces is becoming very obvious the more i see. They stay low in tight ,they keep their feet , their vision is brilliant and their feel and awareness is heightened. Yep , I’ve gotta eat my words . This is tougher than I thought.Anyway check out my next hard hitting video of Tyler on Facebook .He was one of Leroys coaches this week.

Interesting the way this game is approached and adjudicated at a junior level. Down on the Peninsula where our kids played is almost a foreign game to what you’ll see here . The kids here play a very physical form of bball which is a surprise . I always thought they were soft and this was a game for those that didn’t like body contact, Ofcourse we play some tough sports in Australia but I really can see the similarities and traits that are transferable across codes and countries. It’s not fair to compare standards but some of these kids are like panthers with  speed and agility that you don’t see back home .Kids play to positions and zones 1st , passing , blocks , pick and rolls and team game plans start as soon as they join a team . The skills and game rules are added on as they go. Travelling , fouls and double dribbles are not refereed until they get closer to 10 years old . That’s the big difference, once these kids have hit there tweens , they play a lightening fast , physical brand of bball with multiple game styles . Refereeing to the absolute rules come in after these kids  have developed game craft . It’s a real factor that develops their kids quicker . Also passing is held in high regard . It’s not just about the kid who scores . This makes the game a far better spectacle early on .Speed and transition is big , these kids run up and back at a far greater rate. Body contact is not refereed with the same zeal . The kids play close to the edge and at high tempo . Basketball is ‘their’ game but I’m fascinated with their approach to teaching the kids . I guess the game is so exposed there is an understanding of the rules at a young age , Maybe this explains the Australian approach to officiate more readily . To make a direct comparison to my kids teams back home isn’t fair , but in reality the US kids would beat our teams up to two years older. I never thought I’d say it but I’m really growing fond of bball. 

Not yet . I’m starting to drive with more confidence but I’ve driven a certain way for nearly 30 years . As I hooked back from dropping Leroy off a little bell chimed in my ear . ‘Tex has to be at the tutor now.’Bang ! I’m out of so cal style and into inner Melbourne ‘get the fuck out my way style’ in an instant . I fly back to our apartment in record speed , cutting people off and not letting pedestrians cross before I run them over .After cajoling and then eventually threatening Tex with physical harm we are back in the car only 20 minutes late. Beautiful, ‘i’l pull out here and drive straight up there and il drop you off out the front’ ,I announce toTex. Dad!!!! What the fuck are you doing! , Tex screams.You see , I’d done what was natural and pulled a right hand turn and booted it up a bit to look up only to see on coming traffic approaching fast . I’m on the wrong side of the road . No worries I swerve over the small median strip and shoot through the zebra crossing and it’s all good again . I even waved and smiled at the other drivers who were all looking over their shoulders giving me the death stare.All in front of the police station ,and I didn’t get caught , how cool is that?Specially considering that all visitors must have a Californian drivers license after living in the state past 90 days. Only we are booked in on September 22 to do just our written test . ‘How good am I to pull that off ‘,I said to Tex . He looked at me and said ,’dad drop me off out the back ,I don’t want anyone seeing me get out of this car , and il walk home ‘       Yep , auto pilot is still tuned into the Aussie  frequency , nearly got us goddammed killed .

Phelps v great white shark. There’s a media firestorm over here after the great swimming event didn’t play out the way many thought it would. The discovery Chanel produced a documentary where they promoted a match race between Michael Phelps and a great white shark  over a 100 m . Think about it , a wild shark that eats anything , people included, looking across at a man swimming along side him over a set distance . No people . Of course it was computer simulated. Social media went into melt down when it was revealed it was a set up . Not real ? Yesterday  morning I nearly choked on my weeties , last night I nearly burst my appendix laughing when thousands of people got upset that there was no race . Phelps swum alone with flippers on , only he really wasn’t alone as several divers acted as barriers just in case old whitey decided to swim real fast . Now that’s the story , these divers were put out there so as old mate my take one of them 1st . Brilliant .It was later revealed that a great white can swim 4 times faster than someone with flippers . People havn’t you seen that scene from that documentary ‘Jaws2 ‘ where he catches the water skier ? Enough said.

As you’d be well aware in Australia there is the shooting death of Justine Damond by a police officer that is major news in both countries. Now I’m going into dangerous territory here as I’m qualified in ……. ah. ….nothing. This morning I choked on my weeties as I watched the commentary on this unfortunate event on NBC .Investigation into the officers background had uncovered that he’d been expediated through his cadet program after 1 year and been an officer for 2 years . Before that he has a degree in business and economics.He shot this woman in her Pajamas from the passenger side through his partners driverside window.Some English professor on criminology was openly speculating that his fast track through the course could be attributed to the shooting . Don’t go there dude , he’s been in the force for 2 years . Insecurity and panic is surely a trademark in this job . The whole fuckn country has been allowed to carry guns for christs sake ! No wonder the cops are shooting people . Trust has been lost . Fuck they’ve let this bull loose in the China shop and now they’re never going to be able to clean it up . This very sad event is a byproduct of  American gun culture . I’m no expert but please say it like it is . I wouldn’t be a cop in this country , because at some stage your gonna have that finger on the trigger , cause you know someone your looking at may be doing the same thing .