Ok peoples you might have read between the lines that there is some home sickness. Your absolutely right . Reality is this’s  what’s inevitable when you live on the other side of the world for the 1st time . Australia really is the lucky country. We have a good climate ,a massive land mass and only 22 million people .There is a large middle class and a system that has enough empathy and the capability to keep the lower class out of the gutter . We knew it wasn’t going to be easy settling down here , especially when you consider you can stuff the whole Australian population into LA and its surrounds. Built up , busy , tough and every man for themselves mean that socially they run a tight ship . Saying hello on the street and getting the yanks to loosen up takes much more than expected . They’re good people ,will always help but there is a sense of armour to their phsche. Here in Hermosa Beach they have a special little place that really is a sanctuary. For LA is a big fuckn joint and a lot of day trippers flood in to this little beach locale. As I’ve said before parking is cut throat and the streets and town centre swell up on a weekend or holliday period. A lot of families have left the area for holidays . We have come at a tough time to assimilate . Their year finishes in June , their tired , sporting teams have finished their seasons and this part of the world you don’t have your traditional Aussie neighbourhood.With330 million people this part of the world has identified their advantage will be education . Hence the kids have been hit by a tsunami of expectations and a standard well in advance of what they have been used to in Australia. They don’t have the sporting DNA we have . You can’t just put your kid a bball team or footy club . They only play two hybrid 8 week seasons of bball . Poor little Leroy plays in another suburb with a group of kids who are all older and from the same school . It won’t hurt in the long run but this gives you an idea that parents and adults get a lot less opurtunity to mix and thus you get a picture now have how slow it has been to make a connection. It will get better soon , and in reality we are very spoilt to be able to say we are Aussies who live in LA . Not many do and I don’t know anyone from Mornington that have done what we have . We are committed to seeing out our 2 year contract and in 12 months I suspect this blog will have a more diverse view . I hope so .

Wow,it’s actually a thrill to have any Australian news . 1st we had the shaking plane .Any plane news gets airtime here.Then yesterday morning my preferred news station KLTA5 has an entertainment interview with Mornington mega star NickyWhelanDont worry ,I’m no celebrity star fucker but hey we’ve got things in common Nicky and I .Then holy shit a major breaking news story that is getting a lot of air play . The pope’s right hand man George Pell is up on sex charges . Turns out that right hand might of done some other work in its day .Also that line down the bottom says Lamborghini……..Relax pc rs leave it alone .    Finally we’ve had helicopters flying over head all morning . Turns out there was another shoot out . This time just half a k from EJs work in Elsugundo. It’s got news saturation as we speak .Aussies in the news  , police shootouts outside Emma’s work . Yep it’s been a busy 24 hours ,for some.

Trumpys men are not happy with the school lunch situation over here. Apparently most school cafes have gone too healthy . As a result the obesity levels are dropping and with his intended reduction to health coverage to the lower classes,there’s a conundrum. The lower class aren’t go die off as quickly with heart attacks and diabetes and the like. Yep ,apparently the kids will go hungry during the day to avoid eating an apple with their pasta and salad washed down with chocolate milk. Poor little fuckers. So Trumpys health advisor wants to bring back donuts ,chips ,ice cream and soft drinks so as the kids won’t starve .Im not kidding. This directs things to the school account . Tex now goes to school with a lot of wealthy friends. Of course they buy lunch every day , and Tex finds it totally embarrassing to have to eat his packed lunch . We are now in the fight to limit his spend each week . Also Leroy has decided on his own volition to start buying lunch without money or our knowledge.An Emil came through letting us know that Leroys account was in arrears. Wtf! He’s 7 and has decided that he’ll open a lunch account without telling us , true. He said the smell of the pizza on Wednesday and Friday was too much to resist . The school cafeteria plays a bigger role over here. As I’ve said the kids where we live are very body conscious and are often in large groups running the streets. No , not in gangs but running teams and life guard troupes .With a large choice of fast food here the kids have even lectured Tex what he should eat . You can’t eat McDonald’s burgers as their meat has too much chemicals , the fries are ok . These little wankers are happy to chew on a bag of sour worms or a bag of bright orange Cheetos , though. Lets face it ,kids will eat shit whenever they can but in school ? 

I read my children my rights over their school summer break.9 weeks . I know I’ve told you this already but I will repeat it ,9 weeks before they go back to school.My rights were simple :I’m going to keep doing what keeps me sane and occasionally happy. You guys are welcome to come along for the ride if it suits me. There isn’t much to it.We have breakfast that I serve to you at your request whilst I warn you with increasing blood pressure and raising voice levels,interspersed with expletives muttered under my breath that the bickering fucking stops now! We then follow dad into the car to drive down to the surf (only 2 to 3 ks away,no we can’t walk or ride cause I carry everything and Leroy on my shoulders).Upon finding the wave I’m happy with Tex comes out with me whilst  I responsibly sit my 7 year old on the beach in front of the said spot. I tell Leroy ‘you can’t go in over your knees and youre to stay within the lines I’ve made in the sand.’Of course these lines are used as markers to guide me where I need to stay within, to be in line to catch the better waves,oh and to see if I can see Leroys blonde head .Tex on the other hand has become a burden ,as my attempt to bond and help my son becomes a slanging match as he reckons it’s all my fault that he isn’t becoming the next Kelly Slater after 4 surfs.Eventually he wares me down and I tell him to stop fuckn sooking and go in . Actually , it’s a full blown verbal assault where we both go straight to the bottom of the barrel.The other surfers out there are real impressed with the love we show each other. Yep we’re making a real Aussie impression I reckon. Anyway , I paddle in every 15 mins to check that Leroy hasn’t been taken for a walk or decided to swim under water for a while . I don’t get why all these other families keep looking at me , must of been cause I’ve shaved now . See , what I’ve found is ive lost my mojo and I’m out of form . Today , I left the kids at  home .Promised them McDonalds if they could wait here and guard the house whilst I went for some salt water therapy. Who could believe it ,the form came back and now I’m happy. We aren’t disfunctional , I promise . You can come and stay with us ,i’l look after your kids .

Not me,nothing happening from my end.The kids .Its started ,they’re on the shift . Americanisation , it’s infecting them day by day.Tex has just has a faint tonal change to his speech. The key to the American accent is they hang on to their ‘r’ . The r is emphasised along with e.Tex and I had an argument about the pronounciation of depot . You see the yanks call it deepoh . This is is one of about 10 recent fights we’ve had about my aparrent  accent . Tex is actually embarrassed when I talk to his mates . He acts as interpreter , tells me they all just say’ yes ’cause they think I speak another language . Tex was being his usual smart arse self in the car whilst I took his mates up to Elsugundo skatepark . Of course we got a bit lost as he was navigator ,and it was all my fault .An escalating argument ensued until I said ‘keep going and my 5 little friends might have to intervene., as I gave a  wave of my fist . It’s fair to say his mates were suddenly very quiet and wide eyed. I don’t think they really did understand my language. They thought I was totally serious .I laughed and said ‘I’m only joking boys.’ …Silence .​

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​Tex says they think I’m a bit mad ,but I told him I’m not some soft as batter ,sunnyside up ‘il do anything for my kids #+#+#*#+doormat.’ Yep there’s very little slang or profanity in Hermosa ………..until I got here.                         Also holy calamity Leroy has dropped all interest in Aussie rules . NFL, baseball even going into a soccer camp next week.Fuck I might hang myself on that last 1.We go to the park everyday to practice his NFL skills. Won’t dare touch one of his 19 footys.Brings a tear to the eye . Now I am truly all alone .yep I asked her if she he could put those on me later . 

Anyone who knows me well would be aware I was born only as a head .It wasn’t until I was 5 that a body started to form off my head and then the arms and finally the legs a bit later .Unfortunately my head had a       head start .See the head didn’t stop growing ,but growing the wrong way. Only bone growth and fat on the outside of the skull . Unfortunately no IQ growth or grey matter. You see this area has two types of human : real smart or real good looking , oh and a third . Fucking rich. Yep missed out on those 3 .Everyday you’re on show .Recently I gave up the fight and rebelled and started growing a dirty old beard ,cause fuck it I knew it would annoy EJ and the fellow school mums wouldn’t let me sip out of their green tea sipper mugs . Might even make my head look smaller.Fuck it I’m not on you’re team anymore . But sure enough I had to relent as I was told certain services were closed .Yep time to shave and moisturise and trim my nose hairs and you know ?  

Mondays have always been the hardest. Nothing new there. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore with no work commitment,but it’s the start of a stretch where you make yourself find routine . The clock needs to be sucked up with assignments. I’m a person who needs to be on the go ,I can’t sit idle.Your need to be valued sits on a precarious crest , the more time you sit without purpose the closer you come to falling. It has been get the kids fed and to school . Then put 2 hours into the surf situation . You come back and it’s 11sh and you clean up the house . Next you walk to pick any shopping requirements up ,if none a half hour fitness circuit in the back room . Lunch , maybe a bit of Jerry Springer while I eat .This will get you to 1 and you’ve hardly stopped.Hang some washing and then your off just after 130 to get a park before the school bell rings at 235.This is the golden 30 or 40 minutes where I sit in the car with the best ideas swirling in my head to blog out . Even found a bit of radio hosted by Steve Jones of The Sex Pistols that is really enjoyable .Actually this guy is really refreshing for his down to earth sense of humour and candour and just listening to his raw honesty clears your head . I would recommend you download or hook into his radio shows back in Aus. He plays good music as well.Once the kids are picked up it’s all yelling ,screaming ,feeding, chasing balls or fighting the supposed good fight on homework. Get dinner sorted and then Emma gets home and asks ‘have you done anything at all today . Didn’t you vacuum ? You forget to post that letter ? Why hasn’t the kids finished there homework ? Did you wash the whites with the colours? Gee the stoves messy , don’t you clean as you go ?’ WTF!! I’m fuckn tired I’ve been busy for christs sake !! Alright. This would then go on repeat until Friday. Then the glow of my old mate the American Mule and his beer comrades grows brighter by the hour and bang !! The routine is replaced with a new flashier routine :The drink on the balcony and reminisce over the week routine. Oh yeah Friday , she’s too far away .    Now my old routine has changed as 9 weeks of school holidays has began and I’m really starting to miss it . I’m truly at the request of my kids ‘wants’and being house bound looks to be a nasty by product . Yep Ben 10 and Dragon Riders has replaced Jerry and Jonesy and I’m hurting bad . And it’s only Monday. 

Actually looked up its meaning . Spanish for    georgious with an under current of sexuality . So apt . Hermosa Beach , it’s a destination for Angelenos looking for the beach . It’s not really beautiful . You reserve that for a location that has an allure that is un molested. A natural geography that you have to see. It’s built up , quite old ,quaint I’d say.People come to go to the beach , get a tan , surf or play beach volley ball . It’s a bit real but still has star power .  Between Manhatten Beach and Hermosa Beach you’ve got everything Venice beach and Santa Monica have except the fair and muscle show . Sure that’s two big draw cards but once you’ve made the onerous effort to get to these locations you wish you could of saved the extra 2 hours of travel and finding parking by just going to the southbay . It reminds me a bit of Mornington , rarely gets the cudos on your travel show but every ones been there for lunch and has it as one of there favourites . Hermosa Beach has  got style and sex appeal, good food and drinking options and it really puts on a show of its own for people watching . I want to tell every one they really are missing out if they don’t check this place out if they come on holliday but it’s better they go to the big ticket locations and leave it to the other 50000 who visit here each summer weekend. ​

​I had to put Jeremy back in there cause it sounds so fuckn good and it really encapsulates the vibe this joint gives on a summers day . I actually had what I thought was the holy Mecca of recordings whilst riding my bike down the strand .Sheer debauchery of post grad celebrations , bike concerts ,near nakedness and the full eccentricities on show. Only to realise that I’d put my very best comedic commentary into the phone for 2 minutes with it on pause . Fuck I blew a certain Hollywood invitation in film making . I still took this photo through my window while I sooked about it though

The grizzly bear is about to go off the endangered list in Yellowstone national park. There are now some 1000 bears roaming wild . There was as little as 150 in 1975 . What’s it all mean ? It may not be protected anymore . Yeerha!!! Now I have real  motivation to git ma self a gun and go huntn an all. See , me an Ma EJ is itchn for a new pair of seat covers . Ya eva tasted grizzly burgers or used a fresh set of bear claws attached to a forearm to scratch ya back . It’s all about to be possible now in the name of the good lord and that gawd of awful conservationists , greeny lot who have left the grizzly breed like rabbits and make a nuisance ofm selves . What could be better than to  come home with my own authentic humpfry b bear suit but only scarier . Yep , it’s possible i’l be needing a taxidermist so I can mount me self a beautiful big ,majestic grizzly bear head on my wall . No different to me  havn a kangaroo tail attached to me bottle opener or eatn roo bangers and mash. Yep , the land of the free is seriously considering hunting one of natures most intimidating but beautiful beasts . Can you believe it ?

Flicking through the tv on a Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago I was surprised to see the tennis on the TV. The French open final for women no less. Living in this part of the world seems to insulate you from any events that happen elsewhere.Ok , terrorist activities or extraordinary foreign happenings do get coverage but the stuff we’ve always been used to back home ….? No. I had to dig through the net to see how the Aussies had fared in the French and  find who were in the men’s final. Apparently the 2nd grand slam for tennis is not newsworthy in LA. The lack of exposure for anything outside LA ,let alone the rest of the states is surprising .Yes I  knew it before I got here but with the immensity of the move it hasn’t dawned till recently. Baseball,…yawn,a bit of the draft for basketball and the sports finished . The big sport is the daily reporting of the feud between TaylorSwift and KatiePerry or what Johnny Depp mumbles about Trump.It trickles down to junior sport here . Where is it ? I’m shocked at the disjointed ,poorly accessed sporting environment . It’s early days but I’m starting to worry about the access to sporting clubs and activities we’ve taken for granted in Melbourne . LA is not the sporting capital , not a sniff on Melbourne. 2028 Olympics??? I’m not sure it deserves it .