Continuing on from the snag link ,they BBQ differently.We’ve been looking to put a BBQ on our balcony. What we’ve found is they call them char broilers and they don’t use flat plates at all .Grill racks that sit directly over the flames.Ok , I like this type of flame grilling but snags ,eggs ,bacon ,tomatoes ect. Don’t work bro. Asked about the flat plate and the peoples at this joint were totally confused. They’d never heard of it. BBQn is seen more of as a gourmet style of burning your meat. I admit they are goddam experts at marinating ,slow cooking and flame grilling stuff . Now that’s my problem for the snag .Its simple and works best on a hard flat surface at a reasonably high heat . Means he’s struggling to get invited to the party . Has to be cooked inside . Shit , now I see obstacles .  Still , I can see’m loving him with mashed potatoes and gravy out at bum fuck Idaho . Yep ,I think I can market the snag for the right price.I might char broil Tex on the balcony the way he’s going.

Snags,the dirty old sausage you throw on the barby .Don’t hav’m over here .Theyve got your fat gourmet traditional Italian sausage in some places ,but there for a different use.Im not real big on your snag anymore but at the kids footy or out the front of Bunnings I can put 1 or 2 away pretty easy.Theyre version is the dog . They are all shapes and sizes and take up a good section of the ham and cheese area. I don’t get it really ,cause the yanks can handle some cheap crap and I would of thought they’d have a strong play on the snag.The dog I reckon is just a over salted over processed version of your snag. The cheap old snag can make it big here and I’m deadly serious .On a side note I like to boil your snag 1st , let it cool ,take the casing off which releases a shit load of fat and then chop them up and throw them back into a mild curry simmered in milk .Garanteed the kids will love it .(mums recipe) Try it ,it won’t let you down . Pies and sausage rolls. Are you fucking kidding ,these little indigestion parcels of hangover joy ,smashed with sauce and washed down with a can of coke are not seen here .Tragic!They truly have no idea how far they’re beloved ketchup can spread her wings.There’s Aussies over here doing coffee and gourmet pie joints but that’s the problem . They are convinced the yanks won’t take to them in there simplest form .  Coffee they are apparently getting right but pies paired with gravy ,macaroni cheese ,peas and even fruit ,but with no tomato sauce .Now that’s selling your soul and giving up on a piece of Aussie that is capable of capturing an audience. The snag ,pie and sausage roll can make it here . At the very worse, middle America would wash this stuff down with doctor pepper and cherry cola by the ton . Got more for ya tomorrow.

Well ,as previously mentioned our schools have their ‘active shooter ‘ day, where they practice their evacuation technique .Thats comforting to know that there’s a plan in place to keep the kids bunched together ,holding hands as they exit via the oval . All whilst our little psycho with his semi automatic goes to the shooting alley for target practice. Now ,I’ve been formulating a plan in my head for my own ‘active mugger’ confrontation. 1st of all it goes like this :Fuck Off I’m from Australia and we don’t put up with fuckwits like yourself . Of course in my head i’m 6ft9 not not 5ft9 and 27 and not  Yeah enough said. Here’s the thing . In the last few days the news have shown several confrontations where the ‘mugee’ has fought back against the mugger The 1st guy goes toe to toe but keeps retreating for some reason .Turns out he’s being stabbed multiple times.2nd guy also looks to be putting up a good fight but also retreats .Turns out he breaks both arms and face blocking a baseball bat .The 3rd one ,a woman fights then quickly puts her hands up . The mugger gets his stash and then leans over her and shoots her for making him angry. Fair enough i say . Cause I’m starting to see a pattern here . Not too many muggers are willing to leave without a fight . Last nights final example, where 2 dudes defended their car rims from being pinched from their yard is a lesson to be learned . They’re now defending their ground in heaven as our mugger took said rims and put a bullet through our mugee’s heads.I still think I’ve got a good plan though . Don’t you reckon?

Don’t get injured or don’t get mildly ill . As I’ve mentioned the system demands you pay. I’m not sure how Obama care works but some how the most disadvantaged get there basic costs covered.The rest either pay up front or through exorbitant insurance schemes.1st of all you have a much larger scope to self medicate here . The chemists here sell a lot of stuff we need a prescription for back in Aus.Sleeping pills ,antibiotic creams and a good  range of alcohol to wash it down with . That way if you don’t like the way your years been going for you ,you can smash the sleeping pills with a 2 litre bottle of vodka for under $30 and not wake up.  Ever . The insurance schemes we’ve seen often work off an excess that has to be met 1st and there after your medical needs are met by your insurer .Yes ,nasty . On the cheaper scheme which still took a significant chunk from Em’s weekly wage Our insurer would kick in cost after we spent $1500 for the year. Fuckn cheeky ,but considering the odd chance you need serious medical help it’s almost essential .The average American family who has insurance taken out of there wage pays just over $600 per month .Im now pretty sure I know why chemists sell alcohol along side there sleeping pills.Yep Trumpy wants to get rid of Obama care , figures he might be able to kill off the lower class with minor infections and diseases . Yep lets make America strong again . Now I get it

Yeah ,routine is what keeps me going .Get up before 6 ( can’t break 25 years of habit).Have a coffee watch the weather . I love the weather guys in particular as they are so animated and are all old crusty dudes . The weather is always settled and only varies depending on the marine layer ,but these guys make it sounds like the circus has come to town everyday. We’ve been here 60 days and it hasn’t rained during the day yet. Only brief showers at night twice.I can only dread what will happen to school traffic and parking on a wet day. Anyway once the fight to get the kids fed and off to school is complete the two most important hours of the day arrive .Find the waves.  This little period is where the nerves kick in . No waves and my day is rooted . Conditions deteriorate everyday from 10am . So getting a park an moving quick is priority. Now ,as I’ve explained to Emma nothing gets done at our house at this time .Nothing!   I’m doing important stuff . After this the world ,the school ,house work ,porn anything else is invited back into my day . Not even a new job .That leaves me from 11 to 2 for future career possibilities. Just being fair ,that’s all. Anyway here’s my weekly Californian surf video brought to you by Howie .​

​got a few just in case you guys were worried for me

It’s still a mystery .There will be multiple blogs forthcoming on a complicated messed up system .There is no Medicare so your basic medical needs must be paid up front . I am required by law to provide proof that I’ve had TB shots .That is if I intend to do any voluntary work at school or I suspect any coaching .Cool ,I’m not required on both fronts .But ,no that’s not the Hermosa spirit . So Tex and I both need shots . Perfect , the chemist actually provide a Clinic  with a nurse who will administer basic needs ,like shots ,wound treatment and cold and flew medication .Good idea ,takes the pressure off your GP.I know I have my TB shots but all I’ve got to show is a scar on my arm to prove it .To see the nurse we have to sign in on a computer screen . It takes well over 10 minutes to do Tex alone and that’s with information left out .And of course others are queued up behind us to use the screen next.After waiting 15 minutes the nurse calls us in .After explaining our obvious circumstance with some detail not transferable from Australia the nurse explains the costs for Tex’s shots and then the fee for her service on top of that .WTF! Just south of $200 .Ok , we can claim this through Emma’s work which takes out a private cover from her wage .We had 3 choices and took the middle cover.Anyway we need Emma s card to proceed .Oh oh ,hav’nt got it . We will come back for Tex but i ask if we can proceed with my TB tester shot . The nurse then explains that I have to go back out and log my details on the screen and thus got to the back of the queue .’Are you serious’ i enquire . ‘Absolutely ‘ ,the nurse replied. She then looks at her watch and informs everyone will now have to wait as she starts her 1 hour lunch break.  Brilliant ,just waist my time . Looks like I won’t be helping out at school . Service in America is great when there’s a tip involved but without it ….., who cares.

The Kardashians ,say no more .Nightly the most important people on the planet ply their drivel on tv here .For hours .Of course EJ loves it . For every minute I suck this crap into my phsche the closer I become to being an alcoholic.I decided that I wouldn’t have a beer on this Sunday night and I was doing it easy until Kimmy and her gang came on .2 hours in I’ve got a head ache and am very thirsty .Of course tv is something that you do , and they do plenty of tv here but most of it is shit. As a test run on the next add break I clipped through channels 25 to 11 and guess what?They were all on add breaks . 14 fuckn channels all with adds on . EJ loves it ,says you may as well get it back to the kardashians .Ben Lucas this is your fault as you guilted me out about drinking and now I’m getting slowly lobotomised by the kardashians as I have no helper to distract me.

• Another one I’ve been hanging onto . There is a waft ,a faint waft at first but now I’m starting to smell it. There is an elitist undertone to Hermosa and that’s been obvious since day 1.You get that in a lot of places and I’m ok with that .Even someone like me from Tanti Park can at least make conversation and not make a complete nob of myself when thrown into the caviar and cigar club.Yeah ,I admit it is like pulling teeth for me and  i’l need  copious amounts of alcohol ,but at the end of the day I like that there are layers and pockets of different classes .They call it the Hermosa bubble and at the moment we are definitely on the outside looking in.We have taken our ‘new Aussie’ status for granted ,thinking that the novelty factor would thrust us in to the ‘club’.No.We have been reserved and have misread our ‘grand arrival’.There is more to it though and I’ve only got some intel from two other parents who laughed and said’ hell yeah ‘this place is oh so special for some .People are nice but not inclusive . Been to a couple of social events and no introductions even  from mums who I’ve met during the school week .Yep it’s been much tougher than expected and we are still isolated.Reasons: 1st there is no neighbourhood.2nd : you’ve got people that have grown up here and I sense you’ll struggle to truly get in .3rd : it’s still a transient location where people come and go through work relocations . Then there is those that own or have a mortgage as opposed to those (and there are many) that rent .Of course there are many factors . We can’t lock into kids sports which is a whole other story but there is no common thread to grasp onto . Things may change but there is a basic lack of common ground and as I’ve said before it’s us Aussies who are more inclusive and willing to reveal more of our true self .The balls in our court and we are eventually going to have to  put ourselves out there or else we’ll stay in the corner .Its going to take a lot longer to open this oyster

Hermosa and the South Bay is cut throat for parking . Best bring your A grade for hunting prime parking .Also you’re forced to eventually tackle fears about reverse parking .Especially considering the subtle change of nuance required when driving from the ‘other side’.Be prepared to be parked in if you don’t leave enough room at the front ,cause they’ll often be a foot off your tailgate.Heres the thing ,I’ve been blown away at how good the tennis mums can reverse park into some tight spaces. I reckon I’m solid but now I’m seriously self conscious about my abilities .Then of course the light bulb moment arrived today when an old man scraped my bumper trying to achieve what these mums do so efficiently .He apologised and said his old beast doesn’t have a camera or senses like his wife’s does and it’s normally her job to pick the grandkids up.Fark Howie wake up ! Of course you are going to have a camera and senses to reverse park the Mercedes or Porsche. In fact it probably auto reverse parks for you.If I can please,please not scrape one of these cars when reversing the trolleys out of their bay when I start working at the supermarket I might be able to keep my identity anonymous. 

My memory is shot to pieces . I’m presently not needed by the outside world . Eat , sleep ,surf when I can and be Leroys ball retriever. Details ,times ,appointments and tasks are losing there sharp edge . Every couple of days I forget a task assigned to me Leroys swimming, missed it .Today I waited for the real estate agent and the maintenance man to arrive between 9 and 10 . I watched the small window for good surf evaporate at that very same time. They didn’t show , so fuckm I went surfing at 1015 knowing that I’d get multiple calls saying they were sorry and just a little late .Got home all smug thinking’ fuck the world ”if you can’t meet my times too bad ,’Turns out I received a message days before from Em detailing the 11 am meeting at our place for ‘ said meeting ‘ . No way I say ‘can’t be right ‘ you said 9 to 10 ….No dickhead that was yesterday for the tv guy . Fark ! Surely watching Jerry Springer and co could reverse the chemical lobotomy received from years of caulking . But it seems not . I’m starting to worry that I won’t be able to line the trolleys up or worse , mix the toiletries with the dairy when packing bags when I start work .