You know you don’t have to wear a helmet when you ride a bike in California ?, If you’re under 18 you have to .Not sure what to make on that one . Has it ever been conclusive that helmets save your life ? Ok probably has , but they’re not convinced in the USA. Motorised bikes , scooters and even skateboards are common place . Cool , but these things seriously travel , you could easily kill yourself if you lost concentration while getting a sideways glance on some arse cheeks popping out of some denim shorts .(I love that trend).This morning I saw a bloke buzz past on his motorised scooter in a suit with a backpack on . He’d of been going 40 ks an hour along side peak school traffic . All these devices are ridden without helmets . It’s fucked up crazy.Its a  good way of beating the traffic , but these things don’t have airbags. You’l see parents towing their kids on little carriages attached to the back of their bikes, even on major roads. On the way to Venice beach I saw a guy riding through peak hour mayhem with a baby in a capsule mounted on his handle bars .Seeing is believing .The rate of pedestrian strikes , hit and runs and pretty much every type of traffic accident is off the scale .Its accepted that you ride these things , you then own the risk .Skate boarding is not just for young kids it’s guys and the occasional woman all the way into their 60s . They’re not scared to cruise down the middle of the road , s turning from curb to curb while you follow them in the car . No bullshit .  The road toll doesn’t seem a great concern . It comes with the territory.There is no advertising on road safety , absolutely none . One observation that is obvious is they don’t J walk , at all . I maybe the exception but even I am starting to get guilted out . Ok that’s bullshit , i’l cut across all the time but I keep copping stares . They don’t like it . Ok , ok  I get it , it’s dangerous but are you guys kidding .I’l take my chances on foot and you can ride on the highway with your kid on the handlebars .  It’s all cool .

Just read that the mighty Starbucks is about to invade Italy. It reckons it can take on the might of Italys coffee culture and introduce a new style of coffee drinking . I laughed my way to a hernia. Lavazza and Illycafe have quickly drawn up plans to add coffee houses to Milan to counteract the oncoming invasion . Please , please , pleeeese !!! Come to LA as well . The South Bay needs you . I havn’t bought a takeaway coffee  since I’ve been here and havn’t had a coffe to our standards yet . Yes I can go for a drive as there are apparently some Aussies and Kiwis who are out there , but really ? I’m not gonna drive through this jungle just to get a nice brew . No I’m  celibate , coffee style at least .I still drink Nescafé instant (US style , it’s a bitter version), so I guess im still getting it , but it’s no pleasure, just a need fulfilled. Instant coffee and porn , yep they can have a role when your home alone .I just got over the shock of the ‘unicorn frappe’ , a hideous concoction that tasted like a fruit tingle smoothie that sent my kids into hyper shock . Yes , I fucked up , I shouldn’t of went there , but apparently they were the only kids in the world who were missing out . Now Starbucks is selling its coffee milkshakes and anything else with pumpkin spice .Its Halloween you dumb fucks , that’s why they’re  doing it . Yeah , yeah it’s over a month away but it’s Pumpkin season . Burnt coffee with loads of sugar , whipped cream and a sprinkling of ginger , cloves , cinnamon and other stuff all thrown into a giant plastic sipper cup and straw . What could be better? .. Maybe the intense smell of pungent green timber that just assaulted my nostrils as I get out of the car to get Leroy from school .   Ahhhh , there’s an idea , ganja coffee . Caffeine and dope , it’s a certain best seller . The ingredience will counterbalance each other beautifully, makes no sense but that’s why it will be big . ……. ciao gringos 

Lunch preparations have become futile whereTex is concerned . Leroy isn’t a lot easier. The school cafeteria is an accepted way of keeping your kid fed . Of course this comes at a cost , money and diet control.Im not prepared to surrender $100 a week on letting our kids buy lunch . That’s a good night out for dinner wasted in my view. I previously documented how Leroy was so overcome by the smell of pizza that he opened a lunch account without our consent and without the school even notifying us . We just received a notice to top up his account , he’s 7 years old for christs sake .I don’t know the numbers on who buys and who doesn’t at Leroys school but in middle school Tex assures me that all his friends and fellow year level buy their lunch . Tacos , burritos, pizza , tuna melt and flavoured milk are hard to beat . Kids in middle school will also buy lollies in bulk and then sell them in school black market style for a tidy profit ,ensuring lunch money . Brilliant , the free market is in their DNA , they can spend it and they can find a way to maximise their return (or their parents).Money comes easily for these kids. Tex gets excited at the prospect of receiving any Australian lollies or treats , they have currency and he will exploit it. No matter what I do when it comes to making lunch he will not eat it ,as it is embarrassing . Cold pizza , nup it’s not hot like the kids buy at school . Vegemite on ritz biscuits is horrifying as Vegemite is absolute gruel in the eyes of other kids . Only top quality junk will do . A gift of fizz wiz disappeared into his lunch for school investment . Anything in the house that is junkform will quickly find a way into the school bag . All treats must be carefully hidden . He feels his changing complexion is just bad luck and it’s bullshit , cause lollies and McDonalds has nothing to do with it .I may have forgotten what it was like to be a kid when it comes to food but I will say this kid has one of the poorest diets you’l see , and he’s not on his own . Fruit or vegetables no , healthy  no , fried chicken yes , soft drink yes , sour worms and fizz wiz , hell yeah ! 

The highest cause of death for people under 50 is ….. overdose .The US is in the midst of a major epidemic. Opioids have become a scourge that is on the verge of crisis . In 2016 an incredible 60000 plus people died of overdose . Think the population of Mornington and double it . It’s so bad that several states have made it mandatory that schools are equipped with nalaxone .Nalaxone is used to revive overdose patients. It’s a terrible state when you have kids overdosing in school grounds , but this is America, and the things that shock us in Australia has become desensitised here. It definitely starts with their tendency to be loose with prescription pills . In Ohio there was 8 pills prescribed for every person in the state in one year . We’re not talking panadol , it’s OxyContin, codeine and a host of others.People ,mainly young adults quickly become addicted , the price becomes too high and then they take the cheap alternative , heroin . It’s not just heroin ,it’s the synthetic drugs on the dark web, like fentanyl. Fentanyl can be 100 times more powerful than morphine . The death rate escalated so fast that the US’s life expectancy actually fell by 3 months . Sounds trivial but that is a major hiccup when you look at the climbing life expectancy in the western world .I always thought the big one was cocaine, and then meth but now it’s fentanyl and friends that have taken over .Drugs are easy to get in Australia but over here you’ve got a big population with a liberal attitude .  The most common cause of death under 50 ….. overdose . Incredible.

Elsugundo , you know he won the Cox Plate?Fuckn good horse , Fields of Omagh beat him when the Gauch was on him . I had a bit of coin on him but he was beaten by a pimple . I wanted him turned into glue after that but good on him for taking out the prize when I wasn’t on him , prick . I really wanted him sent to the glue factory after that .I never knew where that name came from until I got to LA .Elsugundo , it’s an ugly , fuckn ugly place on 1st sight . I was glad I didnt live here , but I’m coming around . This joint is old school industrial , lots of old red brick , hard , fuckn hard but traditional . It’s 50s and 60s factory , airport / industrial , engineering . It’s become cool , gentrification has enveloped this joint , think Williamstown and you see Elsugundo . It backs on to the airport and is sandwiched by the massive Chevron oil refinery . Breweries , funky restaurants and bars are popping up everywhere. This joint is cool and it stretches down to beach front that has the best surf in the region . No , I really like this place . It has  a lot of character and I think this  is the place that I’d choose to live if I had my time again .Elsugundo you’re really cool . 

The department of motor vehicles, also known as headfuck city. The happiest little organisation that ever existed is all about providing fun and service to the masses . This is the joint you head into to remind yourself that there’s other people out there.Our 3rd attempt at completing the theory test . We’ve booked in and prepared , but that’s not really gonna help . The car park is full, I’ve got to park across the road . Wish me luck , I hope it’s there when I get back , oh shit I’ve just realised I left the princess in the back . Took her for a surf this morning , could be our last one .We’re in Hawthorn, next door to Inglewood . This is the zone where it gets tropical , they play hide and seek with a gun out this country . I’ve got thongs on ( flip flops over here) so I don’t think anyone’s gonna want my shoes .I dropped Em off so she can queue up for our booking , yep you still have to queue to confirm you’ve booked . It’s busy , always busy .we get to the front, are given a form to fill out and told to bring it back . NEXT !!, the girl yells . Shit it feels like we are getting ready to go to trial, I ought to know . 1 hour later we are in another queue ready to be tested . This is a place you can come an watch the sort of people you only ever see on ‘Cops’, yeah that’s the one … bad boys bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you . Now you know what I’m talking about . Fucking hilarious , I wish I could’ve video’d it for ya’s , but it’s best I didn’t . Next to me was this big back dude with a bald head , trackpants, nikes, a pink t shirt and some big arse gold chains and sunglasses . It was glary in there .He had 3 phones and was repeatedly taking calls from all 3 , business was good . It seems trackpants worn with sandals and socks is a major fashion trend out here today, might bring that back to Australia .The test should be easy but the knowledge booklet has 104 pages to memorise . 36 questions completed in 10 minutes and I’m done . I look around and the other 10 who started up to half an hour ahead of me are still going . Shit , have I been to casual? Emma and I get to the back of the queue (3rd time already ) and start comparing answers , I rub 2 out and tick the other box on Emma’s advice ,she did it on computer and are told immediately if you’re  correct . I couldn’t get my computer working so I had to re queue to get the written version . Bang ,Emma’s through and passed , now my turn . 5 wrong out of the first 12 questions, including the 2 I changed , I’m screwed . 6 wrong from 18 . I’m fucked. The old girl is scowling as she slashes a line through the ‘wrongs’. Looks like she hasn’t got out the house yet , black hair net , beaten down and ready to wash pa’s clothes .But hey wake up Howie we are in a public service building , service and appearances count , don’t they? I’m on tenter hooks , next page good , next another wrong , no she scribbles it out , I think it’s right . 30 out of 36 . ” You got your photo ” , “no ? “I replied . “Can’t process it then , you gotta get your photo dun firrrst ” . Emma looks at me and laughs , for I skipped a process . I get my photo and get back to the queue , only 13 in front of me now and I don’t even know if I’ve passed. I’m starting to curse , Emma says I’m getn a uber , your on your own . Fortunately a young college grad lets me hit the front and I’m told I’m free to book my driving test .  Fuck me dead I felt like I just did my VCE again , we get out and the car and princess are still there , not mounted on bricks either . That was a lotta fun , can’t wait to get back there for the driving test . Now it’s time to get smashed and celebrate . Emma’s keen to book the test and driving lessons,  but hey hold your horses tiger , I need 6 months to recover .

You’ve never seen so many window cleaners in your life , until you move here . They are the service that so many are willing to provide .Its easy to see why , the start up cost is minimal and the skill is barely that .Yesterday I saw two guys walk along a window ledge that overhung a five meter drop straight into the surf .If that’s the sort of thing you’ve gotta do to win work you can stick it up your arse . It’s not the fear of getting hurt that I baulk at ,it’s the expectation that this is normal or fair . You can guess that they wouldn’t be paid a lot . Cleaners are everywhere , as are painters . Basic services are covered. Mobile dog grooming and walkers , food takeaway , all those things we get in Australia too . Mobile bicycle mechanics are popular .You can get your shaving blades delivered just in case you can’t get the job done with your last blunt one , not kidding .Yesterday I saw a guy in a flash new twin cab ute all sign written up offering mobile BBQ cleaning, can you believe it? If there’s a low cost business idea out there it’s already been done . The low skilled jobs are hunted up by a big lower class . There’s one out there that hasn’t been sighted yet ,….. the caulker . The holy grail of the low skilled .I don’t want to go there but the longer I stay here the more obvious it becomes . I’m inching bit by bit , hmmmmm   ,$34 to get 500 cards printed . Shit ,this old dog is struggling to learn any new tricks .

I don’t know anyone yet , well almost . A couple of neighbours have graduated to acquaintances. So far so good on that front .There has been an exception with one guy I have got to know .Seth , we ran into each other in the car park at our first residence. Seth has been persistent in reaching out and wanting to get to know me .It felt uncomfortable at first . I tend to be too
guarded , I like to scope and study one from afar before gradually inching my way in . You might have noticed I have a tendency to be too judgemental.Seth of course walked through my guard , I had to be polite and at least have the courtesy to accept his invitation.Seth is a contract trauma nurse from Seattle . He’l take short term contracts at hospitals and get to travel to new locations in doing so . He’s accustomed to starting anew and introducing himself to new people , it’s a very foreign approach to what we’ve become accustomed to in LA.He has a fascinating family history and was adopted . His parents were big on education and it has paid off for him . He’s a single man who’s used to his independence, he prefers his freedom and doesn’t know if he can commit to a relationship. Seth and I met for lunch several times . I initially baulked at his request but you’ve gotta open yourself up sometimes. He ended up being a good bloke  .Converastion was easy and any topic approachable . Porn , sport , race , women , alcohol , yep all the important stuff . Seth is Afro American ,cross Korean ?  .. shit I might of got that last bit wrong . Anyway , you rarely get to mix with people from these backgrounds in Aus and he’s totally normal , of course. Seth is intending to go down to Florida next , to help out with the aftermath of hurricane Irma . Thanks for dragging me out to lunch , Seth   and good luck .

Taco belle has done it !! Yahoo , you beauty .It will be introducing drive through grog to its menu in over 300 stores , brilliant . Starbucks is in the race as well as they’ve just brought out whiskey flavoured coffee . It can be whiskey flavoured but without whiskey I wouldn’t go near it , I wouldn’t touch their stuff fullstop. As I’ve said before , Starbucks is god over here .The floodgates will surely open with other fast food chains following. The interesting thing is there is no criticism from church groups or Alcoholics Anonymous or anyone . The door has been kicked in on this front . When it comes to service ideas it’s already been done , especially alcohol ,with one exception : the drive through bottle shop .That has been the curiosity that has puzzled me . All I can come up with is alcohol is so cheap and accessible in any shop , supermarket and chemist that this alternative holds the fear that people won’t see the need . Plus your prices will have to be fractionally higher to provide the service . I’m convinced it will still work , too many people love their cars over here . Yep , when it comes to vices like alcohol there is no big brother stepping in and adding taxes  , hard to get licenses,and a voice telling us how bad we are . You’ve got a choice , don’t buy it if you don’t want to .

Hermosa Beach is built up and as I’ve previously stated , LA in general is a bit of a concrete jungle . Land is at a premium and there isn’t too much spared for parks and trees. The climate also makes it very difficult to establishing new gardens . It doesn’t rain , less than a millimetre has fallen here since April 15. Daily ,I will exercise and walk to pass the time , especially as the ocean is dormant in summer. I’ve found some things along the way , today I found one of L.Ron Hubbards little brainwash centres front and square on prime beach side real estate.It makes sense when you consider the film industry has roots afoot here and the connection Scientology has with Hollywood celebrity.I’m bored ,but not bored enough to knock on this door . My ears are fucked ,I don’t need them chewed off .This is a mile north of our place .The further you travel northbound the greener it gets . The lanes and streets are interwoven along a small rise that separates beach front and a long narrow valley that harbours foliage and picture perfect American cottages and Californian bungalows.This is a real little sanctuary along this whole stretch of coast , highly sought after for families and retirees but at a hefty price tag of 2 million +or 4to 6thousand a month rent . It’s a rare space where the kids can play out front and you could probably even leave the front door open while you gardened out back . Sounds like somewhere I used to know. It’s green along here , beautiful in fact . My view on beauty has changed , I don’t take it for granted like I used to . When youre in Aus you can’t see the forest for the trees , come here and you’re looking for a tree. Their patriotic and not just their flag ,it’s their college as well .  This is upper middle class . You’ve got a nice running track along the middle of the valley , with a couple of exercise stations along the wayIt all might seem ho hum to anyone in Aus but this type of space is hard to find . The locals love their town , they honestly think it’s beautiful and the only place you’d want to live . I’l often reply , ” have you been to Australia”?????   Once you cross this path on your right hand side you head up hill until you meet Sepulveda way . (Major hwy ) Another couple of miles inland and you’ve still got prime realestate , but the trees start to disappear . It’s beige town with the odd palm tree and small front lawn . You move to LA and try and find somewhere that has a mild resemblance to home , but you soon realise everyone else wants the same thing . It’s gonna cost you but we’l take it over the alternative .This is home and as green as it gets around here .