Yep the strand is my little place of joy. A long strip of pathway that caters for bikes and foot traffic.It spans a long stretch of beach front through 3 suburbs.Fronted with some of the most expensive real estate (often north of 10 million dollars) outside of Beverly Hills and Malibu. It’s the place to be seen and it has to be one of the best people watching gigs I’ve been to . And all just 400 m from our door .I l walk this or use this throughway most days of the week to surf ,hit the shops ,exercise whatever.I can’t go through all the types seen here because about my next 20 blogs will be redundant. Today a modelling shoot ,last week a film shoot ,some of the best beach volley ballers in the world train daily and it it keeps giving . Like today:i nearly dropped the phone when she touched her toes which gave the game up as I tried to stand behind the photographer and sneak a couple of zoomed in angles. And you know  im just saying  im not one of those nobs that you know  ,take photos of famous people and shit .

Not really strange but if you’ve ever watched lost boys this place has that feel from that movie .Loved that movie.Just walked down to Mickeys deli on the beach and strange from the doors is playing ,followed by hotel California. Ok granted I’ve had a couple of beers and am a bit loose  but it’s totally fuckn surreal to be sitting down in this joint waiting for my 12 inch Hermosa roll with 3 massive slices of pepperoni. It’s like being transported back in time . I’m havn a laugh because I can’t really put you in my shoes but it’s weird .If Corey Haigm and Corey Feldman were there it would of been complete.And only 400 m from our door . After a day (Mother’s Day) that I’d much rather be at home you pinch yourself when you go to these type of joints .Its something you won’t see in Aus.no that fat fucker sitting at the counter isn’t me .might be soon 

Now since we live close to one of the best beach locations inLA I thought we may end up along there on a perfect Saturday. With major beach volley tournaments (televised with pop up stadiums)and of course the greatly under dressed athletes it was a must in my eyes .Not to mention the plethora of bars and stuff what could be better. Mall surfing !Yep once again we hit the roads and warehouses and bulk chains for Leroy .Oh yes I was in heaven . Yep it’s a sport to some but kill me now ! After a tough week in the kitchen with only a once a day salt water therapy I miss read this weekend. Surely as Mr.Mom it was going to be all about me .Any way I found something that might come in handy if each weekend looks like this.i

Now emma has covered this a bit but dogs are big business here . They can go anywhere with you and I mean anywhere :restaurants,cafes busines and even planes if you get ‘the emotional support animal ‘ card .Gourmet pet food shops are on several corners of major intersections here . You can even watch trained professionals mix the food on site ( I saw it myself while I was stopped at the lights ).Dog walkers ,groomers ,vets and animal hospitals are as common as there human counterparts.And to think almost no one has there own yards and parks are at a premium. There very disciplined too. You never see dog shit as the owners always pick it up. Now my rule is if no one sees your dog shitting you are well within your right to leave it to do its job of feeding the flys and fertilising the grass. If I don’t step on it who cares?I was looking at the dog walking career but carrying bags while I dry reach  hmmm. Anyway everything is highly proper here so my two business names ‘DOG BOY’ or DOGGY STYLE’ surely show I’m dedicated to the craft. 

Here’s where you know Australia might be heading . Filling your car up. You gotta pay 1st. Not only that you’ve gotta declare your spend and then you start filling. No more drive offs ,the pump doesn’t work until you’ve paid .But as usual there are hiccups. Today I had to fill up for the 3 rd time and your always nervous . Ridiculous I know . I went to Acron one of the biggest mobs over here . I handed the girl my card and she asks me if it’s a debit card ?Isay it’s credit . She says ‘we don’t accept credit cards ‘.?WTFWhy ,I ask? Because we are the cheapest and we accept cash or debit . I said that doesn’t make any sense.She says she’s sorry sir company policy.Ha?Go to Mobil do the same thing the guys says declare your spend .I say’ can’t I just fill it ‘No I need an exact amount . $45 then . I ask what if it ends up less . He says keep the receipt and come back next time and use it as a credit .Seriously fuckn painful!

1st of all when you go down to surf your little spot that you’ve staked as your own and discover that another dude on his mal is stretching out the front you think ‘faaaark offf’.But wait this guy starts doin the splits , then star jumps and wait for it  ; he starts squatting with this huge fuckn mal above his head . Now i Had to look the other way so as not piss myself laughing . Wanted to offer him some sagely advice :you actually ride that thing out in the water mate . Any how rest assured it was all ok as I knew he wasn’t a threat out there.But knobs are everywhere you go just that over here there’s plenty of m. Take this new show I discovered ‘Wilko’ .You put yourself on national television to do a lie detector test to prove to your wife you haven’t been molesting your own kids!Aired at 530 just when the kids are watching telly . Perfect might watch this then . What kind of knob would go on this show! To make things worse this guy fails the test and admits guilt and then bawls his eyes out . Yep tv over here has an endless supply of knobs willing to make knobs of themselves and yep there’s plenty of knobs who watch it .Just don’t call Jerry one cause he is cool.

Holey shit I’ve got goosebumps just when I thought it was just Jerry Springer and me I stumbled across paternity court .yes sir e  a show where you put your self through court on national television to see if you really are the father of your kids . Ijust wish after this morning I could somehow make it me who discovered the little fuckers weren’t mine . Now Jerry is a god in my eyes as he always gets real . Take today’s show ;a guy is having an affair with a dwarf his wife is a statuesque glamour (of course!).Apparently she seduced him in the shower by hanging off the curtain rail while he was totally unaware. Yep  . True . This show keeps me grounded .

Yep things are different over here .Note security. When surfing I have on a couple of occasions hid keys under the car in a few tricky spots . On talking to the dude in the surf shop he tells me it’s a bad idea .Its common place to have guys scout out guys hiding there keys before they surf .Easy theft and quite regular .Hmmm.Like I’ve said before this place always keeps a little anxiety stored in the pit of your gut . On top of that parking is metered and almost never free after 10 am . Yep even here the land of the free they’re happy to take the easy tax .And they enforce it too just like any of those inner Melbourne councils .And of course most of them are coin metered knowing full well that cashless is becoming the norm, it’s a perfect trap.Anyway if caught (not yet) breaking some traffic rule don’t argue just beg.When you see these cops on motorcycles you know there well equipped.Guns ,tasers,weapons and some type of bazuka like ak47 attached to there flank .No shit when Emma and I spotted this we both looked at each other wide eyed and laughed. Yep I’m seeing and hearing that crime is out there just lie the fuck down and say your sorry if you get caught.Now I took this photo over my shoulder because I was shit scared this cop might see me and shoot me .Anyway you probably can’t see much even when zooming in but rest assured he’s kitted up

Now we all have bodily functions that have needs that must be met.This is where familiarity of your surrounds leaves you in control .  Now a lesson to one self.Dont have a coffee,breakfast and a couple of glasses of water and expect to drop kids and wife off to school and work and get back home without a near evacuation of the car . Big problem is ‘restrooms’are not as easy to find or readily available and then factor in the traffic and panic sets in . Not to mention in the ensuing rush to get home I did find myself on the wrong side of the road which of course almost caused an instant release .You can only imagine if I had a prang trying to swap details in a state of brown pants. Maybe I shouldn’t of detoured to look at the surf .Oh well all’s well that ends out.

On the news at the moment is a story about pesticides in legal marajuana .wtf ! In our day it was more the merrier. Anything that assisted the buzz without killing you immediately was always helpful . Now this is a fascinating topic that I will return to with detailed analysis and research .Yep you got to be here to believe it .Even got drive through dope shops  . Perfect no more door knocking .